James Carter
For years, I’ve been fascinated by human behavior—why we think, feel, and act the way we do. As someone who’s spent a lot of time studying psychology and mindfulness, I’ve noticed a pattern in certain people: they just can’t stand seeing others succeed.
Maybe you’ve encountered them too. The ones who downplay your achievements, throw subtle jabs, or seem resentful when things go well for you. At first, it’s confusing. Why wouldn’t they just be happy for you?
But psychology has some answers. There are specific habits and behaviors that reveal an underlying struggle with envy, insecurity, or even a scarcity mindset.
In this article, I’ll break down seven key habits of people who secretly hate seeing others win. Once you recognize these patterns, you’ll be better equipped to handle them—and maybe even avoid falling into the same trap yourself.
Let’s dive in.
1) They downplay other people’s achievements
One of the clearest signs of someone who struggles with other people’s success is their habit of minimizing it.
You get a promotion, and they say, “Well, you were just lucky.” You accomplish something meaningful, and they brush it off like it’s no big deal.
At first, you might not even notice it. Their words seem harmless—maybe even logical. But over time, you start to realize they never genuinely celebrate anyone else’s wins.
Psychology suggests this often comes from insecurity. When someone feels like they’re falling behind in life, they try to level the playing field by diminishing what others achieve. It’s easier for them to believe success is just a matter of luck or circumstance rather than effort and skill.
If you notice this pattern in someone, don’t let it get to you. Their reaction says more about them than about you. Keep focusing on your own growth, and surround yourself with people who do celebrate your success.
2) They disguise jealousy as ‘harsh honesty’
I once had a friend who would criticize every achievement I made—always under the guise of “just being honest.”
He told me, “You’ll never stand out.” When I made a big personal breakthrough, he’d say something like, “Just don’t get ahead of yourself. It’s not that impressive.”
At first, I believed he was just giving me tough love. But over time, I realized his ‘honesty’ wasn’t about helping me—it was about keeping me small. People who doubt their own potential often try to tear down others who are proving that success is possible.
Looking back, I see that my friend wasn’t being brutally honest—he was projecting his own fears onto me. And once I understood that, his words lost their power over me.
3) They constantly compare themselves to others
A few years ago, I had a coworker who turned everything into a competition. If I worked late to finish a project, he’d make a point of saying how he had pulled even longer hours. If I mentioned going to the gym, he’d casually bring up how much heavier he could lift.
At first, I thought it was just friendly banter. But over time, I realized he wasn’t trying to connect—he was keeping score. My successes weren’t something to celebrate; they were something for him to outdo.
Psychologists call this social comparison theory—the idea that people determine their own self-worth by measuring themselves against others. And while some comparison is natural, constantly stacking yourself up against others can lead to resentment and insecurity.
Eventually, I stopped engaging in the competition he had created. Instead of playing along, I focused on my own progress. And when I did that, I felt a sense of freedom—because real success isn’t about being better than someone else. It’s about being better than you were yesterday.
4) They secretly enjoy when others fail
Have you ever shared a setback with someone, only to sense a little too much enthusiasm in their response?
I remember a time when I told an old acquaintance that a project I was working on had completely fallen apart. Instead of offering support, he smirked and said, “Well, I guess it wasn’t meant to be.” His words sounded neutral, but his tone? It almost felt like he was relieved.
Psychologists call this schadenfreude—the secret pleasure some people feel when others experience failure. People with low self-esteem are more likely to feel joy when others fail because it temporarily boosts their own sense of worth.
Once I recognized this in certain people, I stopped sharing my struggles with them. Instead, I turned to those who genuinely wanted to see me succeed—both in my wins and in my setbacks. Because real friends don’t celebrate your failures. They help you rise from them.
5) They always find a reason to criticize
No matter what you achieve, some people will always find something wrong with it.
I once told someone I had started practicing meditation daily. Instead of being supportive, they said, “Well, don’t get too obsessed with it. Some people lose touch with reality doing that.”
It didn’t matter what the topic was—starting a business, traveling, even just reading a new book—there was always a negative spin.
At first, I thought they were just being cautious or practical. But over time, I realized their constant criticism wasn’t about protecting me—it was about keeping me small.
Psychologically, this often comes from a scarcity mindset—the belief that success is a limited resource. If they see you growing, it makes them feel like they’re falling behind. So instead of lifting themselves up, they try to pull you down.
The best way to handle these people? Stop looking for their approval. If you wait for them to validate your choices, you’ll be waiting forever. Instead, trust yourself. Keep learning, keep growing—and let their negativity stay their problem, not yours.
6) They act supportive—but only to your face
I once had a friend who always seemed supportive. Whenever I shared a new goal or accomplishment, he’d nod and say, “That’s awesome, man!”
But then I started hearing things from mutual friends—comments he had made behind my back. Things like, “Lachlan’s little blog won’t last long” or “He’s trying too hard to be successful.”
At first, it stung. How could someone who acted so encouraging be so dismissive when I wasn’t around? But then I came across a quote from Alfred Adler, one of the pioneers of modern psychology, “The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.”
In other words, people often wear masks—pretending to be supportive while secretly hoping you’ll fail. It’s not about you; it’s about their own insecurities. Your success forces them to confront their lack of progress, and that’s uncomfortable.
Once I realized this, I stopped taking it personally. I learned to pay less attention to what people said and more attention to how they acted when I wasn’t around. Because real supporters don’t just clap for you in public—they root for you in private too.
7) They give you advice—but it holds you back
You’d think that someone who gives you advice wants to see you succeed. But sometimes, the advice people give is actually designed to keep you from moving forward.
I remember telling someone I wanted to turn Hack Spirit into a full-time business. Their response? “You should play it safe. Don’t quit your job—most online businesses fail.”
On the surface, it sounded like concern. But in reality, it was fear—their fear, projected onto me. And if I had listened, I might never have taken the leap.
When people frame their doubts as “helpful” caution, even though it actually discourages growth. While some advice is genuinely useful, a lot of it comes from people who are afraid of change—especially when it’s happening to someone else.
A practical tip: Next time someone gives you advice that feels limiting, ask yourself:
“Is this coming from experience and wisdom—or from fear?”
If it’s fear-based, take it with a grain of salt—and keep moving toward the life you want, not the one someone else is too afraid to chase.
Final thoughts: focus on your own path
At the end of the day, people who can’t stand seeing others succeed are battling their own insecurities. Their negativity isn’t about you—it’s about them.
The best thing you can do? Stop seeking approval from the wrong people.
Instead, surround yourself with those who genuinely support your growth. And most importantly, keep moving forward—whether others cheer for you or not.
Because real success isn’t about proving people wrong. It’s about proving to yourself that you’re capable of more than you ever imagined.
