Eliza Hartley
I’ve always admired people who seem completely comfortable in their own skin—those who walk into a room and don’t second-guess themselves.
But for many of us, that kind of confidence doesn’t come naturally.
When we’re too self-conscious, we tend to hold ourselves back without even realizing it. We worry about how we look, what others think, or whether we’re saying the right thing.
And over time, these small habits can make us feel even more disconnected from our true selves.
But awareness is the first step to change. Once you recognize these habits, you can start letting go of self-doubt and step into a more authentic version of yourself.
1) They overthink everything
If you’re constantly replaying conversations in your head, analyzing every word you said, or stressing over how you came across, you’re not alone.
Overthinking is one of the biggest signs of self-consciousness.
Instead of being present in the moment, your mind is busy second-guessing everything—your appearance, your tone, even your body language.
And the more you do it, the harder it becomes to just relax and be yourself.
The truth is, most people aren’t paying nearly as much attention to you as you think. Everyone is wrapped up in their own thoughts and worries.
Letting go of the need for perfection can be the first step to feeling more at ease in social situations.
2) They laugh even when they don’t find something funny
I used to do this all the time without realizing it. If I was in a group conversation and someone made a joke—even one that I didn’t find funny—I’d automatically laugh along with everyone else.
It wasn’t because I actually enjoyed it, but because I didn’t want to stand out or make things awkward.
Looking back, I can see that this habit came from a place of self-consciousness. I was so focused on fitting in and being liked that I didn’t allow myself to react naturally.
The problem is, when you constantly adjust your reactions to match those around you, you start losing touch with your own genuine feelings.
Learning to respond authentically—whether that means laughing when you actually find something funny or just offering a smile—can help you feel more comfortable in your own skin.
3) They avoid eye contact
Eye contact is one of the most powerful forms of nonverbal communication.
In fact, studies have shown that maintaining eye contact can make you appear more confident, trustworthy, and even more intelligent.
But when someone is overly self-conscious, they often struggle to hold eye contact for more than a second or two.
They might glance away quickly, look down at their phone, or focus on something just past the person they’re speaking to.
The fear of being judged makes eye contact feel too intense, almost like it’s exposing something they’d rather hide.
But avoiding it can actually make social interactions feel even more awkward.
Training yourself to hold eye contact—even for just a little longer than feels natural—can help you appear more at ease and engaged in conversations.
4) They constantly adjust their appearance
Fidgeting with your clothes, fixing your hair, or checking your reflection in every passing window—these small habits might seem harmless, but they often stem from deep self-consciousness.
When someone is worried about how they’re being perceived, they tend to focus on their appearance as a way to maintain control.
The problem is, constantly adjusting yourself can actually draw more attention and make you seem less confident.
True confidence comes from feeling comfortable as you are, without the need for constant self-checking.
Letting go of the urge to fix every little detail allows you to be more present and engaged in the moment.
5) They apologize too much
There’s nothing wrong with saying sorry when it’s truly needed.
But for people who are too self-conscious, apologizing becomes a reflex—even when they haven’t done anything wrong.
They say sorry for taking up space, for speaking their mind, for things that don’t require an apology at all.
Deep down, it often comes from a fear of being a burden or making others uncomfortable.
But here’s the truth: You don’t need to apologize for simply existing. Your thoughts, feelings, and presence are just as valid as anyone else’s.
Instead of defaulting to an apology, try pausing and asking yourself if you actually did something wrong—or if you’re just doubting your own right to take up space.
6) They rehearse what they’re going to say before speaking
Before speaking up in a group or even in a one-on-one conversation, they run through what they’re about to say in their head—sometimes multiple times.
They carefully choose their words, predict possible responses, and adjust accordingly, all before they’ve even opened their mouth.
The goal is to avoid saying something wrong or embarrassing, but the result is that conversations feel more like performances than natural interactions.
And sometimes, by the time they’ve worked up the courage to say what’s on their mind, the moment has already passed.
The irony is that the more we try to control how we come across, the less present and authentic we become.
Letting go of the need to script every word can be uncomfortable at first, but it’s the only way to truly connect with others in a real, meaningful way.
7) They stay quiet even when they have something to say
They have opinions, ideas, and thoughts worth sharing—but instead of speaking up, they hold back.
Maybe they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing, or maybe they don’t want to risk drawing attention to themselves.
So they nod along, agree with others, and keep their real thoughts inside. Over time, this can make them feel invisible, like their voice doesn’t matter as much as everyone else’s.
But the truth is, people value authenticity more than perfection.
Speaking up—even if it feels uncomfortable at first—helps build confidence and reminds them that their perspective is just as important as anyone else’s.
8) They try to be who they think others want them to be
Rather than showing up as themselves, they adjust their personality depending on who they’re with.
They downplay their quirks, hide their true opinions, and mold themselves to fit in—thinking that this will make them more likable.
But in the process, they lose touch with who they really are. Conversations feel exhausting because they’re constantly filtering themselves, measuring every word and reaction.
Real confidence doesn’t come from being what others expect—it comes from embracing who you are, without apology. The people who matter will accept you as you are.
Bottom line: Self-consciousness isn’t permanent
The human brain is wired for social connection, but for those who are overly self-conscious, that connection can feel like a constant test—one where every word, movement, and expression is being scrutinized.
However, neuroscience suggests that our brains are far more adaptable than we often realize.
The concept of neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to rewire itself—means that deeply ingrained habits of self-doubt and overthinking aren’t set in stone.
With awareness and practice, they can be reshaped.
Confidence isn’t about never feeling self-conscious. It’s about learning to quiet the inner voice that tells you to shrink, to apologize, to blend in.
The more you allow yourself to exist without constant self-monitoring, the more natural it becomes.
And eventually, being yourself in public will feel less like a challenge—and more like freedom.
