Minh Tran
When someone cheers for your success, you’d think they’re happy for you. When they lend a shoulder to cry on, you’d believe they care.
But let’s face it, human relationships can be a tricky maze.
While some people are genuinely there for us, others might not have our best interests at heart. And it’s not always easy to tell the difference.
There are however, a few tell-tale signs that can help us spot the pretenders in our lives. I’ve listed 8 of them for you.
This isn’t about fostering distrust, but about cultivating mindfulness in our relationships.
After all, knowing who truly cares for us is an essential part of our personal growth journey.
1) They’re quick to celebrate your failures
Life’s a roller coaster, we all know that. It’s full of ups and downs, twists and turns.
The people who truly care about you? They’ll be there with you, through the laughs and the tears.
They’ll cheer when you succeed, and lend a comforting hand when you stumble.
But those who don’t have your best interests at heart will act differently. They might downplay your successes, or even worse, find joy in your failures.
And it’s not just about the big things. Even in small everyday situations, their reactions can be telling.
If they seem a bit too happy when you trip up, or if they’re quick to point out your mistakes while ignoring your wins, it may be a sign that they don’t truly have your best interests at heart.
No one needs such negativity in their lives. We all deserve to be surrounded by people who lift us up, not bring us down.
2) They’re absent when you need them most
Let me tell you about this friend I had. Let’s call her Jane.
Jane and I were inseparable. We laughed together, cried together, shared dreams and secrets.
But when it came to being there for each other in times of need, Jane was conspicuously absent.
There was this one time when I was going through a rough patch.
I was dealing with a personal crisis and I needed someone to talk to, someone who’d listen and maybe offer a comforting word or two.
I reached out to Jane, but she was suddenly too busy. She had all sorts of excuses about why she couldn’t make the time.
And that’s when it hit me. True friends aren’t just there in the good times—they’re there in the bad times too.
If someone repeatedly fails to show up when you need them, it might be a sign that they don’t truly have your best interests at heart.
3) They constantly belittle your goals and dreams
Imagine you’re a seed, full of potential. To grow and bloom, you need the right conditions – sunlight, water, nutrient-rich soil.
Now imagine if instead of nurturing you, someone keeps throwing shade, depriving you of the sunlight you need.
That’s what it feels like when someone constantly belittles your goals and dreams.
Did you know that our brains have a negativity bias? This means we’re more likely to remember and be affected by negative experiences than positive ones.
When someone constantly belittles your dreams, it can significantly hinder your progress towards achieving them.
If the people in your life are always quick to criticize and slow to encourage, they might not truly have your best interests at heart.
You deserve to be surrounded by people who believe in you and your potential.
4) They’re not genuinely happy for your achievements
Achieving a goal is one of the best feelings in the world. It’s even better when you have people in your corner who are genuinely happy for you.
But sometimes, people aren’t as thrilled about your victories as they should be.
They may give a tight smile, a lukewarm ‘congratulations’, or even try to one-up you with their own achievements.
This can sting, especially when it comes from those we love and trust.
A lack of genuine happiness for your achievements could be a sign that they don’t truly have your best interests at heart.
After all, the people who care about you should want to see you succeed and be happy.
5) They breach your trust
Trust me on this, nothing hurts more than a breach of trust.
I’ve had people in my life who I thought were my confidantes, my pillars.
But then they would go and spill a secret I’d shared, or worse, use it against me.
It’s a gut-wrenching feeling. It makes you question not just them, but your own judgement as well.
If someone repeatedly breaches your trust, it’s a clear sign they don’t have your best interests at heart.
Trust is the bedrock of any relationship, and without it, the foundation crumbles.
6) They’re always ‘yes’ people
You might think that having people who always agree with you is a good thing. It feels nice to be validated, right?
But here’s the thing – it’s not always in your best interest to be surrounded by ‘yes’ people.
True friends and well-wishers aren’t afraid to tell you when they think you’re wrong.
They challenge you, push you to grow, and help you see things from different perspectives.
If someone never disagrees with you or questions your decisions, they might not truly have your best interests at heart.
They could just be telling you what you want to hear, instead of what you need to hear.
7) They’re overly competitive with you
A little friendly competition can be motivational. It can push you to strive harder, reach higher, be better. But when it becomes a constant, it can be draining.
If someone is always trying to one-up you, if they can’t stand to see you do better than them even once, it’s not healthy competition anymore.
This constant need to outdo you could be their insecurity speaking.
But whatever the cause, it’s a sign that they’re not truly looking out for your best interests.
Instead of cheering you on, they’re too busy trying to stay ahead.
8) They don’t respect your boundaries
Respect is fundamental in any relationship. And that includes respecting each other’s boundaries.
If someone constantly invades your personal space, dismisses your feelings, or tries to control your decisions, they’re not respecting your boundaries.
This lack of respect is a glaring sign that they don’t truly have your best interests at heart.
Because those who care about you will honor your boundaries and value your autonomy.
Wrapping up
If you’ve traveled with me this far, you may realize that the signs we’ve discussed are more than red flags in relationships.
They are, in essence, a call to self-awareness.
Because understanding when someone doesn’t have your best interests at heart isn’t about pointing fingers or dwelling in negativity.
It’s about recognizing your worth and demanding the respect and care you deserve.
As Maya Angelou once said, “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”
Take a moment, reflect on the relationships in your life. Are they enriching your journey or holding you back?
It’s okay to prioritize your wellbeing and surround yourself with people who truly care about you.
Because ultimately, we all deserve relationships that uplift us, inspire us, and most importantly, respect us.
