Eliza Hartley
As parents, we all want to be respected and admired by our children, especially as they get older—but respect isn’t something that just happens.
It’s all about how we treat them and the behaviors we model.
We all make mistakes from time to time, but there are some behaviors that, if not checked, can seriously damage the respect our children have for us.
In my journey as a parent, I’ve learned that there are seven behaviors that need to go if you want your child to respect you as they get older.
These behaviors might seem ordinary, but they carry a heavy impact:
1) Being overly authoritative
In the world of parenting, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that being stern and authoritative is the key to earning your child’s respect.
After all, you’re the adult, right?
But the thing is, respect is a two-way street—it’s not about asserting dominance or control.
In fact, being overly authoritative can often lead to the opposite of respect.
It can lead to fear, resentment, and a lack of open communication.
If we want our children to respect us as they get older, we have to show them that we respect their thoughts, feelings, and choices too.
It’s about guiding and advising rather than dictating—fostering an environment where your child feels safe to express themselves and make their own decisions.
Remember, we’re not just raising children—we’re raising future adults—and they need to know that their opinions matter.
2) Failing to admit mistakes
We all make mistakes, it’s a part of being human.
But as parents, admitting our mistakes can sometimes be a challenge—I’ve certainly had my fair share of these instances.
For example: There was this one time when I wrongly accused my daughter of misplacing her school book.
I was so certain that she’d been careless, I didn’t even entertain the thought that I could be wrong.
It turned out that I’d moved the book while cleaning her room and completely forgotten about it.
The look on her face when I realized my mistake still sticks with me—it was a mix of relief and disappointment.
That day, I learned a valuable lesson.
Admitting when you’re wrong doesn’t make you weak or less authoritative.
In fact, it does the opposite: It shows your child that it’s okay to make mistakes as long as you take responsibility for them.
It teaches them humility and honesty—qualities that they’ll respect in you and carry with them into adulthood.
3) Dismissing their feelings
In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s sometimes easy to overlook the thoughts and feelings of our children.
We might see their worries as trivial compared to our ‘adult’ problems.
However, here’s something to remember: To them, their problems are just as real and pressing as ours are to us.
Children’s brains aren’t fully developed until their early 20s.
This means they’re not always equipped to handle strong emotions and need our guidance.
Yet, when we dismiss their feelings, we’re essentially saying that their emotions aren’t important.
When we validate our children’s feelings, we’re teaching them that it’s okay to feel, and that their feelings matter.
This helps build emotional intelligence—a key factor in success in later life.
The next time your child comes to you with a worry or concern, no matter how small it may seem, take a moment to listen and validate their feelings.
4) Not keeping promises
Promises are powerful—they’re a pact, a commitment.
When you make a promise to your child and keep it, you’re showing them that they can trust you, that your word means something.
But what happens when we break these promises?
Every time a promise is broken, it chips away at the trust our children have in us.
Without trust, respect can be hard to come by.
Keeping your word might not always be easy.
Life gets in the way and sometimes we fall short, but it’s crucial to remember that these promises mean the world to our children.
If you find yourself in a situation where you can’t keep a promise, explain why.
Apologize sincerely and make it up to them if possible.
Promises aren’t just about the action, they’re about the intention and integrity behind them.
5) Ignoring self-care
As parents, it’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of looking after our children and forget about looking after ourselves.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found myself running on empty, trying to juggle parenthood, work, and life.
However, I’ve learned that neglecting self-care doesn’t do anyone any good.
It leaves me feeling drained and irritable, and this undoubtedly affects my interactions with my children.
When they see us taking care of our mental and physical health, they learn the importance of self-care. It teaches them respect for themselves and for others.
Maintaining a healthy lifestyle, practicing mindfulness, and taking time for relaxation are not just beneficial for us, but also for our children.
They see us at our best, and this fosters an environment of mutual respect.
Don’t feel guilty about taking some time out for yourself.
6) Overreacting to mistakes
We all know that sinking feeling when something goes wrong.
It’s easy to let frustration take over and react impulsively, but how we react to our children’s mistakes can greatly impact their respect for us.
Children are still learning as they’re bound to make mistakes—when they do, they look to us for guidance and support.
If we react with anger or disappointment, we’re sending a message that mistakes are bad and should be avoided at all costs. This can lead to fear of failure and stifle their willingness to try new things.
On the other hand, responding calmly and constructively shows them that mistakes are part of the learning process.
It teaches them resilience and problem-solving, traits they’ll carry with them into adulthood.
Use it as a teaching moment rather than a reason for punishment—your child’s respect for you will grow as a result.
7) Not setting boundaries
Boundaries are a crucial part of any relationship, including the one between you and your child.
They provide a sense of security and understanding about what’s acceptable and what’s not.
While it might seem counterintuitive, setting boundaries actually increases a child’s respect for you.
It shows them that you value yourself and your time, and it teaches them the importance of respecting others’ boundaries as well.
Clear, consistent boundaries help children feel safe and secure.
They know what to expect and this predictability can be reassuring in a world that’s often unpredictable.
A home without boundaries is like a world without laws—it’s chaotic and confusing.
Don’t shy away from setting boundaries as it’s one of the most impactful ways you can earn your child’s respect as they grow older.
Final thought: It’s a journey
The path to raising a child who respects you as they grow older is a journey, not a destination.
It’s filled with learning, growth, challenges, and victories.
The behaviors we’ve discussed here are not a quick fix.
They require time, patience, and consistent effort—but the payoff is worthwhile.
A relationship built on mutual respect is one of the most gratifying aspects of parenthood.
It’s important to remember that every child is unique, as is every parent-child relationship.
What works for one might not work for another.
But one universal truth holds: Children learn from what they see.
The behaviors we model for them shape their understanding of respect.
As the renowned psychologist Carl Jung once said, “Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.”
