7 signs your partner isn’t fulfilling you emotionally, according to psychology

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated by psychology.

Hi there, I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit, and a self-proclaimed psychology enthusiast.

You know the feeling:

– Unsettled

– Misunderstood

– Not getting what you need emotionally

– Questioning if your partner really ‘gets’ you.

And the constant tug-of-war between staying in a relationship that seems unfulfilling and the fear of being alone.

Not too long ago, I found myself in such a relationship. It felt like I was rowing a boat all by myself while my partner was simply along for the ride.

It was draining, to say the least. I felt unheard, undervalued, and emotionally neglected. It was obvious – my partner wasn’t fulfilling me emotionally.

But how did I come to this realization? Well, psychology came to my rescue.

In this article, I’m going to share with you 7 signs your partner isn’t fulfilling you emotionally, according to psychology. These signs helped me understand my situation better and I hope they can do the same for you.

Let’s dive in.

1) Communication feels one-sided

In the world of psychology, communication is key. And when I say communication, I mean genuine heart-to-heart talks, not just surface-level chit-chat.

During the low points in my relationship, I noticed that our conversations were starting to feel more like monologues than dialogues.

I was constantly sharing my thoughts, feelings, and concerns, but it felt like they were simply falling on deaf ears.

My partner was present physically, but emotionally? Not so much. They would nod and throw in the occasional “uh-huh”, but their lack of real engagement made me feel like I was talking to a wall.

This was my first clue that something wasn’t right – that my emotional needs weren’t being met.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, where you’re doing all the emotional labor and your partner is just passively absorbing it, that could be a sign they’re not fulfilling you emotionally.

Take note of this and consider having an open discussion with your partner about your feelings. It’s important to remember that effective communication isn’t just about speaking; it’s about listening too.

2) Lack of emotional support

One of the most glaring signs that my partner wasn’t fulfilling me emotionally was their lack of emotional support.

Here’s a personal example: I remember a time when I was stressed about an upcoming project at work. I shared my worries with my partner, hoping for some words of comfort or at least a listening ear.

Instead, all I got was a dismissive “You worry too much” and a change of subject. It felt like my feelings were invalidated and brushed aside.

The absence of emotional support in times of stress can feel like you’re navigating through stormy seas all alone. It’s not just about sympathy, it’s about empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

As the eminent psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When a person realizes he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some real sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, ‘Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it’s like to be me.'”

If you’re feeling like your emotional experiences are being dismissed or overlooked by your partner, it could be an indication that your emotional needs aren’t being met in your relationship.

3) Emotional unavailability

The third sign that my partner wasn’t fulfilling me emotionally was their emotional unavailability.

I remember planning a romantic dinner for two at home. I’d spent the entire day cooking, cleaning, and setting the mood. Excited to spend some quality time together, I eagerly awaited my partner’s arrival.

When they finally walked through the door, they barely acknowledged all the effort I’d put in. Instead, they seemed distant and preoccupied, barely responding to my attempts at conversation.

It was a classic case of emotional unavailability – physically present but emotionally distant. It’s a feeling of disconnect, like you’re not really being seen or heard, despite your partner being right in front of you.

If you find yourself feeling alone even when you’re together, it could be a red flag that your partner isn’t fulfilling your emotional needs. Remember, a relationship should be a source of comfort and companionship, and not leave you feeling isolated and neglected.

4) Lack of empathy

The fourth sign was a lack of empathy. I noticed that my partner often failed to understand or acknowledge my feelings, making me feel isolated and misunderstood.

Here’s an example: I remember being upset about a falling out with a close friend and hoping to find solace in my partner. Instead of offering comfort or understanding, they simply brushed it off, saying I was being too sensitive.

This lack of empathy was not only hurtful but also alarming. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, which is crucial for emotional fulfillment in a relationship.

According to lead researcher Dr. Joanne Davila, “Partners who are empathic are better able to understand their partners’ thoughts and feelings, and this understanding fosters intimacy and satisfaction.”

So, if your partner regularly fails to show empathy towards your feelings, it might be a sign that they’re not fulfilling you emotionally.

5) Your feelings are often invalidated

Another sign I noticed was that my feelings were often invalidated.

I recall a moment when I was feeling particularly down due to a stressful week at work. When I tried to express my feelings to my partner, instead of offering comfort, they simply told me to “get over it”.

It felt as if my emotions were being belittled and dismissed. Instead of feeling heard and understood, I felt rejected and alone.

Invalidation of your feelings can cause emotional distress and erode the sense of intimacy in a relationship. It’s important to feel that your emotions are acknowledged and respected, not dismissed or trivialized.

If you find that your partner often invalidates your feelings, it could be a sign that they’re not emotionally fulfilling you. Remember, everyone’s feelings are valid and deserve to be respected, especially by the person closest to you.

6) You feel neglected

The sixth sign that my partner wasn’t fulfilling me emotionally was a feeling of neglect.

There was a time when I was sick with the flu. I’d hoped my partner would be there to care for me, or at least check in on me. But instead, they went out with friends, leaving me alone and unattended.

This made me feel neglected and unimportant. It was as if my wellbeing didn’t matter to them.

Feeling neglected in a relationship can lead to feelings of loneliness, insignificance, and emotional disconnect.

As renowned relationship psychologist Dr. John Gottman puts it, “Feeling unimportant is a devastating form of neglect.”

If you constantly feel neglected by your partner, it may be a clear sign that they’re not fulfilling you emotionally. Everyone deserves to feel loved and cared for in a relationship.

7) You’re always the one apologizing

Finally, a less obvious but significant sign that my partner wasn’t fulfilling me emotionally was that I was always the one apologizing.

Whether it was a disagreement or a misunderstanding, somehow I always found myself being the one to say sorry first. It felt as if my partner never acknowledged their own mistakes or took responsibility for their actions.

This might seem counterintuitive, but apologies aren’t just about admitting wrongs; they’re also about showing empathy and respect for your partner’s feelings.

If you’re always the one apologizing, it could indicate a lack of emotional reciprocity in your relationship.

Here’s a practical tip: next time you find yourself in a disagreement with your partner, observe their reactions.

Do they acknowledge their part in the issue or do they deflect the blame? These patterns can shed light on whether they’re meeting your emotional needs or not.

Remember, a healthy relationship involves two-way communication, mutual respect, and emotional support.

If your partner isn’t fulfilling these needs, it might be time to have an open and honest conversation about your relationship.

Conclusion

Recognizing these signs is the first step towards understanding your emotional needs in a relationship.

If these signs resonate with you, it’s essential to address them – not only for your emotional wellbeing but for the health of your relationship too.

Open communication is the key. Talk to your partner about your feelings and concerns. Sometimes, they may be unaware of their actions or their impact on you.

Remember, it’s okay to seek help. Consider consulting a relationship counselor or a psychologist who can provide professional guidance.

Above all, remember that you deserve a relationship where you feel emotionally fulfilled and valued. Don’t settle for anything less.