7 subtle phrases that will make small talk feel effortless, even for introverts (according to psychology)

For most of my life, small talk felt like an uphill battle.

I’d find myself stuck in awkward silences, overthinking every word, and wishing I could just disappear. As an introvert, casual conversations didn’t come naturally to me—they felt forced, exhausting, and honestly, pointless.

But the truth is, small talk isn’t just about filling the silence. It’s the bridge to deeper connections, new opportunities, and a more effortless social life.

Once I started diving into psychology and human behavior (something I’ve been fascinated with for years), I realized that small talk isn’t about being naturally charismatic or extroverted. It’s about knowing the right things to say—simple, subtle phrases that make conversations flow with ease.

In this article, I’m going to share 7 of these phrases that have completely changed how I interact with people. If you’ve ever struggled with small talk, I think they’ll help you too.

Let’s dive in.

1) “I’m curious, what’s your take on that?”

One of the biggest challenges of small talk is keeping the conversation going without feeling forced.

I used to struggle with this a lot. I’d ask basic questions like, “What do you do?” or “How was your weekend?”—only to be met with short, dead-end answers.

Then I discovered a simple shift: instead of just asking questions, I started inviting people to share their thoughts.

The phrase “I’m curious, what’s your take on that?” works wonders because it does two things: it makes the other person feel valued, and it naturally encourages a deeper conversation.

Psychology tells us that people love talking about their opinions—it activates the brain’s reward system, making them feel good. By using this phrase, you’re not just making small talk; you’re making the other person feel heard and appreciated.

Try it the next time a conversation feels like it’s fizzling out. You’ll be surprised how effortlessly people open up when they feel like their perspective matters.

2) “That’s interesting—what made you decide to do that?”

For the longest time, I struggled to keep conversations going. I’d nod, smile, and say things like “Oh, cool” or “Nice,” but the interaction would quickly fizzle out.

Then one day, I was talking to a coworker who mentioned he had just taken up rock climbing. Normally, I would’ve said something generic like, “That sounds fun,” and let the conversation die. But instead, I asked, “That’s interesting—what made you decide to do that?”

His face lit up. He started telling me about how he wanted to overcome his fear of heights and push himself out of his comfort zone. That one simple phrase turned a surface-level exchange into a real, meaningful conversation.

Psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”

This phrase does exactly that. It shows genuine interest in the other person’s choices and experiences without judgment or assumption. And when people feel truly heard, they open up effortlessly.

So, next time someone shares something about their life, don’t just acknowledge it—invite them to go deeper. You might be surprised by what you learn.

3) “I totally get that—I’ve felt the same way before.”

For a long time, I thought being good at small talk meant always having something interesting to say. But the more I paid attention to great conversationalists, the more I realized something surprising: they weren’t trying to impress anyone. They were just making people feel understood.

I remember once at a friend’s gathering, I was talking to someone who mentioned how nervous they got when speaking in front of a group.

Instead of just saying, “Yeah, public speaking is tough,” I responded with, “I totally get that—I’ve felt the same way before.” Then, I shared a quick story about how I used to freeze up in meetings and what helped me get through it.

Their whole demeanor changed. They relaxed, laughed, and suddenly, the conversation felt effortless—because now we weren’t just talking; we were connecting.

People are drawn to those who make them feel seen and understood. Using this phrase signals that you relate to their experiences, which instantly builds trust and comfort.

When someone shares a struggle or feeling, don’t just acknowledge it—connect with it. Let them know they’re not alone, and you’ll be surprised at how naturally the conversation flows.

4) “That reminds me of something similar I experienced…”

I used to think that good conversations were all about asking the right questions. But over time, I realized something just as powerful—sharing a little about yourself can make the other person feel more comfortable opening up.

I remember chatting with a new colleague who mentioned they had just moved to a new city. Instead of just saying, “Oh, that must be exciting,” I responded with, “That reminds me of when I moved a few years ago—I remember feeling both excited and totally overwhelmed at first.”

Immediately, the conversation became more natural. They started asking me how I adjusted, and we ended up swapping stories about the challenges of settling into a new place.

There’s actually research behind why this works. A study found that reciprocal self-disclosure—when one person shares something personal and the other responds with something similar—helps build social bonds.

In other words, when you share a little about yourself, it encourages the other person to keep talking and deepens the conversation.

So next time someone tells you about an experience, try relating it to something similar you’ve been through. It makes small talk feel less like an interview and more like a real connection.

5) “I never thought about it that way before—that’s interesting.”

One of the biggest mistakes I used to make in small talk was feeling like I had to always add something clever or insightful. But then I realized that sometimes, the best way to keep a conversation going is simply to show genuine curiosity.

I remember talking to a friend who had a completely different perspective on a book we both read. Instead of immediately sharing my own opinion, I paused and said, “I never thought about it that way before—that’s interesting.”

That one sentence did something incredible—it made them open up even more. They started explaining their viewpoint in more detail, and suddenly, we were having a much deeper conversation instead of just exchanging surface-level opinions.

Psychology shows that people love feeling like their thoughts and ideas matter. According to psychology, when people feel their opinions are valued, they experience greater social connection and satisfaction in conversations.

By using this phrase, you’re not just keeping the conversation flowing—you’re making the other person feel heard and appreciated. And when people feel valued, they naturally want to keep talking.

6) “That’s a great point—tell me more.”

One of the biggest conversation killers I used to struggle with was unintentionally shutting things down.

Someone would share an interesting thought, and instead of encouraging them to go deeper, I’d just nod and move on to the next topic. I wasn’t doing it on purpose—I just didn’t realize how powerful a simple invitation to keep talking could be.

That changed when I was having coffee with a friend who mentioned how traveling alone had completely changed their perspective on life. Normally, I might have just said, “Wow, that’s really cool,” and left it at that. But this time, I said, “That’s a great point—tell me more.”

And they did. They opened up about how stepping out of their comfort zone helped them grow in ways they never expected. That one phrase turned what could have been a short exchange into a meaningful, flowing conversation.

When we stop rushing to respond and instead encourage people to expand on their thoughts, we create space for real connection.

Next time you hear something intriguing, resist the urge to just move on. Instead, invite the other person to share more—you might be surprised at where the conversation leads.

7) “I don’t know much about that—how does it work?”

For the longest time, I thought I had to sound knowledgeable in conversations to keep them interesting. I’d try to come up with something intelligent to say about every topic, even if I barely knew anything about it.

But ironically, the moment I stopped pretending to know everything, my conversations became way more engaging.

I remember being at a networking event where someone started talking about investing in cryptocurrency.

In the past, I would’ve nodded vaguely and tried to contribute something generic like, “Yeah, crypto is really taking off.” But instead, I admitted, “I don’t know much about that—how does it work?”

What happened next surprised me. Instead of dismissing me for not knowing, they got excited. They started explaining things in a way that made sense, and suddenly we were having a real conversation rather than just exchanging surface-level remarks.

Psychology backs this up, the “self-expansion theory” suggests that people enjoy sharing knowledge because it reinforces their expertise and sense of self. In other words, when you give someone the chance to teach you something, they actually enjoy the conversation more.

Practical tip: Next time a topic comes up that you’re unfamiliar with, resist the urge to fake knowledge. Instead, lean into curiosity—ask questions and let the other person take the lead. You’ll be surprised how much easier (and more interesting) small talk becomes.

Wrapping it up

Small talk doesn’t have to feel awkward or exhausting—even for introverts.

The key isn’t to force yourself to be more outgoing or charismatic. It’s about using subtle phrases that make conversations flow naturally, helping the other person feel heard and valued.

Here’s a simple way to put this into practice: pick just one phrase from this list and try it in your next conversation. Don’t overthink it—just use it when the moment feels right and see how the other person responds.

Over time, these small shifts will start to feel natural, and before you know it, small talk won’t feel like a chore—it’ll feel effortless.