Minh Tran
Ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you say, but how you say it?”
Well, in my experience, it’s a bit of both.
Sure, you might have a silver tongue and a captivating way with words, yet there are still some topics that can make any conversation nosedive faster than a lead balloon.
Whether you’re at a networking event, catching up with old friends, or on a first date, you’ve probably been in a conversation where things took a sour turn.
Maybe someone brought up an inappropriate topic or made an off-color joke. Suddenly, the chat feels awkward, and you’re left wondering why.
Here’s the deal.
You might be the culprit behind these conversational faux pas without even knowing it.
So if you’ve ever asked yourself “How can I improve my communication skills?” then buckle up.
Today, we’re steering clear of the typical advice like ‘practice active listening’ or ‘maintain eye contact’.
Instead, we’ll explore seven taboo topics that could be sabotaging your conversations and turning you into a below-average communicator.
By avoiding these traps, you’ll not only become more mindful of your discussions but also create more meaningful connections.
After all, good communication is key to any successful relationship.
1) Personal finances
Money. It’s a topic that can cause discomfort in even the most casual conversations.
Why?
Well, it’s simple really. Discussing personal finances can make others feel either inadequate or uncomfortable, and neither of those emotions are the building blocks of a fruitful conversation.
Whether you’re talking about how much you earn, how much you’ve saved, or how much you’ve just splurged on your latest holiday—most people don’t want to hear it.
Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. If you’re speaking with a financial advisor, for instance, or having an important discussion about shared expenses with a partner, then yes, it’s absolutely appropriate.
But generally speaking, when it comes to everyday chit-chat, steer clear of personal finance talk. It’s a sure-fire way to turn a light-hearted conversation into an awkward exchange.
And let’s be honest, who needs that?
2) Personal health issues
We’ve all been there.
You’re in the middle of a pleasant chat, maybe even enjoying your cup of coffee, when suddenly, the person across from you starts detailing their latest medical procedure or chronic ailment.
I remember being at a dinner party once when an acquaintance, let’s call him Bob, started sharing his recent gallbladder surgery experience. The color of the gallstones, the intensity of the pain, the recovery process—you name it, Bob shared it.
Needless to say, it was uncomfortable for everyone involved (not to mention a real appetite killer).
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m all for empathy and providing a listening ear when someone needs it. But there’s a time and place for everything.
And unless you’re talking to your doctor or a close friend who genuinely wants to know, most people would prefer not to hear about your health problems over dinner.
Being mindful of your conversation topics is not just about being a good communicator—it’s also about being considerate of others’ comfort levels.
3) Unsolicited advice
Ah, the infamous unsolicited advice.
I have a friend—we’ll call her Jane—who has a propensity for dishing out advice without being asked. It doesn’t matter what we’re talking about; she always seems to have a tip, a solution, or a recommendation that she just can’t keep to herself.
The problem?
Well, most of the time her advice feels like criticism. Instead of feeling heard or understood, I end up feeling judged and patronized.
I remember one time when I shared my struggle with meditation. I wasn’t asking for help; I was merely expressing my feelings. Yet, Jane immediately jumped in with a barrage of suggestions: “Have you tried this app? You should meditate in the morning. Maybe you’re not sitting right.”
Inadvertently, Jane turned a casual conversation into an unsolicited coaching session.
The lesson here?
Unless someone explicitly asks for your advice, it’s often better to keep it to yourself. Listening goes a long way in building strong relationships, and sometimes people just want to vent or express their feelings without seeking a solution.
So, if you find yourself often giving unsolicited advice in conversations, it might be time to rethink your approach.
4) Gossip
Ah, gossip, the guilty pleasure we all hate to love.
It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the juicy details of someone else’s life, isn’t it? But here’s the thing: gossiping about others doesn’t make you an engaging conversationalist. In fact, it does quite the opposite.
When you indulge in gossip, you’re not only invading someone else’s privacy, but you’re also creating an environment of negativity and judgment. And trust me, no one likes to be around a person who constantly talks about others behind their backs.
Plus, if you’re willing to gossip about others, it makes people wonder what you might be saying about them when they’re not around.
Next time you’re tempted to share that piece of ‘hot news’ about your friend or colleague, stop and think. Is it necessary? Is it kind? Is it true? If not, it’s probably best left unsaid.
Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. Let’s aim for greatness, shall we?
5) Controversial topics
Politics, religion, and other hot-button issues can turn a friendly chat into a heated debate in a snap.
Not convinced?
A study conducted by Pew Research Center found that nearly half of the people who regularly talk about politics have gotten into an argument about it.
And it makes sense. These topics are deeply personal and rooted in core beliefs and values, so it’s easy for the conversation to become emotionally charged.
Sure, it can be stimulating to engage in these discussions with people who have different viewpoints. But more often than not, they end up creating tension and disagreement.
Here’s my advice: Unless you’re absolutely sure that the person you’re speaking to is open to having a civil and respectful conversation about these issues, it’s usually better to steer clear of controversial topics.
There are plenty of other interesting things to talk about. And isn’t it better to focus on what unites us rather than what divides us?
6) Negative personal experiences
We all have our struggles and bad days. Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, and it’s completely normal to want to share your experiences with others.
But constantly focusing on the negative aspects of your life can be draining for the person on the receiving end.
Let me clarify.
I’m not saying you should always pretend everything’s perfect. Authenticity and vulnerability are crucial for building deep, meaningful connections. However, if every conversation with you feels like a therapy session, people might start to pull away.
Remember that everyone has their own battles to fight. While it’s important to share and connect, it’s equally important to respect other people’s emotional bandwidth.
So, next time you want to vent about your latest woes, take a moment to consider the person you’re speaking with.
Are they in a position to offer the support you need? Or would it be better to save that conversation for a more appropriate time or person?
Balancing the positive with the negative in your conversations is not just beneficial for your relationships—it’s also a healthy practice for your own well-being.
After all, the stories we repeatedly tell ourselves shape our perception of reality. So, why not make them uplifting?
7) Past grievances
Holding onto past grievances can feel like carrying a heavy backpack—it slows you down and exhausts you. But guess what? It’s not just you who feels the weight; it also impacts your conversations and relationships.
Constantly bringing up past mistakes or disagreements can create a toxic environment. It not only dredges up old feelings of resentment but also prevents the conversation (and the relationship) from moving forward.
No one likes to be reminded of their past failures over and over again. We all make mistakes, and we all deserve the chance to learn from them and move on.
If you find yourself frequently revisiting past grievances in your conversations, it might be time for some self-reflection. Are you holding onto these grudges for a reason? Is there something unresolved that needs to be addressed?
And remember: forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. By letting go of past grievances, you’re not only improving your conversations—you’re also creating space for more peace and joy in your life.
Wrapping up
If you’ve recognized yourself in any of these seven topics, take heart. You’re not alone, and more importantly, you’re not doomed to be a below-average communicator forever.
Awareness is the first step towards change. By acknowledging these conversation pitfalls, you’ve already made progress.
Remember, becoming a skilled conversationalist and a good friend doesn’t require perfection. It’s about understanding, empathy, and mindfulness. It’s about knowing when to speak, what to discuss, and when to simply listen.
So the next time you engage in a chat, pause for a second. Reflect on your conversation topics. Are they bringing value? Are they fostering connection or creating discomfort?
Reframing our conversations is not just about avoiding certain topics. It’s an opportunity for personal growth and for building meaningful relationships.
The beauty of communication skills is that they can always be improved. And with every conversation you have, you’re given another chance to practice and grow.
Be patient with yourself. Celebrate your progress. Keep learning and striving for meaningful dialogues. And remember: the art of conversation lies as much in the silence as it does in the words.
