If you want to be more assertive in life as you get older, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

My grandad was a man of few words, but one phrase that still sticks with me is, “Stand up straight, speak your mind.” He was a big believer in being assertive, in having the courage to express one’s feelings and desires without fear or hesitation.

Now, let’s be honest.

Assertiveness is not something that comes naturally to everyone. It can be particularly challenging as we start to age, becoming more set in our ways and less inclined to rock the boat.

But here’s an interesting thought.

Could it be that certain behaviors we’ve picked up over the years actually hinder our ability to be assertive?

So if you’re pondering, “How can I become more assertive as I age?” it might be time to reassess your habits.

Let me share with you seven behaviors that may be holding you back from asserting yourself and standing up tall, just like my grandad urged.

1) Avoiding difficult conversations

We’ve all been there.

A pressing issue arises and instead of facing it head-on, we take a step back. Maybe we convince ourselves that it isn’t worth the potential conflict, or perhaps we’re worried about hurting someone’s feelings.

But here’s the twist.

Avoiding difficult conversations can often lead to more harm than good. It can result in misunderstandings, resentment, and can even stunt our personal growth.

Assertiveness requires courage to express our thoughts and feelings, even when it’s uncomfortable. It means embracing those difficult conversations with honesty and tact.

So next time you find yourself shying away from a tough talk, remind yourself of this – clear communication is vital for healthy relationships and personal assertiveness. It might be a challenging habit to break, but the rewards of honest dialogue are well worth it.

2) Saying ‘yes’ when you really mean ‘no’

This one hits close to home.

I remember a time when I was asked to take on an additional project at work. The deadline was tight and my plate was already overflowing. But rather than declining, I found myself saying “Sure, I can handle it”.

Now, why did I do that?

I guess I didn’t want to appear incapable or disappoint my team. But the result? Sleepless nights, stress, and a feeling of being overwhelmed.

Here’s the reality.

Saying ‘yes’ when we really mean ‘no’ is a common behavior that undermines our assertiveness. We do it to avoid conflict, to please others, or sometimes just out of habit.

But at what cost?

It’s crucial to understand that saying ‘no’ is not a sign of weakness or rudeness. It’s about setting boundaries and respecting our own needs and limitations.

3) Putting everyone else’s needs before your own

If you’re anything like me, you might find yourself constantly prioritizing the needs of others. It’s as if there’s an invisible rulebook saying ‘everyone else first, me last’.

Let me tell you a story.

A while back, I was invited to a friend’s party. The only problem? It was scheduled the same day I had planned a much-needed self-care evening. You know, the kind with bubble baths, a good book, and zero interruptions.

But instead of politely declining the invite, guess what I ended up doing? I put my plans aside and attended the party.

The result? A part of me felt resentful. Sure, I enjoyed the party, but I also missed out on something I really needed.

And that’s just it.

Consistently prioritizing others’ needs over our own doesn’t make us heroes. It ends up creating feelings of resentment and exhaustion. It also sends a message that our needs, feelings, and time aren’t as valuable.

Being assertive means acknowledging that your needs are as important as anyone else’s. It’s about giving yourself the permission to prioritize yourself without feeling guilty about it.

4) Holding back your thoughts and opinions

I’m sure you’ve had those moments.

You’re in a group discussion, and you have a thought or an opinion that’s itching to be voiced. But rather than speaking up, you hold it back. Maybe you’re worried it might be unpopular, or perhaps you fear being judged.

Sound familiar?

But here’s what we often forget.

Holding back our thoughts and opinions doesn’t do us any favors. It diminishes our self-confidence and prevents authentic communication. It also deprives others of a different perspective that could add value to the discussion.

The next time you find yourself holding back, remember this – your thoughts and opinions are valid and deserve to be shared. And who knows? Your unique perspective might just be the one that makes all the difference.

5) Apologizing unnecessarily

Now, let’s talk about apologies.

In a study by the University of Waterloo, researchers found that women apologize more than men. Not because men are less willing to admit wrongdoing, but because they perceive fewer instances where an apology is needed.

Isn’t that something?

But it’s not just about gender dynamics. All of us, at some point or another, tend to apologize when it’s not necessary. We say “sorry” when we ask a question, express an opinion, or even when someone else bumps into us.

Here’s the thing.

Apologizing when it’s not warranted can diminish our assertiveness and send a message that we’re at fault when we’re not. It subtly erodes our self-confidence and can lead others to perceive us as less competent.

6) Ignoring your own feelings

Let me share something with you.

We all have moments when we feel upset, frustrated, or disappointed. Yet, how often do we actually allow ourselves to acknowledge these feelings? More often than not, we tend to brush them under the carpet, telling ourselves to “get over it” or “don’t be so sensitive.”

But listen.

Your feelings are valid. They’re a part of who you are and they matter. Ignoring them doesn’t make them disappear, it just buries them deeper, often leading to stress and unhappiness.

Assertiveness involves recognizing and accepting your emotions. It’s about giving yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling without judgement or guilt.

And remember, it’s more than okay to take care of your emotional well-being. You deserve it.

7) Fearing rejection

Fear of rejection can be a powerful force.

It can hold us back from speaking our minds, setting boundaries, and standing up for ourselves. It can make us feel small and insignificant, and that’s not a pleasant place to be.

But here’s what you need to know.

Rejection is a part of life. Not everyone will agree with us or like what we have to say. And that’s okay. What matters most is that we stay true to ourselves and our values.

Don’t let the fear of rejection hold you back. Stand tall, speak your truth, and remember – you are enough, just as you are.

Embracing the journey

So, you’ve recognized some of these behaviors in your own life. That’s the first step.

Now, bear in mind this isn’t about becoming aggressive or domineering. But rather, asserting yourself with confidence, clarity, and respect for others. This way, we can positively influence our life experiences as we grow older – one assertive step at a time.

Remember, it’s not about reaching perfection. It’s about progress. It’s about making those small, intentional changes that can have a big impact over time.

Start by noticing when and where these behaviors show up in your life. Are there certain situations or people that trigger them? Once you’re aware of these patterns, you can start to change them.

Take it one step at a time. Be patient with yourself. And most importantly, be kind to yourself along the way.

Because at the end of the day, this journey is all about becoming a better, stronger, more confident version of you.

Mia Zhang

Mia Zhang blends Eastern and Western perspectives in her approach to self-improvement. Her writing explores the intersection of cultural identity and personal growth. Mia encourages readers to embrace their unique backgrounds as a source of strength and inspiration in their life journeys.

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