Eliza Hartley
My mother always had an insightful saying for every life situation. One of her favorites was, “A parent’s joy should double with a child’s success.”
And it’s true, isn’t it? As parents, we relish our children’s victories, whether they’re scoring the winning goal or acing a test.
However, have you ever felt a twinge of jealousy or discomfort when your child outshines you?
Don’t worry. It happens to the best of us.
Here’s the kicker.
This unease might be more common than you think and it could be because of certain traits that are hardwired within you.
Hold on. Before you start a self-blame game, remember that recognizing these traits is the first step towards overcoming them.
If you’re asking yourself, “Why do I feel this way?” then stay tuned as we unfold these seven traits common among parents who inadvertently find themselves envious of their own child’s success.
In life, it’s often the unexplored corners of our minds that hold us back.
By shedding light on them, we can strive for healthier relationships and personal growth.
After all, self-improvement is a journey and not a destination.
1) Unresolved personal ambition
Have you ever found yourself saying, “I could have been a great musician if I had the chance,” while watching your child perform at a concert?
Here’s what’s happening.
Sometimes, your unresolved ambitions may resurface when your child excels in areas you once dreamed of.
This can trigger feelings of jealousy as you unwittingly start to compete with your child, instead of celebrating their achievements.
But here’s the good news.
By recognizing this feeling, you can channel it positively. Use it as a catalyst to reignite your passions and pursue your own dreams.
Self-improvement isn’t just about breaking bad habits. It’s also about rediscovering and embracing our dormant aspirations.
After all, growth and fulfillment are journeys we should all embark on, no matter our age.
2) Fear of becoming obsolete
This one hits close to home for me.
A couple of years ago, my daughter built her own website for a school project.
I watched in awe as she navigated through complex codes and software that I barely understood.
Instead of being proud, I felt a pang of jealousy. I was afraid of becoming obsolete in this digital age where my child was clearly more adept.
It’s a peculiar feeling, isn’t it?
It’s natural to fear being left behind in a rapidly changing world.
But instead of feeling threatened by our children’s prowess, we should take it as an opportunity to learn from them.
Confronting this fear allowed me to ask my daughter to teach me some basic coding.
And guess what? It sparked a new interest in me and brought us closer.
If you’re feeling the same fear, take a deep breath. Use this as an opportunity for personal growth and bonding.
After all, there’s no age limit to learning new skills.
3) Reluctance to embrace change
Confession time.
When my son announced his decision to move across the country for a job opportunity, I wasn’t thrilled. I was jealous.
Jealous of the exciting new chapter he was about to embark on, while I felt stuck in my monotonous routine.
It’s a tough pill to swallow, isn’t it?
The truth is, as our children grow and succeed, they usher in changes that we may not be ready for.
But let’s flip the script.
Instead of resisting change, we can choose to celebrate it. We can take it as a nudge to step out of our comfort zone and shake up our own lives.
The next time you feel a twinge of envy as your child embraces a new change, take it as a sign. Maybe it’s time for you to try something new too.
Life is about evolving and adapting, and there’s no better time than now to start.
4) Difficulty in letting go of control
Hands up if you’ve ever felt a pang of jealousy when your child made a decision without your input?
I know I have.
As parents, we’re used to guiding our children’s lives.
When they start making their own decisions, especially successful ones, it can feel like we’re losing control.
But here’s the thing.
Our role as parents evolves as our children grow. We transition from decision-makers to advisers.
Feeling jealous isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you care and are invested in your child’s life.
But remember, being supportive doesn’t mean you have to micromanage.
Let’s learn to trust their choices and revel in their independence. After all, isn’t that what we’ve been preparing them for all along?
5) Comparing personal timelines
Did you know that a majority of us subconsciously compare our life timelines to those of our children?
It’s true.
We might feel a sting of jealousy when our children reach certain milestones before we did.
And it’s not just about the big things like buying a house or landing a dream job.
It could be as simple as learning a new skill or traveling to an exotic location.
We’re human, after all.
But here’s a thought. Every individual’s journey is unique. There’s no fixed timeline for success.
The next time you find yourself comparing your timeline with your child’s, remember this – life isn’t a race.
It’s okay to have different milestones and achievements at different times.
The important thing is to keep moving forward and celebrate each other’s successes along the way.
6) Struggling with self-esteem
I’ll let you in on a little secret.
There have been times when my son’s accomplishments have made me question my own worth. Yes, it’s not something we often admit, but it happens.
Our children’s success can sometimes magnify our insecurities and lower our self-esteem. We start questioning our abilities and achievements. And it hurts.
But remember, you’re not alone.
It’s crucial to recognize that your worth is not determined by someone else’s success, not even your child’s.
Celebrate their achievements, but don’t let it cast a shadow over your own.
Remember to be gentle with yourself. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, their own victories and failures.
You are more than enough just as you are. And guess what? Your child thinks so too.
7) Overlooking self-accomplishment
Here’s a key takeaway.
When your child excels, it’s easy to overlook the fact that you, as a parent, played a significant part in their success.
You might forget to acknowledge your own accomplishment in raising a successful individual.
This lack of self-recognition can lead to feelings of jealousy.
You start seeing your child’s success as separate from yours, instead of a shared victory.
It’s time to give yourself a pat on the back. You’ve raised a child who’s capable, successful, and independent. That’s no small feat.
Remember, their success is also your success.
Take a moment to celebrate your own accomplishment in this shared journey.
Embrace the journey
If you’ve recognized yourself in these traits, take heart. You’re not alone.
The fact that you’re reading this shows your willingness to change, and that’s the first step towards transformation.
Feeling envious of your child’s success doesn’t make you a bad parent.
It makes you human. And it’s okay to admit it.
The key is self-awareness. Start by acknowledging these feelings and traits. Understand their roots in your own life’s journey.
Then, use this understanding as a catalyst for change.
Turn jealousy into inspiration. Let your child’s success motivate you to pursue your own goals, to embrace change, to learn new skills.
Remember, your child’s achievements are a testament to your parenting.
You’ve nurtured their growth, fostered their talents, and guided them through life’s challenges.
When they succeed, know that it’s also a reflection of your success.
Life is a journey of growth and evolution, for our children and for us.
Let’s embrace it with open hearts and minds, celebrating every victory along the way – theirs and ours.
After all, the best gift we can give our children is not just to applaud their success but to demonstrate how we can be inspired by it too.
