Lachlan Brown
For a long time, I was stumped.
You know the situation:
– Strained relationships
– Miscommunication
– Lack of understanding
– Feeling disconnected.
I yearned for fulfilling relationships where every conversation deepens the bond, and every interaction brings joy.
There I was, Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit, with a keen interest in psychology, but failing miserably at maintaining meaningful relationships in my own life.
My interactions were superficial, conversations were strained and I was feeling increasingly isolated.
I felt stuck. Frustrated. And then I stumbled upon these 7 simple phrases supported by psychology that changed everything for me.
In this article, I want to share these life-altering phrases with you, hoping they can help you as much as they helped me.
Let’s dive in.
1) “I hear you”
Psychology has always emphasized the power of active listening, and this was my first revelation.
The phrase “I hear you” is simple, but it carries a powerful message. It shows that you’re present, engaged, and most importantly, that you care about what the other person is saying.
For me, this was a game changer. I realized that often in conversations, I was more focused on preparing my response than truly listening to what was being said.
By using “I hear you”, I started to show more empathy and understanding in my relationships.
It signaled to the other person that their thoughts and feelings were being acknowledged and respected.
This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with everything they say. Rather, it’s about showing that you’re genuinely interested in their point of view.
Next time someone is sharing something with you, don’t just listen – show them that you’re listening. The power of “I hear you” can truly transform your relationships.
2) “I appreciate you”
The second phrase that struck a chord with me was “I appreciate you”.
Now, I’ve always been one to express gratitude, but in my relationships, I realized I was often taking things for granted.
After reading a quote from psychologist William James who said, “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated”, it hit me.
I started intentionally expressing my appreciation to those in my life.
For example, instead of just thanking my partner for cooking dinner, I began saying, “I appreciate you for always taking the time to make us healthy meals.”
It’s a small shift in language, but it made a world of difference.
The response was amazing. I saw how this simple acknowledgement could light up their faces and deepen our connection. It reinforced their value in my life and made them feel truly seen.
Incorporating “I appreciate you” into your conversations won’t just strengthen your relationships, it will also foster a positive environment where everyone feels valued.
3) “I understand”
Another phrase that had a profound impact on my relationships was “I understand”.
Often, when people share their problems or frustrations, they’re not looking for advice or a solution. They just want to be understood.
I remember a time when a friend was going through a tough breakup. I had the urge to jump in and offer advice, to tell her what she should do. But I held back and simply said, “I understand”.
It was incredibly powerful. She didn’t need me to fix things; she just needed someone who understood her pain.
Saying “I understand” conveys empathy and compassion. It shows that you’re there in their moment of need, offering support without judgment.
Try it the next time someone opens up to you about a struggle they’re facing. You’ll likely find that “I understand” is often the best response you can give.
4) “How can I support you?”
This phrase, “How can I support you?”, was a real turning point for me.
I’ve always been one to jump in and try to solve problems. But I learned that what’s more beneficial is simply offering support.
A study conducted by the American Psychological Association found that perceived emotional support can significantly improve a person’s ability to cope with stress.
Instead of assuming what others need, this phrase opens up a dialogue and allows them to express what they truly need from you in that moment.
I recall a situation with my brother who was dealing with work-related stress. Instead of giving unsolicited advice, I asked, “How can I support you?”
His response surprised me. He didn’t want advice; he just needed someone to vent to without judgement.
This experience taught me that sometimes, all we need to do is ask.
Offering to support in the way they need, not the way we think they need, can greatly strengthen your relationships.
5) “I’m sorry”
Saying “I’m sorry” was a phrase I had to learn to say more often. This simple phrase holds the power of mending relationships and healing wounds.
We all make mistakes, it’s part of being human. But acknowledging our faults and apologizing for them is key to maintaining healthy relationships.
I remember a moment where I unintentionally hurt a friend’s feelings with an offhand comment. Instead of justifying or defending myself, I chose to apologize sincerely.
I simply said, “I’m sorry”. No buts, no excuses.
My friend appreciated my sincerity and our friendship grew stronger from that experience. It taught me that saying “I’m sorry” is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength and maturity.
Incorporating this phrase into your conversations can repair trust, mend relationships, and demonstrate your commitment to maintaining a strong bond with the other person.
6) “Tell me more”
The phrase “Tell me more” is one that I’ve found to be incredibly powerful in my relationships.
Famous psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”
And that’s exactly what this phrase does. It shows genuine interest in the other person’s thoughts and feelings.
It gives them the space and the freedom to express themselves fully, without fear of judgement or interruption.
I remember a conversation with my mom where she was telling me about her childhood.
Instead of interjecting with my own thoughts or experiences, I just said, “Tell me more”.
The impact was immediate. She opened up more, shared more, and we had one of the best conversations we’ve ever had.
Using “Tell me more” shows respect for the other person’s perspective and encourages deeper communication – strengthening your relationships in the process.
7) Silence
Now, this may seem counterintuitive, but sometimes the most powerful ‘phrase’ in a conversation is silence.
As a psychology enthusiast, I’ve learned that silence is an underused tool in communication.
It gives the other person time to process what’s been said, gather their thoughts, and express them more fully.
I remember a time when my partner and I were having a difficult discussion. Instead of immediately responding to her points, I chose to remain silent for a few moments.
This allowed both of us to calm our emotions and think more clearly about the situation.
Silence showed that I was taking her words seriously and considering them carefully before responding.
It changed the dynamic of our conversation and led to a more productive and meaningful discussion.
Try it next time you’re in a deep conversation – instead of rushing to fill every pause, allow for some silence.
You might be surprised at how it can deepen your understanding and strengthen your relationships.
Conclusion
Incorporating these phrases into your daily conversations can fundamentally transform your relationships.
But remember, it’s not just about the words you say, but the intention behind them. Authenticity is key.
Make an effort to truly listen, show empathy and be there for others in the way they need.
And most importantly, practice patience with yourself.
Changing communication habits takes time. Start with one phrase, see how it feels, and then gradually introduce the others.
Remember, every conversation is an opportunity to strengthen a relationship. So make each one count.
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