7 situations in life when you find out who your real friends are, says psychology

Life has a funny way of showing us who our true friends are. It’s in the moments of triumph, heartbreak, confusion, and utter hilarity that we see the people who stick by us.

Psychology tells us there are certain defining situations that truly test the strength of our friendships. It’s in these moments that we discover who is really there for us.

In this article, I’ll be sharing with you 7 such situations where you get to see who your real friends are.

These aren’t just everyday situations but transformative incidents that can either make or break friendships. They provide us with profound insights into who is truly in our corner, helping us grow, stay mindful, and navigate life’s complex maze.

Get ready to see friendship in a whole new light!

1) Moments of crisis

There are periods in life when everything seems to go wrong. It could be a personal setback, a family crisis, or even a global pandemic. These are the situations when we are at our most vulnerable, and they’re also the moments that reveal who our real friends are.

According to Carl Jung, renowned psychologist, “You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.” True friends aren’t just there for the good times. They don’t just offer empty words of comfort or promise to be there for you and then disappear.

Instead, they step up during your darkest hours. They provide emotional support, lend a listening ear, and even offer practical help if needed. They don’t shy away from the messiness of your situation; rather, they dive right into it with you.

So, in times of crisis, keep an eye out for those who stay by your side. They’re the ones who genuinely care about your well-being and are invested in your journey through life.

2) The test of distance

Long-distance friendships. I’ve had my fair share of them. It’s during these stretches of geographical separation that the bonds of friendship are truly tested.

One instance that springs to mind is when I moved away for a new job opportunity. I was thrilled about the fresh start but was equally nervous about maintaining my friendships from back home.

I remember my friend, Tara, who, despite the time difference and her own hectic schedule, made it a point to check in on me regularly. Our calls and messages ranged from the mundane details of daily life to deep conversations about our fears and dreams.

This experience really resonated with a quote from Fred Rogers, who said, “In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers.”

Tara did just that. She listened and reassured me, maintaining our bond despite the miles between us. She was genuinely interested in my life and consistently made an effort to be a part of it, even if it was virtually.

So, when the miles rack up, watch out for those friends who stick around. They’re the ones who value your friendship enough to bridge any distance.

3) When you’re no longer “useful”

Have you ever noticed how some people seem to become more interested in you when they need something? It’s a harsh reality, but there are those who see friendships as transactions.

I remember being caught in a web of such ‘convenient friendships’, where my value was tied to what I could offer.

But then, as life would have it, I hit a rough patch, and suddenly, I didn’t have much to give. It was during this time that I saw a shift. The friends who only stuck around for the ‘goodies’ started drifting away.

This is where I was reminded of a powerful quote from renowned psychologist Carl Rogers: “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn…and change.” This situation taught me to learn and change my perception of friendship.

Real friends don’t stick around because you’re useful; they stick around because they value and cherish your company. They see you for who you are and not for what you can offer them.

When you find yourself in a position where you can’t give much, take note of the ones who stay. They’re the ones who truly value your friendship.

4) Success and failure

Life is a rollercoaster of ups and downs, successes and failures. These peaks and troughs in our journey often unveil the true colors of those around us.

I’m reminded of a study conducted by the Department of Psychology at Humboldt University in Berlin. The study revealed that many friendships can withstand the storms of failure, but surprisingly, not all can weather the sunshine of success. The reason? Jealousy and competition.

When you succeed, real friends celebrate with you as if your victory is their own. They feel genuinely happy for you and are there to share in your joy.

On the contrary, fair-weather friends might mask their envy with a thin veneer of congratulations or even try to downplay your achievements.

Similarly, in times of failure, true friends provide comfort and encouragement. They help you rise from the ashes, while others might subtly revel in your downfall or distance themselves.

Pay attention to how your friends react to your highs and lows. It’s a telling sign of who is genuinely rooting for you.

5) The honesty check

It’s easy to surround ourselves with ‘yes people’—those who always agree with us, compliment us, and make us feel good. But real friendship requires honesty, even when the truth might hurt.

I learned this from a friend who wasn’t afraid to call out my mistakes. At first, it was hard to digest her frankness. But then I realized she was doing it out of genuine concern and care. She wasn’t trying to put me down but to help me grow.

True friends uphold this principle in their interactions with you. They are honest, even when it’s uncomfortable, because they have your best interests at heart.

So, look out for those friends who aren’t afraid to hold up a mirror to you. They’re the ones who truly care about your growth and well-being.

6) The silence test

This might sound strange, but real friendships aren’t always about endless conversations and shared activities. Sometimes, it’s about comfortable silences.

You see, there’s a certain depth to friendships where silence doesn’t feel awkward. It’s not an uncomfortable void to be filled but a space where you can just be yourself, without the need for constant chatter.

Famed psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung once said, “The most intense conflicts, if overcome, leave behind a sense of security and calm that is not easily disturbed.” In friendships too, if you can navigate the silence and still feel connected, it leaves behind a sense of security and calm in the relationship.

Don’t be afraid of silence in your friendships. If you can sit quietly with someone without feeling the need to fill every moment with words, it’s a sign that you’re comfortable in each other’s presence—a true mark of a genuine friendship.

7) The long haul

Finally, there’s no better test of friendship than the passage of time.

True friends are in it for the long haul. They’re not just around for a season or a reason, but for a lifetime. They weather the storms of life with you, share your moments of joy, and remain constants in an ever-changing world.

Real friends are those who choose to step forward with you, embracing growth and change, journeying with you through all life’s twists and turns.

When you look around and see those who have stood by you year after year, cherish them. They are your true friends.

Final thoughts

Friendship is a beautiful journey, marked by shared laughter, tears, dreams, and experiences. But it’s also a journey of discovery, where we learn who’s truly there for us in times of joy, sorrow, success, and failure.

It’s these defining moments that help us understand the depth and authenticity of our friendships. They show us who’s ready to walk beside us through the storms, celebrate our victories, and stand by us when the world seems to turn away.

So, take a moment to reflect on your friendships. Consider these situations and think about who showed up for you. Cherish those bonds, for they are your true friends.

Remember, it’s not about having a multitude of friends; it’s about having a few real ones. So here’s to real friendships – the ones that enrich our lives and make our journey through life more meaningful.