For years, I stayed in toxic relationships because I thought that was all I deserved. Here’s how I finally broke free

For years, I convinced myself that love was supposed to be hard. That if I just tried a little more, gave a little more, maybe things would change.

I stayed in relationships that drained me—partners who dismissed my feelings, made me question my worth, or left me feeling utterly alone even when they were right beside me.

But I told myself this was normal. That real love meant enduring the pain, proving my devotion, and accepting whatever scraps of affection I was given.

Looking back, I realize I wasn’t just afraid of being alone—I genuinely believed that this was all I deserved. That the deep, fulfilling love I longed for was meant for other people, not for me.

It took years of heartbreak, self-reflection, and a painful wake-up call to finally break free. And when I did, I had to unlearn everything I thought I knew about love and self-worth.

How I finally realized I deserved more

The turning point wasn’t dramatic. There was no explosive fight, no sudden moment of clarity. It was quieter than that—just a slow, creeping exhaustion that settled into my bones.

I remember sitting across from my partner at dinner, listening to them speak but feeling completely invisible. I had spent years trying to be enough for someone who never really saw me.

And in that moment, I finally asked myself: What if the problem isn’t that I’m not enough? What if the problem is that I keep giving my love to people who don’t know how to receive it?

That question changed everything.

I stopped making excuses for mistreatment. I stopped believing that love was something I had to earn. Instead, I shifted my focus inward—I started therapy, set boundaries, and learned to sit with the discomfort of being alone rather than settling for relationships that left me empty.

And slowly, I began to see myself differently. Not as someone who needed to prove their worth, but as someone who was already worthy.

In the next section, I’ll share the biggest misconception people have about leaving toxic relationships—and why my experience showed me something entirely different.

Why leaving isn’t just about walking away

People think leaving a toxic relationship is the hardest part. That once you finally walk away, the pain ends, and you’re free.

I used to believe that too. I thought if I could just find the courage to leave, everything would fall into place. But what I didn’t realize was that the real work comes after.

The hardest part wasn’t packing my things or saying goodbye. It was facing the version of myself who had accepted so little for so long. It was undoing years of self-doubt, rewiring my beliefs about love, and learning to trust myself again.

Leaving is just the first step. What comes next—the healing, the rebuilding, the learning to love yourself—is what truly sets you free.

In the next section, I’ll share the one thing that made all the difference in breaking this cycle for good.

The key to breaking the cycle for good

The biggest shift happened when I stopped focusing on them and started focusing on me.

For so long, I had been trying to fix, please, or prove my worth to the wrong people.

But the real work—the kind that actually changed my life—was turning inward and rebuilding my relationship with myself.

I had to sit with uncomfortable truths. I had to ask myself why I kept choosing people who couldn’t love me the way I deserved.

And most importantly, I had to learn to give myself the love I kept chasing from others.

That meant setting boundaries, even when it felt unnatural. It meant letting go of the need for external validation. And it meant understanding that being alone was not the same as being unworthy.

Once I did that, everything changed. Not overnight, but slowly and steadily. The more I valued myself, the less willing I was to accept anything less from others.

If you feel stuck in the same cycle, start there. Shift the focus back to yourself. Because when you truly believe you deserve better, you stop settling for less.

Taking back your power and living on your own terms

For a long time, I let other people define my worth. I believed love had to be earned, that suffering was just part of the deal, and that leaving meant failure.

But none of those beliefs were truly mine—they were things I had absorbed from past experiences, from society, from the fear of being alone.

When I finally stepped back, I realized something: The only way to break free wasn’t just to leave toxic relationships, but to take full responsibility for my life. Even for the parts that weren’t my fault.

Because when you take responsibility—not in a way that blames yourself, but in a way that acknowledges your own power—you stop waiting for someone else to save you. You stop seeing yourself as stuck. And you start making choices from a place of self-respect instead of fear.

If you’re feeling trapped in a cycle you can’t break, ask yourself: What beliefs am I holding onto that are keeping me here?

So much of what we accept as “normal” has been shaped by external expectations—family, culture, past relationships—but that doesn’t mean it has to define us.

Here’s what helped me move forward:

• Taking full responsibility for my healing—even when the pain wasn’t my fault.
• Questioning the beliefs that kept me stuck and choosing new ones that served me.
• Letting go of societal expectations and allowing myself to create my own path.
• Learning to sit with discomfort instead of running back to what was familiar.
• Prioritizing self-respect over the fear of being alone.

The truth is, breaking free isn’t just about ending a relationship—it’s about shifting your entire mindset. It’s about choosing yourself, over and over again, until it no longer feels like a choice but simply who you are.

And once you do that? You don’t just escape toxic relationships. You start living life on your own terms.