8 signs someone is not actually a nice person (even if they seem polite on the surface)

If someone smiles at you, you’d think they’re friendly. If they say please and thank you, you’d consider them polite.

But, appearances can be deceiving.

Understanding the true nature of a person isn’t as straightforward as it seems.

It requires a knack to see through the facade, to catch the subtle hints that tell you who they really are beneath the courtesy.

And I’m here to help you out with that.

So let’s get right into the eight signs that someone might not be as nice as they portray themselves to be, no matter how polite they seem on the surface.

1) They’re all about themselves

We all love a good conversation, don’t we?

There’s something about catching up with friends, sharing stories, and bonding over shared experiences that just feels so comforting.

But have you ever been in one of those conversations where the other person talks only about themselves?

Where they seem to steer the conversation back to them every time, ignoring your inputs or cutting you off mid-sentence?

It’s exhausting, right?

Well, that’s your first sign. People who monopolize conversations to focus on themselves often lack empathy, a trait that’s crucial for being a genuinely nice person.

They might seem polite and charming on the surface, but their self-centeredness could be hiding a lack of genuine concern for others.

A good conversation is a two-way street.

If it feels like you’re stuck in a one-way alley, you might want to reconsider if they’re as nice as they appear to be.

2) They never acknowledge their mistakes

I remember this one time I was working on a group project with a friend, let’s call him Mark.

Mark seemed like a great guy – always smiling, always polite. But as we delved deeper into the project, I began to notice something.

Whenever we made a mistake or encountered a problem, Mark would always deflect the blame onto someone else.

It was never his fault. It was the faulty software, the confusing instructions, or even the weather. Anything but him.

This is another red flag. Genuine people accept their mistakes and learn from them, instead of sweeping them under the rug or blaming others.

If someone never takes responsibility for their actions and always tries to shift the blame, they might not be as nice as they seem, regardless of how polite they appear on the surface.

3) They’re quick to criticize

In the world of psychology, there’s a concept known as ‘projection’.

This is when people attribute their own negative traits onto others, often without realizing they’re doing it.

So when someone is constantly criticizing others, they might be projecting their own insecurities and flaws onto those around them.

It’s a defensive mechanism that helps them avoid confronting their own issues.

If you notice someone always finding faults in others while seemingly oblivious to their own, take a step back.

They might be using politeness as a facade to mask their not-so-nice tendencies. Genuine kindness involves acceptance and understanding, not constant criticism.

4) They lack consistency

Have you ever met someone who is incredibly nice one day and then unexpectedly cold the next? It’s confusing, right?

Consistency is key in any relationship. It provides a sense of safety and reliability.

But when someone’s behavior fluctuates wildly, it can be a sign of insincerity.

They might shower you with attention and kindness one day, only to become distant and dismissive the next.

This unpredictable behavior can indicate that their niceness isn’t genuine, but a tool they use when it suits them.

Truly nice people are kind and considerate consistently, not just when it’s convenient for them.

5) They’re constantly gossiping

I’ve always believed that a true friend is someone who talks to you, not about you.

There’s this person I know who has a knack for knowing the latest scoop about everyone.

At first, I found it amusing, even flattering. But then I realized something – if they’re talking about others with me, they’re probably talking about me with others.

Gossiping is a clear sign of a lack of respect for others’ privacy. It’s not only impolite, but it also shows a failure to communicate openly and honestly.

If you find yourself dealing with someone who seems nice but can’t resist a juicy piece of gossip, take a step back.

Genuine kindness respects boundaries, and that includes not spreading rumors or discussing someone behind their back.

6) They’re overly flattering

Compliments feel great, don’t they? They boost our self-esteem and make us feel valued. But there’s a line between genuine praise and excessive flattery.

When someone constantly showers you with compliments, it might seem like they’re incredibly nice. But sometimes, it’s just an attempt to win your favor.

Over-flattering can be a manipulation tactic, used to sway your opinion or gain your trust.

True kindness doesn’t need constant sweet talk to prove itself.

If the praise seems too frequent or too good to be true, it might be a sign that the person isn’t as nice as they appear.

7) They dismiss your feelings

We all experience a range of emotions, and it’s important to have them acknowledged and validated.

But what if someone constantly dismisses your feelings?

What if they tell you you’re overreacting or being too sensitive? It can make you feel small and unimportant, right?

Dismissing someone else’s feelings is a clear sign of a lack of empathy.

A truly nice person takes the time to understand your perspective, even if it differs from their own.

They reassure you that your feelings are valid and important.

If someone is quick to brush off your emotions while maintaining a polite facade, they might not be as nice as they seem.

8) They lack genuine interest in others

The essence of being a nice person is showing genuine interest and care for others.

If someone only engages in conversations that revolve around them or shows disinterest when you talk about your life, it’s a clear sign that their niceness might be superficial.

True kindness involves being curious about others, listening actively, and showing empathy.

If these elements are missing, no amount of politeness can compensate for the lack of genuine interest.

It’s the most telling sign that someone may not be as nice as they appear to be.

Reflecting on genuine kindness

As we navigate through life, it’s crucial to remember that true kindness goes beyond mere surface politeness. It’s deeply rooted in empathy, humility, and a genuine interest in others.

As you interact with people and evaluate their niceness, consider these signs. Reflect on their consistency, their respect for your feelings, their willingness to accept mistakes.

And most importantly, remember that genuine kindness isn’t about constant flattery or self-centeredness. It’s about a sincere connection and mutual respect.

After all, as the saying goes, “Being nice is easy; being kind requires effort.”

Ava Sinclair

Ava Sinclair is a former competitive athlete who transitioned into the world of wellness and mindfulness. Her journey through the highs and lows of competitive sports has given her a unique perspective on resilience and mental toughness. Ava’s writing reflects her belief in the power of small, daily habits to create lasting change.

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