Minh Tran
Growing up, I held a firm belief that everyone is inherently good. A little naive, perhaps, but can you blame me? Life’s easier when you believe in the goodness of people.
But here’s the kicker.
There are times when I’ve come across folks who seemed like saints on the surface, but turned out to be far from it. It’s hard, right? Knowing who’s genuine and who’s just putting on an act.
Psychology, however, has a way of shedding light on this predicament.
if you’ve ever wondered, “Is this person genuinely good or merely pretending?” you’re in the right place.
We are about to explore seven tell-tale signs that someone might just be masquerading as a good person.
Keep in mind; no one is perfect. We all have our off days. But if these patterns persist, it may be time to reassess your perceptions and the people around you.
Prepare for some transformative insights that could change how you view others and navigate your relationships.
After all, self-improvement isn’t just about bettering ourselves—it’s also about understanding others better too.
1) They’re always center stage
We all know that one person, right?
The one who always manages to turn the conversation back to themselves, no matter what the topic.
They’re always the hero, the victim, or the most knowledgeable in their stories.
Psychology calls this a form of narcissism.
Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s human nature to want to share our experiences. But there’s a fine line between sharing and making everything about yourself.
If they’re consistently stealing the spotlight, it might be a sign they’re not as good-hearted as they seem.
Genuine people listen and empathize; they don’t just wait for their turn to talk.
Next time you’re in a conversation with them, take note.
Are they genuinely interested in what you’re saying? Or are they just biding their time until they can steer things back to them?
2) Their actions don’t match their words
Here’s a personal story.
I remember a friend I had back in college, let’s call him Jake. Jake was always the first to offer help.
“Count on me,” he’d say, “I’ve got your back.” But when it came down to it, Jake was often nowhere to be found.
Psychology tells us that this inconsistency between words and actions can be a sign of a person pretending to be good.
It’s easy to talk the talk. But walking the walk? That’s where the true character shows.
If you find yourself dealing with someone who often makes lofty promises but rarely delivers, you might want to reconsider their intentions.
Is their goodness just a facade? Or are they genuinely trying but falling short?
Remember, real goodness isn’t just about saying the right things—it’s about doing them too.
3) They’re quick to point out others’ faults
It was a sunny afternoon. My friend and I were sipping iced lattes at our favorite café.
She began talking about our mutual friends, dissecting their lives piece by piece—judging their choices, their relationships, their careers.
It left a sour taste in my mouth.
Psychology tells us that people who frequently criticize others often do it to divert attention from their own shortcomings. It’s a classic deflection technique.
And it’s a red flag. If someone is always ready to point out the flaws in others but never acknowledges their own, it might be a sign they’re only pretending to be a good person.
Nobody’s perfect—we all have our faults and weaknesses.
But acknowledging and accepting them is what makes us genuinely good, not airing others’ dirty laundry over an iced latte.
4) They’re always the victim
Ever met someone who seems to be perpetually at the receiving end of life’s unfairness?
“I can’t believe they did this to me!” or “Why does this always happen to me?”, they lament.
It’s a pattern, a narrative they’ve constructed where they’re always the innocent victim.
This is a psychological phenomenon known as victim mentality.
People who adopt this mindset believe they have no control over their lives and are constantly being wronged by others.
While everyone has unfortunate experiences, a perpetual victim view is a sign that a person may be pretending to be good.
They use their ‘victimhood’ to gain sympathy and manipulate others’ perceptions of them.
Genuine people don’t play the victim card. They take responsibility for their actions and learn from their mistakes.
If you find someone always stuck in the ‘poor me’ narrative, it might be time to rethink their authenticity.
5) They have a lack of empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a key component that makes us human.
But did you know that empathy is not a given in everyone?
Some individuals struggle with it, particularly those who may be pretending to be good people.
They may feign concern or sympathy, but their reactions often feel hollow or forced.
Psychology has a term for this: cognitive empathy. It’s when someone understands what you’re going through on an intellectual level but doesn’t genuinely share or feel your emotions.
If you notice someone who seems to lack authentic empathy—someone who can’t genuinely rejoice in your happiness or offer comfort in your sadness—it could be a sign they’re not as good-natured as they appear.
After all, a good person isn’t just there for the photo ops—they’re there for the tears and triumphs too.
6) They’re dismissive of your feelings
A few years back, I was going through a tough time. I opened up to a friend about my struggles, hoping for a comforting ear.
Instead, I was met with, “Oh, it’s not that big of a deal. You’re overreacting.”
It felt like a punch in the gut.
Psychology cautions us about people who belittle or dismiss our feelings.
It’s a form of emotional invalidation—an unhealthy behavior where someone minimizes or rejects your feelings as unimportant.
A genuinely good person doesn’t dismiss your feelings; they respect them.
They understand that your emotions are real and valid, no matter how different they might be from their own.
If you find someone consistently brushing off your feelings, it may be a sign they’re just pretending to be a good person.
Everyone’s feelings matter. And everyone deserves to be heard.
7) They’re only nice when they need something
This is a big one.
Have you ever noticed someone being particularly nice to you, only to realize later that they needed a favor?
If their kindness comes with strings attached—if it feels more transactional than genuine—it could be a sign they’re just pretending to be a good person.
Genuine goodness is unconditional. It doesn’t change based on what they can get out of you. It’s consistent, not circumstantial.
If someone’s niceness seems to fluctuate based on their needs, take note. True kindness isn’t a tool for personal gain—it’s an inherent trait that shines through regardless of the situation.
Reflections and moving forward
If you’ve found yourself nodding along as you read these signs, know that it’s okay. We have all encountered people who are just pretending to be good.
The key takeaway here is awareness.
Recognize these behaviors, understand the psychology behind them, and use this knowledge to reassess your relationships and interactions.
Nobody is perfect. We all have our moments of insincerity and self-interest. But it’s the consistent patterns that matter.
And remember—this isn’t about casting judgment or holding grudges.
It’s about understanding human behavior better so we can navigate our relationships more mindfully.
So take a moment to reflect. Have you been overlooking these signs in someone? Have you been justifying their behavior?
It’s never easy to face the truth, but it’s the first step towards healthier relationships.
And as we continue our journey of self-improvement, let’s strive to be genuinely good people ourselves—not because we want something in return, but because it’s who we are at our core.
After all, as the age-old saying goes, “Treat others how you want to be treated.”
In doing so, we not only foster healthier relationships but also contribute positively to the world around us.
Let’s keep learning, growing, and striving for authenticity in all our interactions.
