It’s often thought that confidence in men is inherent, a trait you’re either born with or not. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
In my journey, I’ve come to realize that our self-confidence (or lack thereof) is largely shaped by our experiences, particularly those we have as children.
Delving into the world of psychology, I’ve discovered there are seven common experiences that typically shape a man’s confidence.
In this article, I’ll share these discoveries, offering insights into why some men may lack self-assurance today.
1) Conditional love
It’s a common misconception that love should be earned, a reward for good behavior or success. As children, men who now lack confidence were often immersed in environments where love was conditional.
Growing up in such a setting, they learned to associate their worth with their achievements. Their self-esteem became directly tied to external validation, creating a precarious foundation for self-confidence.
When love and acceptance are used as bargaining chips, it can lead to a lifelong pursuit of perfection and an inherent fear of failure. Men raised this way may struggle to develop true self-confidence because their self-worth is always at the mercy of external circumstances.
This is why it’s essential to understand that our worth is inherent— it’s not something we earn or lose based on our actions or achievements. We must break free from the damaging belief that love is conditional, and realize that we are worthy of love and acceptance just as we are.
Embrace your inherent worth – recognize the fallacy of conditional love.
2) Lack of emotional expression
Growing up, many men are taught to suppress their emotions. “Boys don’t cry,” is a phrase all too familiar. This belief often leads to men associating emotional vulnerability with weakness, negatively affecting their confidence.
When you’re unable to express or even acknowledge your emotions, it’s like building a house on shaky ground. You’re missing a fundamental part of your human experience.
In my own life, embracing emotional vulnerability has been a journey in itself. Being authentic and open about my feelings has allowed me to develop a deeper connection with myself and others around me.
The renowned author and speaker, Brené Brown, once said, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”
Let’s embrace vulnerability. It’s not a sign of weakness but a testament to our strength and courage. Express your emotions freely. Start now.
3) Absence of self-discovery
One of the most significant childhood experiences that can hamper a man’s confidence is the absence of opportunities for self-discovery. Without the space to explore their true nature and passions, men can grow up feeling disconnected from their authentic selves.
This is where the “Free Your Mind” masterclass with Rudá Iandê comes in. It’s a transformative journey I was deeply involved in creating. This masterclass provides tools to break free from societal conditioning, fostering a sense of authenticity and freedom in your life.
Through this masterclass, participants learn to challenge their self-imposed limitations and align their actions with personal values. These insights lead to improved mental clarity and emotional resilience, vital components of true self-confidence.
So, if you’re interested in redefining your understanding of yourself and boosting your confidence, I highly recommend this masterclass. Start your journey towards self-discovery.
4) Negative self-talk
In a world that often demands perfection, it’s easy to fall into the trap of negative self-talk. For men who lack confidence, this internal dialogue can be a constant companion from childhood, fueled by societal expectations and personal experiences.
This internal narrative can undermine self-esteem, create feelings of inadequacy, and hinder personal growth. It’s a destructive habit that reinforces self-doubt and prevents us from recognizing our inherent worth.
It’s crucial to recognize and challenge these damaging thought patterns. The first step towards changing this narrative is awareness. Once we’re aware of our negative self-talk, we can actively work to replace it with more positive and empowering beliefs.
After the exploration of self-discovery in the previous point, take a moment to reflect: What does your internal dialogue look like? Are you your own worst critic?
5) Fear of failure
Fear of failure is a common experience that can severely impact a man’s confidence. As children, we’re often taught to avoid failure at all costs, resulting in a fear that inhibits our ability to take risks and explore our potential.
However, failure is not a sign of inadequacy. It’s an integral part of the learning process, providing valuable lessons and opportunities for growth. Embracing failure can be incredibly empowering. It frees us from the constraints of perfectionism and opens up a world of creative possibilities.
To build self-confidence, we must reframe our perception of failure. Instead of seeing it as something to be avoided, let’s view it as an invitation to grow and evolve.
Remember, every setback carries the seeds of creative possibility.
6) Lack of supportive community
Many men who lack confidence had a childhood experience of feeling isolated or unsupported. The absence of a supportive community can leave deep emotional scars, leading to feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt.
Building a supportive community as adults is not only about finding people who accept us as we are, but also about connecting with those who challenge us to become better versions of ourselves. Supportive communities breed resilience, encourage growth, and reinforce our self-worth.
The importance of supportive communities cannot be overstated. They provide the foundation from which we can confidently explore our passions, face our fears, and navigate the challenges that life throws at us.
In the grand scheme of things, remember that you’re not alone. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and believe in your potential.
7) Disconnection from personal values
Growing up, men who lack self-confidence were often disconnected from their personal values. They were raised to prioritize societal expectations over their own needs and desires, resulting in a loss of authenticity and a shaky sense of self.
Aligning our actions with our personal values is a powerful way to boost self-confidence. It reaffirms our sense of identity and provides a guiding principle for decision-making.
By reconnecting with our personal values, we can live more authentically, make decisions that truly resonate with us, and cultivate a deep sense of self-confidence. When our actions are in harmony with our values, we no longer seek external validation as we are secure in our own worthiness.
Remember, you have the power to define your own success. Reconnect with your personal values and let them guide your actions.
Embracing the journey towards confidence
In this article, we’ve journeyed through the childhood experiences that typically shape a man’s confidence.
Overcoming these experiences involves a deep exploration of self, a process of unlearning societal conditioning, and embracing vulnerability. It’s about reconnecting with our personal values, building supportive communities, and challenging our negative self-talk.
For those ready to delve deeper into these principles, I highly recommend the “Free Your Mind” masterclass with Rudá Iandê. This masterclass, which I helped produce, is designed to help you transcend limiting beliefs and societal conditioning.
Rudá Iandê provides tools for aligning your thoughts and actions with personal values, fostering mental clarity and emotional resilience. By participating in this masterclass, you’ll gain insights that will help you redefine your understanding of yourself and boost your confidence.
Joining this masterclass will provide you with the tools to create a fulfilling and authentic life, fostering a deeper sense of confidence that stems from understanding and accepting your true self. Start your journey towards self-confidence now.
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