Eliza Hartley
I used to think that being good with people was all about saying the right things. But over time, I realized it’s just as much about what you stop doing.
The truth is, we all pick up habits—some helpful, some not so much. And as we get older, certain behaviors can hold us back from truly connecting with others.
If you want to improve your people skills, it’s time to let go of these 8 habits. Trust me, your relationships (and your peace of mind) will thank you.
1) Thinking you always have to be right
Nothing kills a conversation faster than someone who refuses to be wrong.
We’ve all been there—digging our heels in, defending our point like our life depends on it. But the truth is, being “right” isn’t nearly as important as being open.
Good people skills come from listening, understanding, and sometimes admitting that maybe—just maybe—you don’t have all the answers.
Let go of the need to win every argument, and you’ll be surprised at how much deeper your connections become.
2) Interrupting instead of listening
I used to think I was just enthusiastic in conversations. If I had a thought, I’d jump in right away—excited to share, add my opinion, or finish someone’s sentence for them.
But then a friend called me out. She told me, “You don’t actually listen—you just wait for your turn to talk.” That stung, but she was right.
Interrupting doesn’t show engagement—it shuts people down. Once I started truly listening instead of planning my next response, my conversations became more meaningful.
People opened up more, and I learned things I never would have if I’d kept cutting in.
3) Avoiding eye contact
Eye contact is one of the strongest ways to build trust with someone. In fact, studies show that just a few seconds of direct eye contact can create a sense of connection between two people—even strangers.
But many people struggle with it. Whether it’s out of shyness, discomfort, or habit, avoiding eye contact can make you seem disinterested or even untrustworthy.
If you want to improve your people skills, start practicing steady (but natural) eye contact. It shows confidence, attentiveness, and most importantly—it makes the other person feel seen.
4) Brushing off other people’s feelings
We’ve all heard (or maybe even said) things like “Don’t be so sensitive” or “You’re overreacting.” While it might seem like a harmless way to calm someone down, it actually does the opposite—it makes them feel unheard and invalidated.
Good people skills come from acknowledging emotions, not dismissing them. You don’t have to agree with how someone feels, but simply saying “I understand why you feel that way” can go a long way in building trust and connection.
People remember how you make them feel. Make sure they feel valued, not ignored.
5) Talking more than you listen
I used to think being good with people meant being interesting—telling great stories, keeping the conversation going, always having something to say.
But over time, I realized the best conversationalists aren’t the ones who talk the most—they’re the ones who listen the best.
When I started letting others speak more, asking questions, and actually absorbing what they were saying instead of waiting for my turn, everything changed. People opened up more, conversations felt deeper, and I learned so much more about those around me.
If you want to improve your people skills, try this: listen twice as much as you talk. You might be surprised at what happens.
6) Trying too hard to be liked
It seems like being well-liked would make you great with people—but ironically, the harder you try to please everyone, the less genuine your connections become.
I used to agree with things I didn’t really believe, laugh at jokes I didn’t find funny, and avoid expressing my real opinions just to keep the peace. But the more I did that, the less people actually knew me.
Real people skills aren’t about making everyone like you. They’re about being authentic, respecting others, and forming connections based on honesty—not just saying what you think people want to hear.
7) Ignoring body language
Words are only part of the conversation—sometimes, what people don’t say matters even more.
Crossed arms, lack of eye contact, a forced smile—these little cues can tell you if someone is uncomfortable, uninterested, or even upset. But if you’re only focused on the words being said, you might miss what’s really going on.
I’ve learned that paying attention to body language helps me respond better in conversations. A slight shift in posture or a change in tone can reveal a lot about how someone is feeling.
And when you start noticing these subtle signals, your ability to connect with others will improve dramatically.
8) Making everything about you
One of the fastest ways to push people away is to constantly turn conversations back to yourself.
Someone shares a struggle, and you immediately jump in with your own. Someone tells a story, and you follow up with a bigger one. It might seem like a way to relate, but in reality, it often makes the other person feel unheard.
Not every moment needs your input. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just be present, listen, and let someone else have the space to be seen and heard.
People skills are about making others feel valued
If you’ve read this far, you’ve probably realized that improving your people skills isn’t about being more charismatic, saying the perfect words, or trying to impress everyone.
At its core, it’s about making others feel heard, respected, and valued.
Maya Angelou once said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” And that’s the key—how you make others feel is what truly defines your relationships.
Let go of the habits that hold you back, and watch how much deeper and more meaningful your connections become.
