Eliza Hartley
There’s a world of difference between telling your child you love them and making them truly feel loved and validated.
The key lies in communication. Sometimes, what we say to our children doesn’t quite hit the mark, despite our best intentions.
What if I told you that psychology has identified certain phrases that good mothers use to make their child feel truly loved and validated? Phrases that communicate love in a way that reaches the heart of the child, affirming their worth and building their self-esteem.
In this article, I’m going to share with you seven such phrases. These aren’t just words, they’re tools for nurturing a deep emotional connection with your child.
Remember, this isn’t about manipulation or empty flattery. It’s about authentic communication that fosters love, validation, and mutual respect. Let’s dive in.
1) “I see you”
Parenting isn’t just about providing for your child’s physical needs. It’s also about acknowledging their emotional world.
Psychology tells us that one of the most important things a child needs is to be seen and understood. To have their feelings and experiences validated.
One simple way to do this? By using the phrase “I see you”.
“I see you” is more than just an acknowledgment of their physical presence. It’s a verbal affirmation that you are aware of their emotional state, their struggles, their joys.
It’s telling your child: “I understand what you’re going through. I acknowledge your feelings. You matter to me.”
This phrase can be particularly powerful when your child is going through a tough time. It reassures them that they’re not alone, that they are understood and loved, even in their darkest moments.
But remember, it’s not enough to just say the words. You need to mean them. Your genuine empathy and understanding will shine through, validating your child’s feelings and making them feel truly loved.
2) “You’re doing great”
As a mother, I know how crucial it is to encourage our children, especially when they’re trying something new. Encouraging words can work wonders in boosting their self-esteem and motivation.
One phrase I often use with my kids is: “You’re doing great”.
I remember when my youngest was learning to ride a bike. Every time he’d wobble or fall, he’d look at me with those big, unsure eyes. I’d reassure him with a warm smile and say, “You’re doing great. Keep going.”
Those words would light up his face and give him the courage to get back on the bike. He knew he was making progress, even if it didn’t feel like it in the moment.
Every time you affirm your child’s efforts, you are reinforcing their self-belief and resilience. You are telling them that it’s okay to make mistakes and that they should keep trying.
But once again, it’s important to be sincere. Empty praise can do more harm than good. So only use this phrase when your child is genuinely making an effort or showing improvement.
3) “I’m here for you”
In moments of distress or discomfort, a child’s perception of their caregiver’s availability can significantly impact their ability to cope.
The phrase “I’m here for you” offers a sense of security and comfort. It reassures the child that they are not alone in their struggle and that there is someone ready to offer support.
Research has shown that children who feel a secure attachment with their caregivers – knowing that they can rely on them for help when needed – tend to grow into emotionally resilient adults. They are better equipped to handle stress, develop healthier relationships, and have a more positive self-image.
Using this phrase doesn’t just provide immediate comfort; it contributes to your child’s long-term emotional well-being. It’s a simple yet powerful affirmation of your unwavering support and love.
4) “How do you feel about that?”
Opening up lines of communication with our kids is essential, especially about their feelings. One phrase that can help facilitate this is, “How do you feel about that?”
Asking this question allows your child to express their emotions freely. It tells them that their feelings are important and valid.
It’s also an excellent way to teach your child emotional intelligence. By discussing feelings, you’re helping them develop a vocabulary for their emotions and understand the link between their feelings and experiences.
Remember, it’s essential to listen attentively when they share. Show them that you value their perspective and that their feelings matter.
This not only fosters a deeper connection but also validates them and makes them feel loved.
5) “I’m sorry”
Admitting mistakes can be tough. I’ve discovered, however, that the phrase “I’m sorry” carries immense power when it comes to building a strong relationship with my child.
There was a time when I lost my temper over a small matter. Seeing the surprise and hurt on my child’s face made me realize my error.
I sat him down, looked him in the eye, and said, “I’m sorry. Mommy shouldn’t have yelled. Will you forgive me?”
Apologizing showed my child that I am human, prone to mistakes, and willing to admit when I’m wrong. It taught him about responsibility, humility, and the importance of seeking forgiveness.
Saying “I’m sorry” when you’re wrong validates your child’s feelings and shows them that their emotions are respected.
It builds trust and sets an example for them about owning up to one’s mistakes.
6) “I believe in you”
Expressing belief and confidence in your child’s capabilities is one of the most empowering things a parent can do. The phrase “I believe in you” achieves exactly that.
When your child is faced with a new challenge or a difficult task, these words can boost their confidence and encourage them to push their boundaries.
They communicate your unwavering faith in their abilities, even when they might be doubting themselves.
Telling your child “I believe in you” not only validates their efforts but also reinforces the idea that they are capable and competent.
It’s a small phrase with a big impact, fostering self-confidence and resilience in your child.
7) “I love you”
At the heart of every conversation, every interaction, every moment shared with your child, there should be love. And sometimes, the most straightforward phrase can be the most powerful: “I love you.”
These three words carry a profound message of acceptance, security, and unconditional love. They tell your child that they are loved for who they are, with all their strengths and weaknesses.
Saying “I love you” regularly and meaningfully to your child can help them feel cherished and valued. It’s a crucial phrase that fosters a sense of belonging and self-worth in your child.
Final thoughts: The power of words
The impact of our words on our children is immense. As parents, we have the power to shape their self-image, their confidence, and their understanding of love.
The phrases we’ve explored are more than just words. They are bridges of connection, validation, and love that we build with our children. They convey to our children that they are seen, heard, and deeply loved.
Renowned child psychologist Haim Ginott once said, “Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn’t have anything to do with it.” Our words and actions shape our children’s worldview and their sense of self.
As we consciously use phrases that affirm and validate our children, we’re not only expressing our love but also empowering them to grow into confident, secure adults.
Remember, every word we utter is an opportunity to make our child feel loved and validated. So let’s choose our words wisely.
