7 signs you’ve upset a genuinely kind person, according to psychology

For years, I’ve been fascinated by the complexity of human emotions and reactions.

You know what I’m talking about:

• The subtle shift in body language
• The change in tone
• The distance in their eyes
• And, of course, the silent treatment.

These are all signs that you’ve upset someone. But when it comes to genuinely kind people, it can be even more difficult to tell.

My name is Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit and a passionate enthusiast of psychology. I’ve spent countless hours delving into the intricacies of human behavior and emotions.

And let me tell you, there’s nothing quite as mystifying as trying to decipher whether you’ve upset a kind-hearted soul.

In this article, we’ll be exploring 7 signs to look out for, based on psychological principles.

Let’s dive right in.

1) Subtle changes in behavior

Psychology teaches us that people often adjust their behavior when they’re uncomfortable or unhappy. For kind-hearted individuals, these changes might be even more understated, but they’re there if you know what to look for.

Perhaps they’re not as talkative as usual, or maybe they’re avoiding eye contact. They might not laugh at your jokes like they used to, or perhaps they seem distracted when you’re talking.

It’s all too easy to dismiss these subtle shifts as them just having an “off” day. But if you notice a consistent change in their behavior every time you interact with them, it could be a sign that they’re upset with you.

Of course, it’s always best to approach the person directly if you suspect something is amiss. But understanding these psychological cues can help you address the issue before it escalates into a bigger problem.

2) They’re less enthusiastic

The second sign that you’ve upset a kind person is a noticeable drop in their enthusiasm. This is something I learnt the hard way.

A while back, I had this friend named Jake, one of the kindest people I knew. Always upbeat, always enthusiastic. But I noticed a change when I started making sarcastic remarks about his new hobby. He smiled less, his energy levels dropped and his enthusiasm vanished.

In hindsight, it was a clear sign that he was upset.

When someone is genuinely kind, they are often enthusiastic about life and the people around them. But when you upset them, this enthusiasm can diminish. They may not be as excited about shared interests or activities, and they may not participate in conversations as much as they used to.

Remember, it’s important to respect everyone’s interests and choices, even if they don’t align with ours. After all, it’s our differences that make us unique.

Ever since that experience with Jake, I’ve made it a point to be more mindful of my words and actions. And more importantly, to embrace the interests and passions of others without judgment or sarcasm.

3) They’re avoiding you

I remember when I started a new job a few years ago. I was eager to fit in and make friends, so I tried to engage with everyone. But there was one colleague, Sarah, who always seemed to be busy when I approached her.

At first, I thought she was just overwhelmed with work. But then I noticed that she had time for others. It took me a while to realize that she was avoiding me.

Later on, I found out that a joke I had made during my first week had upset her. It was never my intention, but my attempt at humor had hurt her feelings.

Sarah was genuinely kind and didn’t want to confront me about it. Instead, she chose to distance herself from me until we managed to clear the air.

It taught me a valuable lesson: Always be mindful of your words and actions, especially when you’re around people who are genuinely kind. They might not tell you outright when you’ve upset them, but their actions will speak louder than words.

4) Their communication becomes formal

The fourth sign that you’ve upset a genuinely kind person could be a change in the way they communicate with you. 

I’ve noticed this phenomenon in my own interactions. I once had a disagreement with a close friend, Tom, who is one of the kindest people I know.

After our disagreement, I noticed his messages became more formal and less personal. The friendly banter we used to have was replaced with simple responses and closed-ended conversations.

This observation is backed by a study conducted by the University of California, Berkeley. The study found that people often change their communication style when they’re unhappy or uncomfortable in a relationship.

They tend to become more formal and less personal as a way to create emotional distance.

It’s important to remember that communication is the cornerstone of any relationship. If you notice a shift in the way a kind person communicates with you, it might be time to check in and see if everything is okay.

5) They become unusually quiet

They might become unusually quiet, especially when you’re around.

This reminded me of an instance with my sister, one of the kindest souls I know. She’s usually quite talkative, sharing stories and engaging in conversations. But one day, she became unusually quiet around me.

At first, I thought she was just tired or had a lot on her mind. But when this behavior continued for several days, I realized something was off.

After some probing, she finally opened up and shared that a comment I made had upset her. She didn’t want to confront me, so she chose silence instead.

It’s important to understand that silence can sometimes speak volumes. If you notice someone who’s usually chatty becoming quiet, especially around you, it might be a sign that they’re upset.

Always make sure to approach them with understanding and give them the space to express their feelings if they wish to do so.

6) They seem distracted

They might lose focus during conversations or seem distant, even when you’re talking about something they’re usually interested in.

This reminded me of an incident with my best friend, Max. Max is a guy who’s usually fully engaged in any conversation. But I noticed a change in his behavior when he seemed constantly distracted when we hung out.

I remembered a quote from renowned psychologist Daniel Goleman: “Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion.” I wondered if my recent self-centered behavior had caused Max’s distraction.

After discussing it with him, it turned out that my constant talk about my own issues without asking about his had upset him. He felt unheard and unimportant, but being the kind-hearted person he is, he didn’t express his feelings directly.

This was a wake-up call for me. It reminded me of the importance of empathy and the need to be genuinely interested in others’ lives and experiences, not just my own.

7) They’re overly nice

The final sign that you’ve upset a genuinely kind person might seem counterintuitive: they become overly nice.

This might sound strange, but think about it. Kind people often avoid conflict and don’t want to hurt others’ feelings. So, when they’re upset, they might overcompensate by being even nicer.

I’ve experienced this with my mother. She’s the kindest person I know, and when I inadvertently upset her by forgetting her birthday, she seemed to become even more caring and attentive. It was her way of hiding her hurt feelings.

The key here is to pay attention to any sudden or drastic changes in a person’s behavior, even if it appears positive on the surface.

As a practical step, if you suspect that a kind person is overcompensating because they’re upset with you, take a moment to communicate openly with them.

Encourage them to express their feelings and reassure them that their emotions are valid and heard. It’s a simple yet effective way to maintain healthy relationships with the kind-hearted souls in our lives.

Conclusion

Understanding that you’ve upset a genuinely kind person can be challenging. They often hide their feelings to avoid conflict or to spare others from discomfort. However, by being observant and tuning in to subtle changes in their behavior, we can pick up on these signs.

Everyone makes mistakes, and we all inadvertently hurt others at times. The key is not to dwell on the mistake but to learn from it and strive to do better.

If you think you’ve upset a kind person in your life, don’t hesitate to apologize sincerely. Take responsibility for your actions, express genuine regret, and most importantly, show through your actions that you’ve learned from the experience.

Communication is vital. Encourage open conversations about feelings and emotions. This simple act can create stronger bonds and foster healthier relationships.

Treat others with kindness and respect, as you’d want to be treated.