Minh Tran
If someone clutches their head and groans, you assume they have a headache. If someone walks with a limp, you figure they’re in pain.
It’s human nature to trust what we see. But sometimes, things aren’t that simple.
Some people exaggerate illness or discomfort—not necessarily to deceive, but often for attention, care, or sympathy. And most of the time, they don’t even realize they’re doing it.
Psychology tells us that certain personality traits make someone more likely to behave this way. These traits aren’t always negative, but they do reveal something deeper about how a person seeks connection and validation.
Let’s take a closer look at what’s really going on beneath the surface.
1) They crave validation and reassurance
We all want to feel seen, heard, and cared for. It’s a basic human need.
But for some people, this need for validation runs much deeper. They seek constant reassurance—whether it’s about their worth, their struggles, or how much others care about them.
Exaggerating illness or pain can be a subconscious way to fulfill this need. When they receive sympathy, attention, and concern, it reinforces their sense of being valued.
This isn’t always intentional manipulation. In many cases, they don’t even realize they’re doing it—it just becomes a natural way for them to connect with others and feel important.
At its core, this behavior often stems from self-doubt or emotional insecurity. The more they struggle to validate themselves internally, the more they look outward for that validation from others.
2) They associate care with suffering
I used to have a friend who always seemed to be dealing with some kind of health issue.
One day it was migraines, the next it was stomach pains, then back problems. At first, I was genuinely concerned and always checked in on her.
But over time, I started noticing a pattern. Whenever she talked about how unwell she felt, people would rush to comfort her, offer help, and give her their full attention. If the conversation ever drifted away from her struggles, she’d quickly bring up a new symptom.
It wasn’t that she was lying—she probably did feel discomfort at times—but the way she leaned into it made me realize something: for her, being cared for and being in pain were deeply connected.
Some people grow up in environments where love and attention only come when they’re struggling. Maybe they had caregivers who only showed concern when they were sick or hurt. Over time, this connection between suffering and receiving care becomes ingrained, even if they don’t realize it.
So when they feel emotionally neglected or unsure of their place in someone’s life, they might exaggerate their pain—because in their mind, that’s when people truly show they care.
3) They are more prone to psychosomatic symptoms
The mind and body are deeply connected, more than most people realize.
When someone experiences stress, anxiety, or emotional distress, their body can actually manifest physical symptoms—real pain, discomfort, and even illness. This is known as psychosomatic illness, where emotional struggles translate into bodily sensations.
For example, chronic stress can lead to headaches, digestive issues, or muscle tension. And the more a person focuses on these sensations, the worse they can feel.
People who exaggerate illness for sympathy often experience genuine discomfort—but it’s amplified by their emotional state. Their brain interprets their distress as physical pain, reinforcing their belief that something is seriously wrong.
This cycle can become self-perpetuating: the more attention they receive for their symptoms, the more their mind fixates on them, making the sensations feel even stronger.
Over time, their body and emotions become so intertwined that they struggle to tell the difference between real illness and emotional distress.
4) They have a deep fear of being ignored
For some people, being overlooked or forgotten feels unbearable.
They crave acknowledgment and reassurance that they matter. When they don’t get it naturally, they may—without realizing it—turn to exaggerating their struggles to make sure people notice them.
This fear of being ignored can stem from past experiences. Maybe they grew up in a household where they had to compete for attention. Maybe they once felt invisible in friendships or relationships.
Over time, they learned that expressing distress—especially through illness or pain—was a reliable way to get people to focus on them.
The problem is, this kind of attention-seeking becomes a habit. Instead of addressing the deeper fear driving their behavior, they rely on external validation to feel secure. And the more they do it, the harder it becomes to break the cycle.
At its core, this isn’t about deception—it’s about an emotional need that hasn’t been met in healthier ways.
5) They struggle to express their emotional needs directly
I’ve noticed that people who exaggerate illness or pain often have a hard time saying what they really need. Instead of telling someone, “I feel neglected,” or “I need more support,” they express their distress in a way that guarantees sympathy—through physical complaints.
It makes sense when you think about it. Expressing emotional needs can feel vulnerable, even risky.
What if the other person dismisses them? What if they don’t care?
But when someone says they’re in pain or feeling unwell, people are much more likely to respond with care and concern.
I’ve seen this happen in relationships, too. Instead of saying, “I feel like you don’t pay attention to me anymore,” someone might frequently mention feeling tired, sick, or overwhelmed—because deep down, what they really want is for their partner to notice them and offer comfort.
Unfortunately, this indirect way of asking for support often backfires. It might work in the short term, but over time, people start to recognize the pattern—and instead of feeling sympathetic, they may feel frustrated or emotionally drained.
6) They often see themselves as strong and independent
It might seem like people who exaggerate illness or pain for sympathy are overly dependent on others, but surprisingly, many of them actually see themselves as strong, self-reliant individuals.
They may believe they handle things on their own most of the time and only ask for support when they’re truly struggling. In their mind, if they’re reaching out for sympathy, it must mean their situation is really bad.
This mindset can make them unaware of how often they lean on others for emotional reassurance. Since they don’t think of themselves as needy, they don’t recognize that exaggerating their struggles has become a quiet way of seeking connection.
Ironically, the more they insist they’re independent, the more they might rely on these behaviors to receive the care and attention they won’t openly ask for.
7) They may not trust that people care about them unconditionally
Deep down, many people who exaggerate illness or pain fear that if they don’t give others a reason to care, they’ll be forgotten or ignored. They may not fully trust that love, attention, or kindness will come naturally—they believe it has to be earned through visible struggle.
This belief often forms early in life. Maybe they only received affection when they were unwell as a child, or maybe they had relationships where their needs were dismissed unless they made them impossible to ignore. Over time, they learned that the surest way to receive care was to prove they were suffering.
The sad part is that this can become a self-fulfilling cycle. Because they rely on struggle to get attention, they don’t get to experience the kind of unconditional care and support they truly need—the kind that’s given freely, without them having to ask for it.
8) They usually don’t realize they’re doing it
Most people who exaggerate illness or pain for sympathy aren’t consciously trying to manipulate anyone. In their minds, their discomfort feels real, their struggles feel valid, and their need for care feels justified.
They’re not faking for the sake of attention—they’re expressing distress in the only way they know will get a response. Over time, this behavior becomes so automatic that they don’t even question it.
Without self-awareness, they may never see the pattern. To them, the reactions they receive—sympathy, concern, reassurance—just confirm what they already believe: that they need to be struggling in order to be cared for.
Why this matters more than you think
If you’ve read this far, you probably understand that people who exaggerate illness or pain for sympathy aren’t just “attention seekers.”
There’s something deeper going on—something they may not even realize themselves.
Human connection is complicated. We all have different ways of expressing our needs, and some people have learned—consciously or not—that struggle is the most reliable way to receive care.
But the truth is, no one should have to earn love or attention by being in distress. Real, meaningful support comes from trust, understanding, and emotional honesty—not just from suffering.
Recognizing this pattern, whether in yourself or others, is the first step toward breaking it. Because at the end of the day, we all want to feel valued—not just when we’re struggling, but simply for who we are.
