Self-compassion is essential for emotional well-being, yet many people struggle to extend kindness to themselves.
Instead, they often adopt habits that reflect self-criticism and inner conflict, usually without even realizing it.
These subtle behaviors can undermine confidence and happiness, making it harder to lead a fulfilling life.
In this article, we’ll explore the key habits displayed by those who struggle with self-compassion, helping you identify and overcome these patterns for a healthier mindset:
1) Perfectionist tendencies
A common trait among those who are hard on themselves is perfectionism.
Perfectionism, in essence, is a relentless drive for flawlessness.
It’s a mindset that sets an impossibly high standard for oneself and views anything less as a failure.
Perfectionists often find it hard to accept their mistakes, as they perceive them as personal deficiencies.
This makes it difficult for them to extend kindness and understanding towards themselves when they stumble or fall short of their expectations.
While pursuing excellence isn’t inherently negative, the unrelenting pursuit of perfection can lead to self-criticism and a lack of self-compassion.
Recognizing this tendency can be the first step towards being kinder to oneself.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes—it’s part of being human.
The key is to embrace these experiences as opportunities for growth, rather than viewing them as personal failures.
2) Habitual self-criticism
Another subtle sign of a struggle with self-compassion is habitual self-criticism.
I’ll share a personal anecdote to put this into perspective: A few years ago, I was working on a project that was quite challenging.
I put in countless hours, gave it my all, but in the end, the project fell short of the intended goal.
Instead of acknowledging the effort I had put in or considering the external factors that might have affected the outcome, I fell into a cycle of endless self-criticism.
I blamed myself for the failure and kept replaying scenarios in my head where I could have done things differently.
This is a classic example of self-criticism; it’s when we consistently berate ourselves for our mistakes or shortcomings, without giving ourselves any credit for our efforts or achievements.
If you find yourself being overly critical and hard on yourself, it might be a sign that you’re struggling with self-compassion.
Understanding this pattern is crucial in learning to break it and move towards being more compassionate towards oneself.
3) Difficulty accepting compliments
Many people who struggle with self-compassion often have a hard time accepting compliments.
Compliments can be seen as affirmations of our worth, and when we have low self-compassion, we may feel undeserving of such affirmations.
A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that people with low self-esteem often reject compliments and downplay their achievements.
They feel uncomfortable when praised and may even suspect ulterior motives behind the kind words.
If you find it hard to graciously accept compliments, it might be an indication of a lack of self-compassion.
Recognizing this can be the first step towards cultivating a healthier self-image and a kinder internal dialogue.
4) Neglecting personal needs
Another subtle habit that people who struggle with self-compassion tend to display is neglecting their own personal needs.
Whether it’s skipping meals, not getting enough sleep, or sacrificing personal time for work or others, these self-neglectful behaviors are a sign of a lack of self-compassion.
When we constantly put others’ needs before our own, it might indicate that we are not valuing ourselves enough.
It’s essential for us to take care of our mental and physical health and prioritize our well-being.
Remember, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
Should you recognize this pattern in your behavior, it might be time to start practicing more self-compassion and taking better care of your needs.
5) Overwhelming feelings of guilt
Guilt is a complex emotion that can often be linked to a lack of self-compassion.
I remember a time when I’d agreed to help a friend on a project, even though I was already swamped with my own work.
When I inevitably couldn’t keep up with the commitment, instead of understanding my limitations and forgiving myself, I was consumed by guilt.
I felt terrible for letting my friend down and this guilt lingered for weeks, long after my friend had understood and moved on.
This disproportionate guilt was not helpful or healthy, but at that time, I didn’t realize it was a sign of my struggle with self-compassion.
Feeling guilty for not meeting our own or others’ expectations can indicate a lack of self-kindness.
If you can relate to this, it might be beneficial to learn to forgive yourself and show some compassion towards your own human failings.
6) Difficulty expressing emotions
People who struggle with self-compassion often have a tough time expressing their emotions.
They might feel that their feelings are invalid or not important enough to be acknowledged.
This can lead to a tendency to suppress feelings, especially negative ones, which can further exacerbate feelings of self-criticism and lack of self-love.
Expressing emotions is a vital part of human connection and mental health.
If you find it challenging to express what you’re feeling, it may be a subtle sign of your struggle with self-compassion.
Acknowledging this can help in working towards a healthier emotional expression and greater self-kindness.
7) Ignoring one’s own achievements
The most crucial sign of a struggle with self-compassion is the habit of consistently ignoring or downplaying one’s own achievements.
Those struggling with self-compassion often focus on their failures and overlook their successes.
They may feel that their accomplishments are not worth celebrating or acknowledging, leading to a skewed perception of their self-worth.
This habit can erode self-esteem and make it even harder to practice self-compassion.
Final thoughts: It’s a journey, not a destination
At the root of our understanding of self-compassion lies the wisdom of ancient philosophies and modern psychology.
If you’ve identified with any of these subtle habits, it’s not a cause for concern, but rather an opportunity for growth. It is an invitation to embark on a journey of self-discovery and self-kindness.
Remember, it’s about embracing our imperfections, celebrating our achievements, and most importantly, being patient with ourselves.
As you continue on this path of self-compassion, remember to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d extend to others.
After all, we are all works in progress, continuously evolving and learning!