People who were emotionally neglected as kids usually display these traits later in life (without realizing it)

Emotional neglect in childhood leaves invisible scars that can shape behaviors and relationships well into adulthood.

Often, people who experienced this form of neglect may not even realize how it has influenced their personality and coping mechanisms.

From difficulties in expressing emotions to struggles with self-worth, these traits can subtly emerge in everyday life.

In this article, we’ll uncover the common traits displayed by individuals who were emotionally neglected as children and how understanding them can lead to healing and growth:

1) Difficulty in forming relationships

One of the more noticeable traits of those who experienced emotional neglect as children is a difficulty in forming and maintaining relationships.

Emotionally neglected children often grow into adults who struggle with understanding their own emotions, let alone those of others.

This emotional disconnect can make it challenging to form deep, meaningful connections with people.

Consider this: If a child’s emotional needs were consistently dismissed or ignored, it’s likely that they weren’t given the tools to express or even understand their emotions.

As an adult, this can translate into struggles with empathy, making relationship-building a complex task.

Recognizing this is the first step towards healing and building healthier relationships.

Raising awareness about these traits is about understanding ourselves better so we can lead healthier, happier lives.

2) Overly independent

Growing up, my parents always fostered a sense of independence in me.

However, I later realized that it was more a case of emotional neglect than encouragement of self-reliance.

As a child who was emotionally neglected, I developed an overwhelming sense of independence.

I felt the need to do everything on my own and rarely sought help, even when necessary.

This trait followed me into adulthood: I prided myself on my self-sufficiency to the point where it became a hindrance.

I found it difficult to ask for help or lean on others when I needed it, and I had to learn that it’s not only okay but also healthy to seek support from others.

Overall, emotional neglect during childhood can lead to an unhealthy level of independence in adulthood.

3) Perfectionism

Perfectionism is another trait commonly seen in people who were emotionally neglected as kids.

Striving for perfection can sometimes be a coping mechanism to deal with the feelings of not being “good enough” that stem from emotional neglect.

Interestingly, research has found a strong correlation between childhood emotional neglect and perfectionism in adulthood; this relentless strive for perfection can lead to high levels of stress, anxiety, and even depression.

Understanding this link can help individuals combat the harmful effects of perfectionism and cultivate self-compassion.

It’s important to remember that we are all human, and making mistakes is a part of our growth process.

4) Difficulty identifying and expressing emotions

Children who have experienced emotional neglect often grow into adults who struggle to identify and express their emotions—this is known as ‘alexithymia.’

Alexithymia doesn’t mean that these individuals don’t feel emotions.

Rather, it means that they have difficulties understanding and expressing what they’re feeling.

This can lead to a range of problems, including difficulty in relationships and mental health issues.

It’s crucial for individuals with this trait to understand that it’s not their fault, and help is available.

Therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be beneficial in learning to identify and express emotions in a healthier way.

5) Fear of rejection

For the longest time, I avoided situations where there was even a remote possibility of rejection.

Whether it was asking for a promotion at work or inviting a friend for a movie, the fear of hearing ‘no’ seemed too daunting.

This fear of rejection often stems from experiences of emotional neglect in childhood.

When their emotional needs aren’t met as a child, they may internalize the belief that they’re not worthy—this can manifest as a deep-seated fear of rejection in adulthood.

It’s not an easy journey, but acknowledging this fear is an important step towards overcoming it.

With time, patience, and possibly professional help, it’s possible to learn healthier ways to cope with this fear and build more positive self-beliefs.

6) Overcompensating in relationships

Another common trait in adults who experienced emotional neglect as children is a tendency to overcompensate in relationships.

They might go to great lengths to please others, often at the expense of their own needs and well-being.

This behavior is typically a reaction to the fear of abandonment or rejection, rooted in their early experiences.

These individuals may believe that they need to constantly prove their worth to keep people in their lives.

While it’s important to contribute to relationships, it’s equally important to ensure their own needs are being met.

Healthy relationships are balanced, with give and take from both sides.

7) Low self-esteem

At the core of many individuals who experienced emotional neglect as kids is a deep-seated sense of low self-esteem.

They often carry a belief from their childhood that they are not worthy or deserving.

This belief can seep into every aspect of their life—their relationships, careers, and even their relationship with themselves.

It’s a painful burden to carry, but it’s also important to remember that it is not an unchangeable fact.

Building self-esteem takes time and conscious effort.

Yet with patience, self-compassion, and perhaps professional guidance, it’s entirely possible to rebuild their self-esteem and let go of the false belief that they don’t deserve happiness, love, or success.

Final thoughts: Healing is possible

The effects of emotional neglect during childhood can be pervasive and long-lasting.

However, it’s crucial to remember that these experiences don’t define you or your potential for happiness and fulfillment in life.

One of the most powerful aspects of human resilience is our capacity for healing.

This is backed by a concept in psychology known as “earned secure attachment.”

According to research conducted by Mary Main, a leading figure in the field of attachment theory, even individuals who had insecure attachments in childhood can develop secure attachments in adulthood through self-reflection and understanding of their past.

If you’ve been nodding along to these traits, remember that it’s not too late to seek help, heal, and rewrite your narrative.

You can learn to understand your emotions, form healthy relationships, and cultivate self-love.

The journey towards healing may not be easy, but it’s undoubtedly worth it!

Lucas Graham

Lucas Graham, based in Auckland, writes about the psychology behind everyday decisions and life choices. His perspective is grounded in the belief that understanding oneself is the key to better decision-making. Lucas’s articles are a mix of personal anecdotes and observations, offering readers relatable and down-to-earth advice.

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