Men who are insecure about their worth in life usually display these 7 behaviors, says psychology

For a long time, I was that guy. You know, the one who was always second-guessing himself.

• Overthinking every decision
• Constantly feeling inadequate
• Struggling with a deep sense of unworthiness.

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit and a psychology enthusiast. For years, I grappled with these feelings, not realizing how much they were linked to my insecurities about my worth in life.

I’d be lying if I said it didn’t affect my relationships, my work, and even my mental health. It was a constant battle with self-doubt and it took me a while to understand what was happening.

But then, I stumbled upon this fascinating field of psychology which shed light on certain behaviors that are often displayed by men who are insecure about their worth in life. And guess what? I was exhibiting these 7 behaviors.

In this article, I am going to share these insights with you. They helped me understand myself better and I hope they will do the same for you. Let’s dive right in.

1) Constant need for validation

We often find ourselves seeking approval from others, be it at work, in relationships, or even on social media.

The desire for a pat on the back, a compliment, a like on a post, became a driving force in my life. It felt like an addiction and the high was short-lived. The more validation I got, the more I craved.

And when it wasn’t there? The self-doubt crept in, gnawing away at my self-esteem.

I eventually realized that this need for validation was because I wasn’t validating myself. My sense of worth hinged on what others thought of me rather than what I thought of myself.

It took time and mindfulness to start shifting this perspective. To understand that my worth wasn’t tied to external validation. It was an internal journey, and it began with acknowledging this behavior and its impact on my life.

2) Fear of Failure

This was another big one for me. I was terrified of failure.

Every time I faced a challenge, I would freeze up. The fear of not succeeding, of not meeting expectations, was paralyzing.

I remember once, I had an opportunity to pitch a project at work. It was a great idea, and I had put a lot of effort into it. But when the day came, I choked. I couldn’t go through with it. The fear of being rejected, of failing in front of my peers was just too overwhelming.

Looking back, I can see how my insecurity played a huge role in this behavior. I was so focused on the potential for failure that I lost sight of the potential for success.

As psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.” It made me realize that failure isn’t something to be feared but to be learned from.

Embracing this thought helped me start taking risks. Yes, sometimes I failed. But each failure became a stepping stone, not a stumbling block. And each success, no matter how small, started to chip away at my insecurities and fears.

3) Avoidance of confrontation

Confrontation was something I always skirted around. The mere thought of it would tie my stomach in knots.

There was this one instance when a colleague had taken credit for a project I had worked on. I knew I should’ve confronted him about it, but the fear of conflict held me back. I grappled with the situation for days, losing sleep over it.

My insecurities made me believe that any form of confrontation would lead to rejection or humiliation. So, I chose to stay silent, even when it was causing me distress.

In time, I understood that my avoidance wasn’t serving me well. It was only feeding my insecurities and reinforcing the belief that I wasn’t capable of standing up for myself.

Once I recognized this behavior, I began to work on it. The first few confrontations were tough, but with practice, it became easier. Slowly, I started asserting myself and standing up for what I believed in.

This change didn’t happen overnight. But each small step helped me build confidence and slowly chipped away at my insecurities.

4) Overcompensation

I remember pulling all-nighters at work, juggling multiple projects at once, and constantly pushing myself to the brink of exhaustion. I believed that if I could just work harder, do more, then maybe I would feel worthy.

But this was just my insecurities speaking, pushing me to compensate for my perceived inadequacies.

Interestingly, a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology backs up this observation.

The study found that men who feel threatened about their masculinity are more likely to engage in overcompensation behaviors such as exaggerating their number of sexual partners or their athletic abilities.

This realization made me understand that I didn’t have to prove my worth to anyone. My worth wasn’t defined by how much work I could handle or how many hours I put in. It was about accepting myself, flaws and all, and not letting my insecurities dictate my actions.

5) Difficulty receiving criticism

One behavior that was particularly difficult for me to acknowledge was my resistance to criticism.

It didn’t matter if it was constructive or not, criticism would send me spiraling into self-doubt and make me question my worth.

This manifested in numerous ways, from defensive reactions to completely shutting down. Often, I would find myself ruminating over a single critical comment for days on end.

I realized that this was because I was already criticizing myself so harshly, and any external criticism only amplified these negative self-perceptions.

Recognizing this pattern was the first step towards change. I started to understand that criticism wasn’t a personal attack on my worth, but an opportunity for growth and improvement.

Over time, I learned to accept criticism gracefully and use it as a tool for self-improvement, rather than letting it fuel my insecurities.

6) Perfectionism

Perfectionism was another behavior I grappled with. I had this constant need to make everything perfect, whether it was a work project or a simple household task.

I remember spending hours on a presentation, obsessing over every little detail, making sure everything was just right. It wasn’t about doing a good job, it was about avoiding any possibility of criticism or failure.

What I eventually realized was that my perfectionism was just another manifestation of my insecurities. I was trying to compensate for my feelings of unworthiness by striving for an unattainable ideal of perfection.

I started to understand that no one is perfect and that it’s okay to make mistakes. This shift in perspective helped me let go of my perfectionistic tendencies and find more peace in accepting myself, flaws and all.

7) Pretending everything is fine

This may sound counterintuitive, but one of the most common behaviors I noticed was pretending everything was fine, even when it wasn’t.

I would put on a brave face and act like I had it all together, even when I was falling apart inside. I believed that showing any sign of struggle or vulnerability would make me appear weak or less than.

But in reality, this facade only served to reinforce my insecurities. It was exhausting to maintain and left me feeling isolated and misunderstood.

The turning point came when I realized that it’s okay not to be okay. That showing vulnerability isn’t a sign of weakness, but of strength.

As a practical step, start by opening up to someone you trust about what you’re going through. It could be a friend, family member, or a mental health professional. You might be surprised at the relief you feel from simply sharing your struggles.

This journey towards self-acceptance and combating insecurity isn’t easy, but every step forward counts. Remember, you are worthy just as you are.

Conclusion

Recognizing these behaviors is the first step towards overcoming insecurities about your worth. But remember, change takes time. It’s a journey, not a destination.

Start by focusing on one behavior at a time. Practice mindfulness, allow yourself to make mistakes, open up about your struggles, and most importantly, be kind to yourself.

As you embark on this transformative journey of self-discovery and growth, remember this: Your worth is not defined by what others think of you or how much you achieve. You are enough, just as you are.

And finally, don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you need it. There’s no shame in reaching out and getting the support you need to navigate these complexities. After all, we’re all works in progress.