People who pretend to have compassion but actually don’t usually display these 7 subtle behaviors

Compassion is a virtue that is often faked. Yes, you heard it right. Some people pretend to be compassionate, but there’s a catch – their actions don’t align with their words.

Spotting these pretenders isn’t always easy, as they’re rather skilled at hiding their true colors. But if you pay close attention, there are subtle behaviors that give them away.

In this piece, we’re diving into seven telltale signs of feigned compassion. But remember, the aim here isn’t to judge or label people but to understand them better and navigate our relationships more effectively.

So, are you ready to unravel the truth behind the mask of fake compassion? Let’s get started.

1) Overly expressive empathy

The first sign you might notice in someone who’s pretending to have compassion is an exaggerated display of empathy.

You see, genuine compassion doesn’t need a loudspeaker. It’s quiet, it’s subtle, and it’s sincere. But those who feign compassion often overdo it. They tend to be overly expressive of their empathy, going to great lengths to demonstrate just how much they care.

This can be in the form of grand gestures, dramatic reactions, or constant reminders about their selfless acts.

The key here is the disproportion. Their expressions of empathy seem too big, too frequent, or too intense compared to the situation at hand.

But remember – this doesn’t mean that every expressive person is faking compassion. It’s the lack of consistency between their words and actions that can hint at insincerity.

On its own, this sign may not be definitive proof of pretend compassion. But if it’s coupled with the other behaviors we’re going to discuss, you might be dealing with a pretender. So keep your eyes open and your intuition sharp.

2) Lack of practical assistance

Another trait I’ve noticed in individuals who pretend to be compassionate is their reluctance to offer practical help. They’re quick with words of sympathy and comfort, but when it comes to stepping up and lending a hand, they’re often nowhere to be found.

I recall this one time when I was moving apartments. A particular acquaintance of mine was quite vocal about how sorry she felt for the stress I was under. She painted a very empathetic picture, constantly checking on me, asking about my well-being and even offering emotional support.

However, when I asked if she could help me pack over the weekend, she suddenly had a myriad of reasons why she couldn’t show up. Despite her earlier claims of wanting to help ease my stress, when it came down to offering tangible assistance, she was absent.

This lack of practical help despite an abundance of verbal empathy can be a subtle sign of feigned compassion. Remember, actions speak louder than words. A truly compassionate person understands this and doesn’t hesitate to put their words into action.

3) Quick to move on

Here’s something intriguing – research suggests that individuals who lack genuine compassion often show a tendency to move on from topics of distress or discomfort faster than others.

They might listen to your problems, offer a few words of sympathy, and then change the subject or steer the conversation away from the issue. This behavior is often an attempt to maintain a comfortable emotional distance.

Their apparent lack of interest in lingering over uncomfortable topics indicates a reluctance to genuinely engage with another person’s pain or distress. This “quick-to-move-on” attitude is often a subtle sign of pretend compassion.

True compassion involves sticking around, even when things get uncomfortable. It means being present with another person’s pain and not rushing to change the subject. So if someone is too quick to move on from your struggles, you might want to question the depth of their compassion.

4) Selective compassion

Have you ever come across someone who seems to be compassionate only towards certain people or in specific situations? This selective display of compassion can be another indicator of insincerity.

It’s like they have a switch that they can turn on and off based on who they’re dealing with or what they stand to gain from appearing compassionate.

For instance, they might show immense concern for a colleague who is going through a tough time but remains indifferent to the struggles of a less popular coworker. Or they may be all ears when you talk about your issues in public but show no interest when you confide in them privately.

Compassion is not a selective trait. Genuine compassion extends to everyone, irrespective of their status or situation. If someone’s compassion seems to come with conditions, it might not be as genuine as it appears.

5) Dismissive of your feelings

One of the subtler signs of people who pretend to have compassion is their tendency to dismiss or downplay your feelings.

I remember, a few years back, I was going through a rough patch. I opened up about my struggles to a friend who had always marketed herself as a compassionate person. Instead of the comfort and understanding I expected, I received comments like, “It’s not that bad,” or “You’re overreacting.”

This dismissal of my emotions was not only hurtful, but it also made me question the authenticity of her compassion. A truly compassionate person values your feelings and takes them seriously, no matter what. They make an effort to understand your perspective instead of belittling your emotions.

So if someone is quick to dismiss or minimize what you’re feeling, it might be a sign that their compassion is more of a facade than a real trait.

6) Rarely initiates support

Another behavior that could hint at pretend compassion is the lack of initiative to offer support. These individuals often wait for others to ask for help, instead of proactively extending a helping hand.

They’ll listen to your problems, nod sympathetically, and might even say the right comforting words. But when it comes to taking action or offering help, they usually wait until they’re specifically asked to do so.

This passive approach toward providing support can indicate a lack of genuine concern. True compassion doesn’t wait to be asked. It steps in voluntarily, recognizes when help is needed, and offers it without hesitation.

If someone’s support always seems to require an invitation, you might be dealing with a person who’s merely pretending to be compassionate.

7) Uses compassion for personal gain

The most glaring sign of pretend compassion is when someone uses it as a tool for personal gain. This behavior involves offering sympathy or support with the hidden agenda of achieving personal benefits, rather than genuinely caring about the other person’s well-being.

It could be to create a certain image, to gain favors, or even to manipulate others. The underlying motive is always self-centered, and the so-called compassion is just a means to an end.

Genuine compassion, on the other hand, is selfless. It’s about caring for others without expecting anything in return. So if you notice someone using their ‘compassion’ for personal advantage, it’s likely that their compassion is not genuine at all.

Reflecting on compassion

Comprehending human emotions and behaviors can often be a complex endeavor. After all, we’re intricate beings with a multitude of layers and intricacies.

In the context of compassion, it’s essential to understand that this virtue isn’t something that can be effectively faked in the long run. Genuine compassion is deeply rooted in empathy and understanding, traits that cannot be mimicked indefinitely without exhibiting subtle signs of insincerity.

The behaviors we’ve highlighted are merely indicators, not definitive proof. They should serve as cues to observe more closely, to question, and to reflect.

Perhaps, above all, these insights remind us of the importance of being genuine in our compassion. After all, authenticity is the cornerstone of any meaningful human connection.

Remember, everyone we meet is fighting a battle we know nothing about. Let’s strive to make our compassion genuine, our support sincere, and our interactions meaningful. For in the grand tapestry of life, kindness and compassion weave the most beautiful threads.

Lucas Graham

Lucas Graham, based in Auckland, writes about the psychology behind everyday decisions and life choices. His perspective is grounded in the belief that understanding oneself is the key to better decision-making. Lucas’s articles are a mix of personal anecdotes and observations, offering readers relatable and down-to-earth advice.

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