7 signs of relationship incompatibility that 95% of couples overlook, says psychology

For years, I thought I had it all figured out when it came to relationships.

You know the drill:

– Love

– Understanding

– Communication

– Blissful companionship.

But the reality was far from my idealized version.

Hi, I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit and an avid psychology enthusiast. A few years back, I was in a relationship that checked all the ‘perfect’ boxes yet it felt off.

Despite the laughter and shared interests, there was a nagging sensation of something amiss. I couldn’t put my finger on it until I delved into the fascinating world of psychology.

And then it hit me: we were incompatible in subtle ways that 95% of couples overlook, according to psychology.

In this article, I will reveal these 7 signs of relationship incompatibility. These insights helped me transform my approach to relationships and I hope they can do the same for you.

Let’s dive in.

1) Communication breakdown

We all know that communication is the lifeblood of any relationship.

Yet, it was something I was taking for granted in my own relationship. We talked, laughed, and shared, but were we really communicating?

Psychology says no.

Effective communication is not simply about exchanges of words. It’s about understanding your partner’s feelings, perspectives and needs. It’s about making sure they feel heard and validated.

When these elements are missing, you’re facing a classic sign of relationship incompatibility.

In my case, we were talking but not really listening to each other. Our discussions often ended in arguments, misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

But once I understood this, I started putting in the effort to truly listen and understand my partner’s point of view. It wasn’t easy, but it was a step in the right direction towards a healthier relationship.

If you’re experiencing similar issues, take a moment to reflect on how you communicate with your partner. Are you truly listening, or merely waiting for your turn to speak?

Remember, understanding is a two-way street: it requires both speaking and active listening.

2) Lack of shared values

I remember a time when my partner and I were discussing our future. We seemed to be on opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of what we envisioned for ourselves.

She wanted a laid-back lifestyle, while I craved adventure and exploration. She valued security and stability, while I valued growth and change.

This was a clear sign of incompatibility that I was overlooking. Our core values were drastically different, yet I kept hoping things would somehow fall into place.

But what happens when your authentic self doesn’t align with your partner’s?

This doesn’t mean every couple must share identical values. However, having shared fundamental values or principles can be crucial for compatibility in the long term.

After realizing this, I started focusing on finding someone who shared my core values and life goals, rather than trying to fit into someone else’s idea of a perfect relationship.

3) Different conflict resolution styles

I’m someone who likes to address issues head-on, believing that open and honest communication is the best way to resolve disagreements. My partner, on the other hand, preferred to avoid conflict altogether.

She would often shut down or withdraw at the first sign of disagreement. This left many of our issues unresolved, leading to a buildup of resentment and frustration over time.

These different conflict resolution styles created a significant strain on our relationship. It felt like we were speaking different languages when it came to handling disagreements.

Once I recognized this, I tried to find a middle ground where we could both feel comfortable expressing our feelings and resolving conflicts. But it was challenging when our approaches were so vastly different.

If you and your partner also have contrasting ways of dealing with conflict, it’s essential to recognize this as a potential sign of incompatibility. It’s crucial for both parties in a relationship to feel heard and understood, especially during disagreements.

4) Incompatible sense of humor

For years, I overlooked the importance of having a shared sense of humor in a relationship.

I’ve always been someone who enjoys witty banter and clever jokes, but my partner didn’t share this love for humor. Our comedic tastes were completely mismatched, which made me feel disconnected from her.

Turns out, science backs up the importance of humor in relationships. According to a study published in the Western Journal of Communication, couples who share a similar sense of humor are more satisfied in their relationships.

The study stated that humor plays a critical role in developing social bonds and managing conflict, both vital aspects of a healthy relationship.

After reading this study, I realized that sharing a similar sense of humor isn’t just about having fun together; it also plays a significant role in maintaining relationship satisfaction and harmony.

So, if you and your partner have vastly different senses of humor, it may be something worth considering when evaluating your compatibility. A shared laugh can go a long way in fostering connection and understanding between partners.

5) Lack of mutual respect

One sign of incompatibility that I failed to recognize initially was a lack of mutual respect in my relationship.

I recall a time when my opinions and ideas were often dismissed without a second thought. It felt as if my perspective carried no weight, which was both hurtful and demeaning.

Respect is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. It’s about valuing each other’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences, even if you don’t always agree with them.

When respect is missing, it can breed resentment and dissatisfaction, leading to a strained relationship.

In retrospect, I realized that a relationship without mutual respect was not only incompatible but also unhealthy.

Understanding this changed the way I approached relationships. I learned to value respect as much as love and communication.

6) Lack of emotional intimacy

There was a period in my relationship when I felt emotionally distant from my partner. We shared a living space, we shared meals, but we didn’t share our deepest feelings and thoughts.

It was as if there was an invisible wall between us, preventing us from truly connecting on an emotional level.

Reflecting made me realize how vital emotional intimacy is to a relationship’s well-being. It’s not just about being physically present with each other but also about being emotionally available and vulnerable.

From then on, I made it a point to prioritize emotional intimacy in my relationships, to share my feelings openly and encourage my partner to do the same.

7) Too much similarity

Contrary to popular belief, being too similar can actually be a sign of incompatibility.

In my past relationship, my partner and I were almost identical in our likes, dislikes, and hobbies. While it was fun initially, over time it made our relationship somewhat monotonous.

We didn’t challenge each other or bring in new perspectives because we were so alike. There was no growth or learning from each other, which made our relationship stagnant.

As they say, “Opposites attract,” and there’s a good reason for that. Differences can bring balance to a relationship and provide opportunities for personal growth.

So, if you and your partner are too similar, it might be a sign of incompatibility that you’re overlooking.

A practical tip? Engage in activities that you wouldn’t normally do. This can help bring a fresh perspective to your relationship and encourage both of you to step out of your comfort zones.

Conclusion

Recognizing these signs of relationship incompatibility can be challenging, but it’s crucial for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

It’s not about finding a perfect match but about understanding your own needs and finding someone who complements you in the best possible way.

If you’ve spotted some of these signs in your relationship, don’t panic. It’s an opportunity for open dialogue and growth.

Try to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about these issues. Seek professional help if needed.

Most importantly, always remember that it’s okay to prioritize your happiness and well-being. After all, you deserve a relationship that brings out the best in you.

In the words of Maya Angelou, “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” Let this guide your journey towards finding compatibility in love and relationships.