Minh Tran
Some people give off the impression that they’re deep thinkers—full of insight, wisdom, and self-awareness. But if you look a little closer, you start to realize that it’s mostly just an act.
The truth is, depth isn’t about using big words or quoting philosophers. It’s about self-reflection, emotional intelligence, and a genuine curiosity about life. And ironically, those who only pretend to have depth often don’t even realize they’re doing it.
So how can you tell the difference? There are certain habits that shallow people tend to display—sometimes without even meaning to. Once you recognize them, it becomes much easier to separate true depth from just a well-crafted illusion.
1) They use complex language to sound intelligent
Some people think that using big words or overly complicated language makes them seem deep and intellectual. But more often than not, it’s just a way to cover up a lack of real understanding.
True depth isn’t about impressing others with fancy vocabulary—it’s about being able to communicate ideas clearly and meaningfully. The smartest people can explain complex concepts in simple terms because they actually understand them.
On the other hand, those who only pretend to have depth often rely on jargon, abstract phrases, or name-dropping famous thinkers to create an illusion of intelligence. But when you really listen to what they’re saying, it often lacks substance.
Real depth comes from clarity, not complexity.
2) They ask deep questions but don’t really listen
I once had a conversation with someone who loved asking big, philosophical questions—things like “What do you think the meaning of life is?” or “Do you believe in fate or free will?” At first, I was impressed. It seemed like they were genuinely interested in exploring deep ideas.
But as the conversation went on, I realized something: they weren’t actually listening to my answers. Instead, they would nod absentmindedly and quickly steer the discussion back to their own thoughts, barely acknowledging anything I had said.
That’s when it hit me—asking deep questions doesn’t make someone a deep person. What really matters is whether they’re open to different perspectives and willing to engage in a real exchange of ideas.
If someone only asks thought-provoking questions as a way to sound intelligent but never truly listens, it’s just an act.
Real depth isn’t about performing intelligence—it’s about curiosity, connection, and a genuine desire to understand others.
3) They constantly reference books and philosophy to impress
Quoting great thinkers and referencing classic literature can make someone seem knowledgeable, but it doesn’t always mean they truly understand what they’re talking about.
In fact, studies have shown that people who frequently use complex or obscure references are often perceived as more intelligent—even when their arguments lack real substance.
The problem is that some people rely on these references as a shortcut to appearing deep rather than forming their own original thoughts. Instead of engaging in real discussion, they throw in quotes from Nietzsche or mention a book they’ve skimmed just to sound impressive.
But true depth isn’t about how many philosophers you can name—it’s about how well you’ve actually reflected on those ideas and applied them to your life. Someone who genuinely understands a concept doesn’t just repeat it; they engage with it, question it, and make it their own.
4) They are overly dramatic about their emotions
There’s a big difference between being emotionally aware and turning every feeling into a performance. People who have real emotional depth process their emotions thoughtfully, while those who only pretend to be deep tend to exaggerate their feelings for effect.
They might describe everyday experiences in overly poetic terms, act as if minor setbacks are life-altering tragedies, or insist that no one could possibly understand the depth of their emotions.
While this can make them seem intense and introspective, it often comes off as performative rather than genuine.
True emotional depth isn’t about making a show of your feelings—it’s about understanding them, managing them, and using them to connect with others in a meaningful way.
5) They always try to sound profound, even about simple things
Not everything in life needs to be turned into a grand philosophical statement. But some people insist on making even the most ordinary moments sound like a deep revelation.
A simple sunset becomes “a reflection of the fleeting nature of existence,” and ordering coffee turns into “a ritual of self-discovery.”
At first, this kind of language might seem insightful, but after a while, it starts to feel forced—like they’re trying too hard to make everything seem more meaningful than it really is. Sometimes, a sunset is just a sunset.
Real depth doesn’t come from dressing up everyday moments with poetic words. It comes from the ability to appreciate life as it is—both the profound and the ordinary—without needing to constantly perform wisdom.
6) They always have to be the one teaching others
People with real depth understand that learning never stops. They ask questions, stay curious, and are open to changing their perspectives.
But those who pretend to be deep often position themselves as the teacher in every conversation, always offering unsolicited advice or acting as if they have life all figured out.
Instead of engaging in a two-way discussion, they steer conversations toward their own “insights” and rarely acknowledge that they could be wrong or have more to learn.
They may even dismiss other viewpoints, not because they’ve thoughtfully considered them, but because admitting uncertainty would break the illusion of wisdom.
True depth isn’t about always having the answers—it’s about being open to new ideas, embracing uncertainty, and recognizing that everyone has something valuable to teach.
7) They lack genuine self-awareness
The surest sign of real depth is self-awareness—the ability to reflect honestly on one’s own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. But people who only appear deep often lack this entirely.
They may talk about mindfulness, self-growth, or the importance of introspection, but they rarely apply these ideas to themselves in a meaningful way. Instead, they focus on how they seem to others rather than who they actually are.
Without true self-awareness, depth is just an illusion—an image carefully constructed, but ultimately empty.
Bottom line: real depth can’t be faked
Depth isn’t about how many books you’ve read, how poetic your words sound, or how often you discuss life’s biggest questions. It’s about authenticity—how well you understand yourself, how open you are to learning, and how genuinely you connect with others.
Psychologists often point to self-awareness as one of the clearest markers of emotional intelligence.
In fact, research suggests that people who believe they are highly self-aware often aren’t, only 10%-15% of the people are studied to fit the criteria—while those who regularly question their own assumptions tend to have a deeper understanding of themselves.
True depth comes from reflection, curiosity, and a willingness to grow. And the irony is, the people who try the hardest to appear deep are usually the ones looking in all the wrong places.
