Isabella Chase
As a human being, feeling loved, respected, and understood is essential. These feelings can be compromised if your partner has an undiagnosed personality disorder.
A personality disorder is a type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning, and behaving.
This condition may often lead to significant problems and limitations in relationships, social encounters, work, and school.
Many times, the signs are subtle and can easily be mistaken for simple quirks or personality traits.
However, if you are feeling constantly confused, invalidated or mistreated in your relationship, it might be time to look deeper.
In this article, I will share nine subtle signs that your partner may have an undiagnosed personality disorder, according to psychology.
While it’s important to remember that only a qualified professional can diagnose a mental health condition, being informed can help you understand what might be happening and guide you to seek help if needed. Let’s dive in.
1) They have inconsistent mood swings
Mood swings are a common experience for everyone, as it’s completely normal to feel happy one moment and sad the next.
But when your partner’s moods swing like a pendulum on a regular basis, it could signal an underlying personality disorder.
Your partner may be extremely happy and energetic in the morning, but by afternoon, they could be irritable and aggressive.
Their mood swings might seem out of proportion to the situation at hand or could be triggered by minor events.
These rapid changes in mood can leave you feeling confused and walking on eggshells.
You might find yourself always trying to ‘read’ your partner’s mood and adjust your behavior accordingly to avoid confrontation.
Remember, though, it’s not your duty to manage or control your partner’s emotions. If you notice extreme mood swings that disrupt your relationship, it may be time to seek professional help.
2) They struggle with empathy
One of the most important aspects of any relationship is empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
If your partner continually struggles to empathize with your feelings, it might be a sign of an undiagnosed personality disorder.
Perhaps you’ve noticed that they are often dismissive or unconcerned when you’re upset.
Or maybe during conversations, they seem more focused on their own thoughts and feelings rather than trying to understand yours.
While it’s normal to occasionally have difficulty empathizing, especially when under stress or dealing with personal issues, a consistent lack of empathy can be a red flag.
Understanding and validating each other’s feelings is crucial for a healthy relationship.
If your partner persistently struggles to put themselves in your shoes, it might be more than just a communication issue.
3) Their self-image is unstable
While it’s common to have days when we feel less confident or unsure about ourselves, a partner with an undiagnosed personality disorder may consistently struggle with their self-image.
You might notice that their views about themselves can drastically shift within short periods.
One day they might see themselves as the hero, the smartest or most attractive person in the room. The next day, they may feel worthless, unattractive, or incompetent.
This unstable self-image can also affect their goals, values, and even their career choices.
They might change jobs frequently or have difficulty sticking to one career path because their self-perception keeps changing.
It’s important to remember that everyone has ups and downs with their self-esteem.
But if your partner’s self-image is persistently unstable and it impacts their life significantly, it may indicate a deeper issue.
4) They resort to manipulative behaviour
This one is tough to confront but necessary to acknowledge.
A partner with an undiagnosed personality disorder might frequently resort to manipulation. It’s a painful truth, but noticing and acknowledging it is the first step towards addressing the issue.
Manipulation can take many forms. It could be subtle, like guilt-tripping you for spending time with friends or family.
Or it could be more overt, like threatening self-harm or other drastic actions if you talk about leaving the relationship.
This manipulative behaviour is often driven by intense fear of abandonment and desperation to maintain control.
Remember, it’s not your responsibility to manage their fears. It’s essential for both of you to seek professional help if this type of behaviour becomes a pattern.
5) They have difficulty forming close relationships
It’s natural for everyone to have a few failed relationships or friendships in their history.
But if your partner seems to have a pattern of difficulty forming or maintaining close relationships, it may be a subtle sign of an undiagnosed personality disorder.
Maybe they often talk about how all their past partners were “crazy” or “toxic”. Perhaps they have a history of falling out with friends or family members over seemingly small disagreements.
It’s important to approach this topic with kindness and empathy.
Remember, they may not be consciously choosing this pattern, and it could be a symptom of something they’re struggling with internally.
Try to communicate openly about it, and encourage them to seek help if it’s causing distress in their lives.
6) Their reactions are often disproportionate
We’ve all had moments where we’ve overreacted to something due to stress or a bad day.
However, if your partner’s reactions seem consistently disproportionate to the situation, it might be hinting at an undiagnosed personality disorder.
Maybe they explode in anger over small inconveniences, or maybe they become extremely upset over minor disappointments.
These intense reactions can leave you feeling confused and constantly on edge, unsure of what might trigger them next.
Remember, it’s normal to have off days and react more strongly than usual sometimes. But if this is a consistent pattern in your relationship, it’s worth paying attention to.
7) They have a unique relationship with rules
We all like to bend the rules a bit sometimes, right? Maybe speeding a little when we’re running late or sneaking our own snacks into the movies.
But if your partner seems to have an unusually casual relationship with rules and social norms, it could be a subtle sign of something more.
Perhaps they frequently ignore traffic laws, or they often find ways around workplace rules.
Maybe they see no problem in canceling plans at the last minute or not showing up at all without giving a reason.
While this might initially seem like they’re just a free spirit, if this behaviour is frequent and it causes problems for them or others, it could indicate an underlying issue.
As always, it’s important to approach this with understanding and open communication.
8) They blame others for their own mistakes
Nobody’s perfect, we all make mistakes. However, owning up to these mistakes and learning from them is a sign of maturity and personal growth.
If your partner consistently blames others for their own errors, it might be a sign of an undiagnosed personality disorder.
Maybe they blame their boss for problems at work that they’ve caused, or they blame you for arguments that they started.
They might always have an excuse ready to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
While it’s tough to hear, it’s crucial to recognize this pattern for what it is.
It’s not about assigning blame, but rather acknowledging unhealthy behaviours so that they can be addressed properly. Remember, everyone deserves respect and honesty in a relationship.
9) They often exhibit impulsive behaviour
Impulsivity is part of the human experience; sometimes we all act without thinking.
But if your partner frequently exhibits impulsive behaviour without considering the consequences, it could be a sign of an undiagnosed personality disorder.
Maybe they frequently make large purchases without thinking about their financial situation, or they make big decisions on a whim without discussing it with you first.
This type of behaviour can lead to instability and unpredictability in your relationship.
The most important thing to remember is that these signs are just potential indicators, not definitive proof of a personality disorder.
Only a mental health professional can provide a diagnosis. If you’re noticing these patterns and they’re causing distress in your relationship, it’s important to seek help from a professional.
Remember, it’s okay to reach out for support. You’re not alone in this.
Final thoughts
Being in a relationship with someone who may have an undiagnosed personality disorder can feel confusing and challenging, but remember, it’s not your responsibility to diagnose or treat your partner’s mental health.
If you’ve noticed these signs in your partner and they’re causing distress in your relationship, it’s crucial to seek professional help.
A mental health professional can provide guidance and support not only to your partner but also to you.
This article isn’t meant to diagnose your partner. It aims to raise awareness about some subtle signs that could indicate a possible personality disorder.
Having one or several of these signs doesn’t necessarily mean your partner has a personality disorder.
But it’s certainly a reason to reflect on whether your relationship is healthy and fulfilling for both of you.
In any relationship, it’s essential to have open communication, mutual respect, and understanding.
So remember, it’s okay to ask for help when things get tough. You don’t have to navigate these challenges alone.
