Divorce is never easy, and for those who have been through it multiple times, certain patterns often emerge—many of which go unnoticed.
These habits can subtly influence their relationships, shaping dynamics in ways that might make lasting connections more difficult.
Whether rooted in unresolved issues, communication styles, or personal blind spots, these behaviors can play a key role in repeated relationship struggles.
In this article, we’ll explore the habits commonly displayed by people who’ve experienced multiple divorces—often without realizing their impact:
1) Avoiding conflict
It’s fascinating to observe the coping mechanisms people develop in response to emotional trauma.
Among individuals who have gone through multiple divorces, a common tendency is to avoid conflict at all costs.
This might seem like a healthy strategy on the surface—after all, who wants to engage in constant arguments?
However, this pattern often goes deeper and manifests in a way where they shy away from even the most necessary confrontations—ones that could actually lead to resolution and progress.
It’s a subconscious habit born out of the fear of triggering another painful separation.
However, it can also lead to serious communication issues, preventing them from addressing problems head-on.
They might not realize it, but this avoidance can contribute to the very relationship downfall they’re trying so hard to prevent.
2) Overcompensating
I’ve personally witnessed this habit in a friend of mine who has been divorced twice.
She tends to overcompensate in her relationships.
After her second divorce, she started doing everything in her power to ensure her partner was happy.
She would put their needs above hers consistently; from always choosing their preferred restaurant for dinner to cancelling plans with friends if they wanted to spend time, she was ready to go the extra mile.
On the surface, it seemed like she was just being considerate, but this was an extreme.
It was as if she believed that by fulfilling every single desire of her partner, she could protect the relationship from ending like her previous ones.
She didn’t realize that in the process, she was losing herself and creating an imbalance that could potentially lead to more problems.
Relationships thrive on mutual respect and understanding, not on one person consistently sacrificing their needs for the other’s happiness.
3) Rushing into new relationships
Those who have been divorced multiple times often display a habit of rushing into new relationships.
It’s like they’re trying to fill a void left by the previous relationship.
They jump into new relationships quickly, without taking the time to heal and understand what went wrong in their past relationships.
A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that people who date or get into a relationship within a year of their divorce are more likely to have lower levels of relationship quality and stability compared to those who wait longer before starting a new relationship.
This habit, while providing temporary comfort, can lead to more heartbreak and continued patterns of unsuccessful relationships.
4) Ignoring red flags
Another habit that’s common among individuals who have faced multiple divorces is ignoring or overlooking red flags in their relationships.
Perhaps, in their desire for companionship or fear of being alone, they may choose to ignore early warning signs.
These can range from lack of communication and respect to more serious issues like control and jealousy.
Ignoring these red flags can lead to persistent issues that can erode the foundation of a relationship over time.
It’s important to address these concerns early on, rather than brushing them under the carpet, to foster healthier, more sustainable relationships.
5) Fear of being alone
There’s a certain security in companionship, a comfort that’s hard to let go of even when things aren’t going well.
I’ve been there myself, holding onto a relationship that wasn’t working because the thought of being alone was far too daunting.
This fear can lead someone who has been divorced multiple times to cling to relationships, even toxic ones.
They might rather bear the discomfort of a bad relationship than face the seemingly unbearable loneliness.
Unfortunately, this fear can cloud their judgment and prevent them from seeking the happiness and peace they truly deserve.
6) Lack of self-care
One habit that’s often overlooked is the lack of self-care among individuals who have gone through multiple divorces.
They can become so consumed with the intricacies and challenges of their relationships that they neglect their own well-being.
This can manifest in various forms, from neglecting physical health and fitness to disregarding their mental and emotional well-being.
It’s crucial to understand that self-care isn’t selfish.
In fact, it’s only when we take care of ourselves that we can truly be present and give our best to our relationships.
Remember, a healthy relationship starts with a healthy self.
7) Not learning from past mistakes
The most significant habit that people with multiple divorces tend to exhibit is not learning from their past mistakes.
They end up in a cycle of repeating the same behaviors and patterns that contributed to their previous relationship breakdowns.
It’s essential to reflect, learn, and grow from past experiences.
Only then can one break the cycle and foster healthier relationships in the future.
Final thoughts: It’s a journey of self-discovery
Navigating the terrain of multiple divorces can be a challenging journey—often fraught with emotional turmoil and self-doubt—but it’s also an opportunity for self-reflection and growth.
The habits displayed by individuals who have been through multiple divorces are not signs of failure, but indicators of areas that need attention and healing.
Each relationship, each divorce, carries lessons that can help us understand ourselves better.
And it’s in this understanding that we can work towards breaking patterns that no longer serve us.
As renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel once said, “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.”
Let’s strive to learn from our past, embrace the present, and nurture healthier relationships for the future.
It’s all part of the journey of self-discovery and growth because, at the end of the day, we are all works in progress—constantly learning and evolving.