Minh Tran
If your teen rolls their eyes at you, you get it—they’re annoyed. If they slam their door, you understand—they’re upset.
Welcome to parenting 101.
But sometimes, it’s not that straightforward.
Indeed, the relationship between a parent and a child is so layered and delicate that it takes shedding some old habits to maintain a healthy bond as they grow older.
I’ve discovered 8 specific habits that need to go.
As someone who has walked this path, trust me on this one. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it—for you, and for them.
1) Being dismissive of their feelings
Emotions are a whirlwind, aren’t they?
They surprise us, confuse us, and sometimes, they even overwhelm us.
But here’s the thing: it’s not just adults who experience this emotional rollercoaster.
Our kids do too. And they’re still learning how to navigate it.
One of the quickest ways to push your children away as they get older is to dismiss or invalidate their feelings.
I’ve seen it happen—heck, I’ve done it myself.
It’s easy to forget that their emotions are just as intense, if not more so, than our own.
But here’s the good news: changing this habit can be transformative for your relationship with your child.
Next time they’re upset or excited about something that may seem trivial to you, remember—it’s not trivial to them.
Listen, validate, and empathize. Because when you acknowledge their emotions, you’re showing them that you respect their feelings and experiences.
And trust me—that goes a long way.
2) Not acknowledging your own mistakes
Nobody’s perfect, right? We all make mistakes.
I’ll never forget the day I snapped at my son for spilling juice on the new couch. I was stressed, tired, and I just lost it.
But instead of admitting I was wrong for yelling, I blamed him for being careless.
The result? He went to bed upset, and I felt like the worst parent in the world.
It took some time for me to realize that my inability to admit my own mistakes was creating a rift between us.
When I finally sat him down, apologized for my outburst and admitted that I was wrong—that changed everything.
Our children look up to us as their role models. If we can’t admit our own mistakes, how can we expect them to admit theirs?
It’s not about being a perfect parent—it’s about being an honest one.
Admitting when you’re wrong shows them that it’s okay to make mistakes as long as we learn from them.
And let me tell you—it’s one of the most powerful lessons you can teach your child.
3) Overdoing the advice
As parents, our first instinct is to help our children navigate their way through life. We want to protect them from making the same mistakes we did.
And that often means doling out advice—sometimes even when it’s not asked for.
Unsolicited advice is often perceived as criticism. Instead of making them feel supported, it might make them feel like they’re not competent enough to handle their own problems.
Now, I’m not saying you should never give advice.
But maybe instead of always jumping in with solutions, we can try asking them what they think they should do or how they plan to handle a situation.
The goal is to help them build problem-solving skills and confidence, not to make them reliant on our guidance.
After all, isn’t that what growing up is all about?
4) Neglecting to set clear boundaries
Let’s face it: when they’re young, it’s easy to let the little things slide. But as they grow older, setting clear boundaries becomes crucial.
Boundaries, in a way, serve as a roadmap for their behavior. They need to understand where the lines are drawn.
This applies to everything—from curfews and chores to expectations for how they should treat others.
But here’s the kicker: boundaries work both ways. They also need to understand that you, as their parent, have boundaries too.
Your time, your space, your energy—these are all things you have a right to protect.
It’s about creating a sense of respect and understanding within the family. And trust me, it makes a world of difference in the long run.
5) Lack of quality time
I remember when my kids were little, they used to follow me around like shadows.
Back then, spending time together was as simple as reading them a bedtime story or playing with their favorite toys.
But as they grew older, I noticed a shift. They started craving their own space, and it became harder to find common ground.
I learned the hard way that it’s not just about quantity—it’s also about quality.
Just being in the same room isn’t enough. It’s about being present, engaging, and showing genuine interest in their lives.
So now, I make it a point to spend quality time with each of my children.
We cook together, watch movies, or sometimes just talk about their day. It might not seem like much, but these moments of connection can create a strong bond that withstands the test of time.
6) Avoiding difficult conversations
As parents, our instinct is to shield our children from the harsh realities of life. We want to protect them from pain, disappointment, and failure.
But in doing so, are we really doing them any favors?
The truth is, life is full of ups and downs. And if we constantly shield them from the downs, we’re not preparing them for the real world.
Instead of avoiding difficult conversations, we should use them as teachable moments.
Whether it’s about a poor grade, a broken friendship, or even a global crisis—these are opportunities to help them understand, cope, and grow.
It might be uncomfortable, but it’s necessary. Because at the end of the day, our job isn’t to make life perfect for our kids—it’s to prepare them for life.
7) Constant comparisons
“Look at your sister, she’s already finished her homework.” “Why can’t you be more like your cousin, he’s always so polite.”
Sound familiar? We’ve all done it at some point, compared our child to their siblings or peers. But here’s the thing: comparisons can be harmful.
Each child is unique, with their own strengths and weaknesses.
And when we compare them to others, we’re sending a message that they’re not good enough just as they are.
Instead of comparing, let’s try celebrating their individuality.
Encourage their unique talents, praise their efforts, and help them work on their weaknesses.
After all, the goal isn’t to raise a child who’s better than everyone else—it’s to raise a child who’s the best version of themselves.
8) Not practicing what you preach
We tell our kids to be kind, respectful, and honest. But are we showing them how?
Kids are observant. They notice when our actions don’t match our words. And when that happens, our lessons lose their impact.
If you want your child to value honesty, be honest. If you want them to be kind, show kindness.
If you want them to respect others, demonstrate respect.
The most powerful lessons are not those we tell, but those we show.
It’s not easy, but it’s the most effective way to guide our children towards becoming the adults we hope they’ll be.
Final thoughts
If you’ve made it this far, hopefully, you’ve gained some new insights on parenting.
Because at the end of the day, raising children is not about creating mini versions of ourselves.
It’s about nurturing them into becoming their own people, their best selves.
Parenting is tricky, complex, and sometimes downright overwhelming. But remember, it’s also an incredible journey of growth—for them and for you.
The habits we’ve discussed are not easy to let go of. They require patience, reflection, and a whole lot of love.
But the reward? A lasting bond with your children that no amount of time or distance can sever.
Take a moment. Reflect on these habits. Are they present in your parenting? And if they are, what steps can you take to start changing them?
Remember, it’s never too late to become a better parent. And your child? They’re worth every effort.
