James Carter
There’s a significant correlation between our childhood experiences and our adult behaviors.
Particularly, when children are consistently put down by their parents, it can shape how they behave later in life in some profound ways.
Sadly, we don’t get to choose our childhoods, but we can understand the impacts and work on ourselves to change the narrative.
In this piece, we’ll look at the common behaviors usually developed by those who were frequently criticized as children.
But remember, understanding is the first step towards transformation:
1) Self-criticism
Let’s delve into psychology for a moment: It’s no secret that our childhood experiences profoundly shape our adult lives.
When children are consistently criticized, it can lead to a damaging habit: self-criticism.
Self-criticism is the tendency to judge oneself harshly, focusing excessively on one’s flaws and shortcomings.
It’s like having a little voice in your head that’s always pointing out what you’re doing wrong.
Often, individuals who were frequently put down by their parents develop this trait.
They internalize the negative feedback they received as children and continue to echo it in their own minds as adults.
But here’s the hope: Awareness of this pattern is the first step towards breaking it.
By understanding where this self-critical voice comes from, we can start to question its validity, and work towards developing a more compassionate and understanding self-dialogue.
2) Fear of expressing emotions
Growing up in a household where emotions were seen as a sign of weakness, I learned early on to keep my feelings to myself.
My parents unintentionally taught me that expressing my feelings was something to be avoided, rather than embraced.
It’s not an uncommon story as many of us who were frequently put down by our parents develop a fear of expressing emotions later in life.
We carry the belief that our feelings are not valid or important, which can lead us to suppress them.
I remember feeling scared to share my fears or insecurities, worried that they would be met with criticism or dismissal.
This resulted in me bottling up my emotions, leading to anxiety and stress.
The silver lining? Once I recognized this behavior, I was able to work on it.
Through mindfulness and self-reflection, I’ve learned to express my emotions freely and healthily.
It’s a journey—one that requires patience and self-compassion—however, I promise you, it’s worth it.
When we learn to express our emotions openly and honestly, we pave the way for healthier relationships and improved self-esteem.
3) Perfectionism
Perfectionism often stems from a childhood of constant criticism.
When children are frequently put down, they may start believing that they need to be perfect to be accepted or loved.
Here’s an intriguing piece of information: People who experienced high levels of criticism from their parents during their childhood were significantly more likely to develop perfectionistic tendencies.
Perfectionism, while seemingly a positive trait, can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression when left unchecked.
It’s important to recognize and address this behavior, as striving for unattainable perfection can hinder our happiness and overall quality of life.
Understanding the root of this behavior can help us break free from the shackles of perfectionism and embrace our perfectly imperfect selves.
4) Difficulty forming relationships
Relationships can be a tricky business, especially for those who’ve grown up with constant criticism.
The fear of judgement and the reflex to self-protect can make it challenging to form deep, meaningful connections.
Those frequently put down by parents might struggle to trust others, fearing the same harsh judgement they faced in their childhood.
It’s a defense mechanism, really—if you don’t let people in, they can’t hurt you.
However, building and maintaining healthy relationships is a crucial part of our lives.
It’s through these connections that we grow, learn, and find support.
The good news is that with awareness and practice, this pattern can change.
By working on our self-esteem and learning to trust ourselves, we can slowly learn to trust others too. It’s not an overnight change, but every step forward counts.
5) Fear of failure
There’s this recurring nightmare I used to have: I’m standing on a stage, the spotlight glaring in my eyes, and I forget all my lines.
The audience’s laughter echoes in my ears, and I wake up in a cold sweat.
This fear of failure, this terror of messing up and being ridiculed, is something many of us who were frequently criticized as children can relate to.
We’re conditioned to believe that making mistakes is unacceptable, that it makes us less worthy.
Failure is not the end of the world.
In fact, it’s an integral part of growth and learning.
It took me a while, and a whole lot of self-reflection, but I’ve learned to embrace failure as a stepping stone towards success.
Our past may shape us, but it doesn’t define us.
Overcoming the fear of failure is just one part of our journey towards self-improvement and growth.
6) Low self-esteem
Low self-esteem is a common outcome for those who were frequently criticized by their parents during childhood.
The constant negative feedback can chip away at a child’s self-worth, leading to a low sense of self-value as an adult.
People with low self-esteem often doubt their abilities and worth, feeling undeserving of happiness or success.
They may also have a heightened sensitivity to criticism, even constructive feedback, interpreting it as a personal attack.
However, it’s crucial to remember that our worth isn’t defined by others’ opinions, but by our own perception of ourselves.
The good news is, self-esteem can be built and improved over time.
Through practices like mindfulness, affirmations, and self-compassion, we can slowly rebuild our self-esteem.
It’s a journey of self-discovery and self-love, and every step forward is a victory.
7) The power of resilience
Despite the challenges faced by those who were heavily criticized as children, the most important thing to remember is this: Resilience can be cultivated.
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity and come out stronger.
It’s about learning from our experiences, adapting to changes, and moving forward with optimism.
People who have faced a tough childhood can develop incredible resilience.
It’s like a muscle—the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets; it’s this resilience that can help us transform our lives.
While our past experiences may have shaped certain behaviors, we’re not stuck with them.
We have the power to change, adapt, and grow. And that’s what truly matters.
Final thoughts: Embracing transformation
Our past experiences, especially those from our formative years, play a significant role in shaping our behaviors and personality.
However, it’s important to remember that while our past influences us, it doesn’t define us.
The power to change lies within us—and that’s not just a motivational phrase.
For those who were frequently put down as children, this understanding is empowering.
It means that the negative behaviors we may have developed aren’t set in stone.
We can choose to change how we react to criticism, express our emotions, or perceive failure.
The journey of self-improvement isn’t easy, but it’s worthwhile.
Every step towards understanding ourselves better, every effort towards embracing self-compassion and resilience, is a step towards a more fulfilling life.
