Minh Tran
It’s strange how success can feel like failure in the eyes of others.
I’m 37 years old. I’ve built a career I’m proud of, created a life that feels fulfilling, and made choices that align with who I truly am. And yet, to many people, there’s one glaring omission: I don’t have children.
Because of that, some assume my life is incomplete. They see my success, my freedom, my happiness—and still, they can’t help but wonder when I’ll finally “settle down” and do what they believe I’m meant to do.
But here’s the thing: I haven’t missed out on anything. I haven’t failed at life. In fact, choosing not to have children has allowed me to grow in ways I never imagined, deepening my relationships, expanding my perspective, and creating space for a life that feels truly authentic to me.
Yet the idea persists—that a woman’s worth is measured by whether or not she becomes a mother. That no matter how much she accomplishes, how much joy she experiences, or how fulfilled she feels, it will never quite be enough without children.
But is that really true? Or is it time we challenge this outdated belief?
1) My life is not missing anything
There’s often an assumption that a woman without children must feel a void in her life—that there’s something essential she’s missing out on.
But what if there is no void?
My life is full. It’s filled with purpose, love, adventure, and deep connections. I have meaningful relationships, I contribute to the world in ways that feel important, and I wake up every day feeling content with the path I’ve chosen.
Yet people still ask if I worry about regret. If I ever feel lonely. If I’ll change my mind before it’s too late.
But the truth is, fulfillment doesn’t come from following a script someone else wrote. It comes from living in alignment with what truly makes you happy. And for me, that happiness has never depended on having children.
2) I am not selfish for choosing this life
One of the most common things I hear is that my choice is selfish. That by not having children, I’m putting myself first in a way that isn’t fair or right.
But is it really selfish to build a life that feels true to who I am?
I remember a conversation with an old friend who has three kids. She was exhausted, overwhelmed, and struggling to find time for herself. At one point, she looked at me and said, “I wish I had your freedom.”
I felt guilty for a moment—guilty that my life looked easier in comparison. But then I realized something: she made her choice, just as I made mine. Neither of us is wrong. Neither of us is selfish. We simply chose different paths based on what we knew would bring us fulfillment.
I have deep respect for people who dedicate their lives to raising children. But my path is different, and that doesn’t make it any less valuable or meaningful.
3) My worth is not defined by motherhood
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Do what you feel in your heart to be right—for you’ll be criticized anyway.”
No words have rung truer in my life.
Choosing not to have children has invited more opinions than I ever imagined. Some people pity me, assuming I must be secretly unhappy. Others judge me, believing I’ve rejected my “true purpose” as a woman.
But if I had chosen the opposite—if I had become a mother despite knowing it wasn’t right for me—there would still be people questioning my choices. Would I be a good enough parent? Would I regret giving up my independence? Would I be able to balance it all?
There’s no winning when you live according to other people’s expectations. If I’m going to be judged either way, I’d rather be judged for living a life that feels true to me.
4) Happiness doesn’t come from following a script
For most of human history, people didn’t think about happiness the way we do now. Marriage and children weren’t seen as personal choices—they were obligations, necessary for survival and social order. Personal fulfillment wasn’t really part of the conversation.
Yet even now, when we have more freedom than ever to shape our own lives, there’s still this lingering belief that happiness follows a set formula: fall in love, get married, have kids.
But life doesn’t work like that. Happiness isn’t a checklist—it’s deeply personal. Some people find it in raising a family, others in their careers, their passions, their relationships, or even solitude.
I’ve built a life that brings me joy every day. Not because I followed a script, but because I allowed myself to question it.
5) Fulfillment comes in many forms
There’s this assumption that raising children is the most meaningful thing a person can do. And for many, it is. But it’s not the only way to live a meaningful life.
I’ve found fulfillment in mentoring younger colleagues, in deep friendships that have lasted decades, in creative pursuits that challenge me, and in moments of stillness where I truly feel at peace.
I’ve been there for friends in ways that wouldn’t have been possible if my time and energy were pulled in another direction. I’ve poured myself into work that makes a difference, traveled to places that opened my mind, and built a life that feels rich and full in ways I never expected.
If meaning only came from parenthood, then no one without children would ever feel whole. And yet, I do.
6) Love is not limited to family
People often assume that without children, my life must be lonely or lacking in deep love. But love isn’t something that only exists within the walls of a traditional family.
I’ve built relationships that are just as meaningful, just as deep, and just as important as any parent-child bond. I have friends who feel like soulmates, nieces and nephews who light up my life, and a chosen family that supports me in ways that go beyond blood ties.
Love is expansive. It’s found in the people who truly see you, in the moments of connection that make life feel rich, in the quiet understanding between two people who have chosen to walk through life together—whether they share DNA or not.
I don’t need to be a mother to experience love in its fullest form. I already do, every single day.
7) My future is not something to be afraid of
One of the most common things people say to me is, “But who will take care of you when you’re older?” as if having children is a guarantee of lifelong care and companionship.
The truth is, no one knows what the future holds. Plenty of people with children still end up alone or without support in old age. Plenty of people without children build strong communities that sustain them through every stage of life.
I’m not afraid of growing older on my own terms. I’ve built meaningful relationships, invested in my well-being, and created a life that supports me now and will continue to do so in the years ahead.
Security isn’t about whether or not you have children—it’s about the connections you nurture, the independence you build, and the mindset you carry forward.
8) My life is mine to live
At the end of the day, the only person who has to live with my choices is me.
No one else wakes up in my body, moves through my experiences, or feels the quiet satisfaction of a life that aligns with who I truly am. The opinions of others—no matter how strong—don’t change the reality that I am happy, fulfilled, and at peace with the path I’ve chosen.
There will always be people who believe a woman’s life is incomplete without children. But their beliefs don’t define me. My worth isn’t measured by whether or not I followed a traditional path—it’s measured by how fully and authentically I live.
And by that measure, I have never felt like a failure.
The bottom line
A fulfilled life doesn’t have one definition. It’s not measured by milestones others expect you to reach.
There will always be people who question your choices, who assume you’re missing something, who believe happiness only looks one way. But their expectations are not your responsibility.
What matters is how you feel when you wake up every morning. Whether your life feels rich, meaningful, and true to who you are.
Not having children hasn’t made my life any less valuable. If anything, it has given me the space to live in a way that feels fully aligned with who I am.
We all have different paths. The most important thing is having the courage to walk the one that’s right for you.
