7 personality traits of people who struggle with letting go of the past, says psychology

For years, I found myself stuck in a cycle of overthinking, regret, and what-ifs. No matter how much I wanted to move forward, my mind kept dragging me back to the past.

Letting go wasn’t just difficult—it felt impossible.

At the time, I didn’t understand why. I thought maybe I just needed more willpower or better distractions. But as I dove deeper into psychology and self-improvement, I realized something important: Certain personality traits make it much harder to release the past and embrace the present.

As the founder of Hack Spirit and a lifelong student of mindfulness and psychology, I’ve spent years exploring why some people struggle more than others with letting go. And if you’re one of them, understanding these traits can be the first step toward real change.

So let’s dive in—here are 7 personality traits that make it tough to move on, according to psychology.

1) They overanalyze everything

I used to replay conversations in my head over and over, analyzing every word, every tone, every possible hidden meaning.

Did I say the wrong thing? Did they secretly think less of me? What if I had responded differently?

If this sounds familiar, you might have the same habit—overanalyzing everything to the point where it’s impossible to just let things go.

Psychology suggests that people who struggle to move on often have a tendency toward rumination—the habit of obsessively thinking about past events, especially negative ones. Rather than learning from an experience and moving forward, they stay stuck in a loop of “what could have been.”

The problem? The more you analyze the past, the more power it has over you.

If this resonates with you, try practicing mindfulness. When you catch yourself overanalyzing, gently bring your focus back to the present moment—whether that’s your breath, your surroundings, or the task at hand. 

2) They tie their self-worth to past mistakes

I used to let my past define me. Every mistake, every failed relationship, every missed opportunity—I carried them like a weight on my shoulders.

I wasn’t just remembering the past; I was using it as proof that I wasn’t good enough. Any time I tried to move forward, a voice in my head would remind me of all the times I had failed before.

The truth is, tying your self-worth to your past only keeps you trapped in it. Instead of seeing failures as learning experiences, you start seeing them as proof that you’re not worthy of happiness or success.

What helped me break free from this mindset was self-compassion. I started reminding myself that mistakes don’t define me—they’re just part of being human. If you struggle with this too, try speaking to yourself the way you would to a good friend.

You wouldn’t tell them they’re worthless because of a past mistake—so why say it to yourself?

3) They struggle with uncertainty

I used to believe that if I could just understand the past—why things happened the way they did, what I could have done differently—then maybe I’d finally feel at peace.

But the more I searched for answers, the more questions I found. Why did that person walk away? What if I had made a different choice? Could things have turned out better?

For people who struggle with letting go, that uncertainty can be unbearable. Instead of accepting what we don’t know we keep searching, replaying memories, and digging for closure that may never come.

Learning to sit with uncertainty, instead of fighting against it, was one of the hardest but most freeing lessons I ever learned.

If you find yourself stuck in this cycle, try reminding yourself: You don’t need all the answers to move forward. Letting go isn’t about solving the past—it’s about choosing to live fully in the present, even when some things remain unknown.

4) They replay negative memories more than positive ones

I used to have a habit of dwelling on the worst moments of my life—failed relationships, embarrassing mistakes, painful regrets. No matter how many good things happened to me, my mind always found its way back to the negative.

And it turns out, I’m not alone in this.

According to research published in the Review of General Psychology, our brains are actually wired to focus more on negative experiences than positive ones—a phenomenon known as the negativity bias.

This bias helped our ancestors survive by making them highly aware of threats, but today, it often just keeps us stuck in the past.

For people who struggle with letting go, this negativity bias can be especially strong. We replay painful memories so often that they start to feel bigger and more important than they really are, overshadowing the good things in our lives.

What helped me break free was intentionally shifting my focus. Every time I caught myself dwelling on a negative memory, I consciously reminded myself of something positive—an achievement, a moment of joy, a time when things did go right. 

5) They seek closure that may never come

For the longest time, I believed that moving on was impossible without closure. I wanted explanations, apologies, and neatly tied-up endings before I could finally let go.

But life doesn’t always work that way. Some people leave without saying why. Some situations don’t have clear resolutions. And waiting for closure that may never come only keeps us trapped in the past.

I learned this the hard way after a painful breakup. I kept replaying our last conversations, searching for hidden meanings, wondering if I had missed something. I thought that if I could just understand why things ended the way they did, I’d finally be able to move on.

But the truth is, closure isn’t something you always get—sometimes, it’s something you have to create for yourself. Instead of waiting for answers that might never come, I had to decide that I was done searching, done analyzing, done holding on to something that was already gone.

6) They define themselves by their past

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was letting my past define me. Instead of seeing myself as someone who had experienced failure, I saw myself as a failure.

Psychologist Albert Ellis once said, “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”

That quote hit me hard. Because as much as I wanted to move forward, I was still letting my past control my present—acting as if my mistakes were permanent labels rather than things I could learn from and move on.

What helped me shift this mindset was reminding myself that who I was is not the same as who I am or who I can become. If you struggle with this too, try asking yourself: If I stopped defining myself by my past, what kind of person would I allow myself to be? The answer might surprise you.

7) They think letting go means forgetting

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting.

In fact, trying to force yourself to forget can make things worse. Psychology research has shown that suppressing thoughts often makes them come back even stronger—a phenomenon known as the ironic process theory.

Real letting go isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about changing your relationship with it. It’s about accepting that what happened happened, but choosing not to let it define your present.

So instead of trying to push memories away, try this practical exercise: The next time a painful memory surfaces, don’t fight it. Acknowledge it, but instead of dwelling on it, shift your focus to what you’ve learned from it.

Ask yourself: How has this experience helped me grow? What strength did I gain from it? Over time, this shift in perspective can help loosen the grip of the past—without needing to forget it altogether.

How to finally let go and move forward

If you see yourself in any of these traits, don’t be too hard on yourself—awareness is the first step to change.

Letting go isn’t about forcing yourself to forget or pretending the past didn’t happen. It’s about shifting your focus from what was to what can be.

Here are three simple steps to start moving forward today:

• Practice mindfulness – When your mind drifts to the past, gently bring it back to the present. Focus on your breath, your surroundings, or what you’re doing right now.
• Rewrite your story – Instead of seeing your past as something that defines you, view it as something that shaped you. What lessons did it teach you? How did it make you stronger?
• Give yourself permission to move on – Closure isn’t something you always get from others; sometimes, it’s a decision you make for yourself. Decide that you deserve peace, and take small steps toward creating it.

You don’t have to let go all at once. But every time you choose the present over the past, you’re taking a step toward freedom. And that’s how real healing begins.