For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated by what makes people attractive.
I’m talking about that elusive quality that goes beyond good looks or a fit physique. The kind of attractiveness that makes someone magnetic, compelling, a person others naturally gravitate towards.
This is Lachlan Brown here, founder of Hack Spirit and a bona fide psychology enthusiast. For years, I’ve been studying the art of attraction, trying to figure out what makes some people more appealing than others.
But here’s the kicker:
The most attractive people don’t reveal everything about themselves. They have secrets, things they keep under wraps, which paradoxically makes them even more intriguing.
What are these secrets? Well, that’s what I’m going to share with you in this article.
Strap in and get ready to dive into the psychology behind what truly makes a person attractive.
1) Their insecurities
Believe it or not, attractive people have insecurities, just like everyone else.
The difference is, they don’t let these insecurities define them or dictate their behavior. Instead, they accept them as a part of who they are and strive to work on them.
Attractiveness is not about perfection. In fact, it’s often our quirks and flaws that make us unique and appealing.
Attractive people understand this, but they rarely reveal their insecurities to others. They certainly do not wear them on their sleeve for the world to see.
Instead, they work on these insecurities privately, turning them into strengths over time. This doesn’t mean they’re pretending to be someone they’re not; rather, they’re constantly striving to be the best version of themselves.
In psychology, this is referred to as self-enhancement – focusing on positive personal information and experiences while downplaying negatives.
By keeping their insecurities close to their chest, attractive people create an air of mystery and depth that others find irresistible.
Remember: We’re all works in progress. Embrace your flaws, work on them, but don’t let them dominate your interactions with others. That’s the attractive way.
2) Their need for validation
I’ll admit it: I used to crave validation. Whether it was from friends, family or even strangers, I wanted to be liked and approved of. I thought this was the key to being attractive.
But then I stumbled upon a quote from the renowned psychologist, Carl Rogers: “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”
This turned my perspective on its head.
I realized that seeking external validation was a sign of insecurity, not attractiveness. Attractive people don’t need others to affirm their worth. They know their value and don’t seek approval from others.
This was a game-changer for me. I started focusing on self-validation, on believing in myself and my worth. And guess what? This shift made me feel more attractive and confident.
Attractive people know that true validation comes from within. They don’t reveal their need for approval because they don’t rely on it.
Take a leaf out of their book: Stop seeking validation from others and start validating yourself. That’s when you’ll truly shine.
3) Their personal struggles
We all have our struggles, our personal battles that we grapple with behind closed doors. I’ve had my fair share of them as well.
A few years ago, I was going through a challenging time. I was dealing with some personal issues that were taking their toll on my mental health.
But even in the midst of that struggle, I realized something important: Attractive people don’t let their personal struggles define them. More importantly, they don’t reveal these struggles to everyone they meet.
Attractive people understand that everyone has their own battles to fight. They’re aware that constantly discussing their problems won’t help them solve them. Instead, they focus on solutions and positivity.
During my tough times, I decided to follow suit. Rather than dwelling on my problems, I started focusing on what I could do to improve my situation. This not only helped me navigate my challenges but also made me more attractive to those around me.
Attractive people don’t make their struggles the focal point of their interactions with others. They focus on positivity and resilience instead.
4) Their self-care routines
What I’ve noticed about attractive people is that they prioritize self-care. They take care of their mental, physical, and emotional health.
I used to think that self-care was a luxury or something to do only when you had extra time. But then I came across a study from the University of Michigan which revealed that self-care activities can significantly reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression.
This was an eye-opener for me.
I started incorporating small self-care practices into my daily routine like meditating for a few minutes each day, going for walks, and taking time out to read. And I noticed a difference. I felt more at ease, more in control, and more attractive.
Attractive people don’t often reveal their self-care routines, but they understand the importance of taking care of themselves. They know that being the best version of themselves requires regular recharge and rejuvenation.
5) Their continual journey of learning
Attractive people never stop learning. They’re always curious, always eager to grow and expand their knowledge.
I remember a time when I thought I knew all there was to know about my field of interest. But then I met some truly attractive people who were still open to learning, still excited about discovering new things within the same field.
It made me realize that learning doesn’t stop when you leave school or university. It’s a lifelong journey.
Attractive people rarely reveal this continual desire to learn. They don’t flaunt their knowledge or act like they know it all. Instead, they listen more than they speak, absorb new information and are open to different perspectives.
This thirst for knowledge and openness to learning is what makes them attractive. It gives them depth and makes them interesting to be around.
Be curious. Keep learning. Embrace the journey of continual growth.
6) Their failures
I’ve experienced my fair share of failures in life, and for a long time, I considered them to be my biggest setbacks.
But you see, attractive people don’t broadcast their failures. They don’t use them as an excuse or allow them to define their self-worth. Instead, they see them as opportunities to learn and grow.
I started applying this approach to my own failures. Instead of letting them bring me down, I used them as stepping stones to become stronger and wiser.
This shift in perspective made me feel more assured, more resilient, and yes, more attractive.
Attractive people understand that everyone fails at some point. But instead of revealing their failures, they reveal their learnings.
They show resilience and the ability to bounce back, which is far more attractive than focusing on failure.
7) Their vulnerability
Here’s something you might not expect: Attractive people are vulnerable. They have fears, doubts, and weaknesses just like everyone else.
However, they don’t reveal this vulnerability to just anyone. They understand the importance of emotional boundaries and carefully choose when and with whom to share their deepest selves.
Now, this may sound counterintuitive. After all, isn’t vulnerability about openness and authenticity? Yes, but it’s also about understanding when it’s appropriate to share and when it’s best to hold back.
Attractive people know that indiscriminate vulnerability can lead to emotional exhaustion. They reserve their vulnerability for those who’ve earned their trust.
This is a lesson I’ve had to learn the hard way. I used to think that being open about my vulnerabilities with everyone was a sign of strength. But over time, I realized that not everyone deserves to see my vulnerable side.
Here’s a practical tip: Practice selective vulnerability. Be open, be authentic, but also be mindful of with whom you share your deepest self. That’s the attractive way to do it.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, attractiveness isn’t just about looks. It’s about who we are as individuals, our character, our depth, and how we handle life’s ups and downs.
Remember, attractive people keep certain things to themselves. They understand the power of mystery and the importance of personal growth.
Being attractive is less about impressing others and more about being at peace with yourself.
Practice self-love, be kind to yourself and others, and watch as the world becomes more attracted to you.
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