Tara Whitmore
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of gaslighting, you know how confusing and unsettling it can be.
Gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation, can make you question your own reality and sanity.
As a psychologist, I’ve noticed that high-level gaslighters often use certain phrases to distort your perception and gain control.
They may make you feel like you’re overreacting, not remembering things correctly, or even losing your mind.
Gaslighting isn’t simply an annoying habit or a communication style. It’s a serious form of emotional abuse.
But understanding the key phrases gaslighters use could be your first step in recognizing and addressing this harmful behavior.
In the following paragraphs, we’ll explore these high-level phrases that gaslighters love to use, shedding light on their manipulative tactics.
1) “You’re just too sensitive”
One phrase that high-level gaslighters love to toss around is, “You’re just too sensitive”. This statement is a classic gaslighting move.
It’s designed to make you question your own feelings and reactions, painting them as excessive or irrational.
For example, let’s say you express hurt about a snide comment they made.
Instead of acknowledging your feelings and apologizing, they might respond with, “You’re just too sensitive”. This not only deflects blame but also invalidates your emotions.
The intention behind this phrase is to make you feel guilty for being affected by their actions or words.
It’s a way of shifting the focus from their inappropriate behavior to your reaction. And over time, it can make you second-guess every emotional response you have.
By calling you “too sensitive”, the gaslighter aims to gain power over you – making you less likely to voice your concerns in the future.
It’s a manipulative tactic designed to make you doubt yourself and question your own reality.
Recognizing this phrase for what it is can be a crucial step towards dealing with gaslighting effectively.
2) “I don’t remember that”
This phrase, “I don’t remember that”, is a subtle but highly effective tool in the gaslighter’s arsenal. It might seem innocent, but it’s often used to create doubt about your recollections and experiences.
Say you bring up a past incident where the gaslighter’s actions caused you distress. Instead of addressing your concerns, they may simply claim they don’t remember it happening.
This isn’t about a faulty memory. It’s a calculated move designed to make you question your own memory.
This phrase can lead to a strange kind of reality distortion where you start to wonder if events really happened the way you remember them.
You might even begin to believe you’re misremembering things or making them up entirely.
The goal of the gaslighter here is not just to evade accountability but also to destabilise your sense of reality. By doing this, they can exert more control over your perceptions and feelings.
So, the next time you hear “I don’t remember that”, it might be time to take a step back and evaluate the situation with fresh eyes.
3) “You’re overreacting”
Another common phrase gaslighters use is “You’re overreacting”. It’s a way for them to dismiss your feelings, making you feel as though your emotional responses are unwarranted or excessive.
Imagine you’re upset because the gaslighter broke a promise. Instead of acknowledging your disappointment, they might say, “You’re overreacting”.
This phrase is designed to belittle your emotions and make you feel unreasonable.
Interestingly, when someone tells us we’re overreacting, our brain’s stress response can actually intensify, resulting in us feeling more upset and defensive.
This can further entrench the belief that we are, in fact, overreacting.
The gaslighter’s aim with this phrase is to make you question your own emotional responses. With enough repetition, you may start to suppress your feelings and avoid confrontations altogether.
Remember, it’s natural and valid to have emotional responses and it’s important to express them appropriately.
If someone consistently tells you that you’re overreacting, it might be a sign of gaslighting.
4) “I was only joking”
The phrase “I was only joking” is another tool in the gaslighter’s toolkit. It seems harmless on the surface, almost playful. But it can be used to disguise hurtful comments and belittle your feelings.
Let’s say the gaslighter makes a derogatory comment about you. When you express your hurt, they might quickly backtrack and say, “I was only joking”.
The comment, which may have felt like a punch to the gut for you, is brushed off as a joke.
It’s important to remember that humor should never be at the expense of someone’s feelings.
It’s not okay for someone to make you the butt of their jokes and then dismiss your hurt by saying they were just kidding.
Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to let the other person know when their words have hurt you.
Remember, everyone deserves respect and kindness in their interactions with others.
If “I was only joking” is a phrase that often comes up in your conversations with someone, it might be a sign of gaslighting.
It’s essential for you to trust your feelings and stand up for yourself.
5) “That never happened”
One of the most disorienting phrases a gaslighter can use is, “That never happened”. It’s direct, it’s blatant, and it’s designed to shake your certainty in your own memory.
Picture this: you’re discussing an event or argument that was significant to you. You’re certain of what happened.
But the gaslighter flatly denies it. They insist it never happened. This isn’t about a difference in perspective—it’s a refusal to acknowledge reality.
This phrase is often used to rewrite history, making you feel like you’re losing grip on reality.
It’s an extremely frustrating experience because it feels like arguing with someone about whether the sky is blue.
The key here is to trust yourself. Your memories and experiences are valid, even if someone else denies them.
If you frequently hear “That never happened”, it could very well be a sign of gaslighting—don’t let someone else erase your reality.
6) “You’re imagining things”
The phrase “You’re imagining things” is a gaslighter’s way of making you question your own perceptions and sanity. It’s a method to make you doubt your own experiences and recall.
Let me tell you about a time when I saw this in action. A close friend confided in me about an issue they were having with their partner.
They had noticed a change in their partner’s behavior – showing signs of indifference and unresponsiveness.
When they confronted their partner about it, the response was, “You’re imagining things”.
This phrase was used to dismiss my friend’s concerns and make them feel like they were seeing problems where there were none.
The gaslighter was trying to make my friend feel like they were the one with the issue, not them.
When someone tells you that you’re imagining things, it can lead you to question your own judgment.
Remember, your perceptions are valid, and if something feels off, it probably is. Don’t let a gaslighter shake your confidence in your own perceptions.
7) “You’re making things up”
Let’s get this straight: if someone tells you, “You’re making things up”, it’s a glaring sign of gaslighting.
It’s a phrase used to dismiss your feelings and experiences, and it’s not something to be taken lightly.
Imagine you’re sharing your concerns or expressing your feelings, only to be met with, “You’re making things up”.
This is not only discrediting your experiences but also undermining your credibility.
Don’t let someone else dictate your reality. If you have evidence or a strong feeling about something, hold onto that. You know your own experiences better than anyone else.
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but if this phrase is being thrown around frequently, it may be time to evaluate the relationship and consider seeking help or guidance.
You deserve to be heard and respected, not dismissed or invalidated.
8) “You’re crazy”
Perhaps one of the most damaging phrases a gaslighter can use is, “You’re crazy”. This phrase is designed to make you doubt your own sanity and it’s a powerful tool of manipulation.
Let’s say you’ve caught onto the gaslighter’s game. You call them out on their manipulative behaviour.
Their response? “You’re crazy”. It’s an attempt to discredit you completely and undermine your self-confidence.
But here’s the most important thing you need to remember: You are not crazy. Your feelings are valid, your experiences are real, and your perceptions are trustworthy.
If someone is trying to make you believe that you’re crazy, it’s a sure sign of gaslighting. Don’t let them shake your belief in yourself.
Stand strong in your truth, reach out for support if needed, and remember: you have the right to be treated with respect and honesty.
Conclusion
Being in a relationship, whether it’s romantic, familial, or platonic, means navigating a minefield of emotions and interactions.
And when gaslighting is thrown into the mix, it can become even more complex and challenging.
This article has been designed to help you identify some of the key phrases used by high-level gaslighters.
But remember, knowledge is only the first step. It’s what you do with that knowledge that truly matters.
Being on the receiving end of gaslighting can be confusing and distressing. But always remember that your feelings are valid, your memories are real, and your experiences are your own.
Don’t let anyone make you question your reality or undermine your self-worth. Stand strong, trust yourself, and don’t hesitate to reach out for help when you need it.
Here’s to healthier relationships and a stronger sense of self! You’ve got this.
