James Carter
We all know that social media only shows part of the story. But sometimes, it’s easy to forget that.
Some people seem so happy online—always smiling, always posting about their amazing lives. But behind the scenes, things aren’t always as perfect as they appear.
Struggling in silence is more common than we think. And often, there are subtle signs hidden in the way someone presents themselves online.
By paying attention to these behaviors, we can learn to see beyond the surface—and maybe even show a little more kindness and understanding to those who need it most.
Here are eight behaviors of people who seem happy online but are struggling in real life.
1) They post overly positive or inspirational content
We all love a good motivational quote or a happy life update. But sometimes, when someone is constantly posting about how great everything is, it can be a way of masking their struggles.
People who are genuinely happy don’t always feel the need to prove it. But those who are struggling may use overly positive posts as a way to convince themselves—and others—that everything is fine.
It’s not that positivity is bad. But when someone only shares the good and never acknowledges the struggles, it might be worth checking in on them.
Sometimes, the people who seem the happiest online are the ones feeling the most lost in real life.
2) They are always online but rarely engage in a real way
I used to be that person—the one who was always online, always posting, always scrolling. On the surface, it looked like I was just really active on social media. But in reality, I was struggling and using it as an escape.
I’d like and comment on posts, but I wouldn’t really engage in deep conversations. I avoided talking about how I was actually feeling and instead distracted myself by constantly refreshing my feed.
Looking back, I realize that being online all the time didn’t make me feel more connected—it actually made me feel lonelier.
And I’ve noticed that people who seem happy online but are struggling in real life often do the same thing. They’re always there, but never fully present.
3) They carefully curate their posts to look perfect
Some people don’t just post on social media—they craft an image. Every photo is edited, every caption is carefully worded, and every moment shared is the highlight reel of their life.
Studies have shown that the more time people spend editing and curating their posts, the more likely they are to feel disconnected from their real selves.
The pressure to appear perfect online can actually make people feel worse about themselves, creating a cycle where they seek validation through likes and comments while hiding how they truly feel.
It’s natural to want to present our best selves, but when someone’s feed looks too perfect, it might be a sign that they’re using social media to cover up deeper struggles.
4) They post excessively about their relationships
Love is meant to be shared, but sometimes, constant posts about a relationship can be more about appearances than reality.
People who are struggling in their personal lives may overcompensate by showcasing their relationship online—posting grand declarations of love, endless couple selfies, or exaggerated stories about how perfect things are.
In some cases, this can be a way to convince themselves (and others) that everything is fine. But true connection isn’t about proving anything to the world—it’s about what happens offline, away from the likes and comments.
5) They joke about their pain
Sometimes, the people who make us laugh the most are the ones hurting the most.
Humor can be a coping mechanism—a way to mask pain, deflect serious conversations, or make struggles feel more bearable. It’s why so many people turn their hardships into jokes, hoping that if they laugh about it, maybe it won’t hurt as much.
But pain doesn’t disappear just because it’s dressed up as a joke. And often, hidden beneath the sarcasm and funny posts are emotions that haven’t been fully expressed.
If someone constantly jokes about their struggles, it might be their way of reaching out without actually saying they need help. Sometimes, the kindest thing we can do is listen beyond the laughter.
6) They disappear for a while, then return as if nothing happened
There are times when social media feels too overwhelming, so stepping away seems like the only option. The notifications pile up, the pressure to engage becomes too much, and suddenly, disappearing feels easier than explaining.
Then, after days or weeks of silence, there’s a return—maybe with a casual post, maybe with something lighthearted, as if nothing ever happened. No mention of the absence, no explanation, just a quiet hope that no one noticed the gap.
But the truth is, these disappearances often mean something. They can signal exhaustion, emotional burnout, or just needing space to deal with things privately.
And while it’s okay to take breaks, when someone keeps vanishing and coming back without a word, it might be a sign they’re struggling more than they let on.
7) They seek validation through likes and comments
Everyone enjoys a little recognition, but for some, social media approval becomes more than just a confidence boost—it becomes a necessity.
People who are struggling in real life may rely on likes, comments, and shares to feel valued. They might post more frequently, fishing for reassurance, or even delete posts that don’t get enough engagement. Their sense of self-worth starts to depend on how others react online.
The problem is, validation from social media is fleeting. No number of likes can fill the emptiness that comes from feeling lost or unseen in real life.
And when someone seems overly fixated on online approval, it might be a sign they’re searching for something deeper—something that social media can never truly give.
8) They are always there for others but never open up themselves
Some of the kindest, most supportive people online are the ones who are struggling the most.
They’re always the first to comment something encouraging, to check in on others, to offer advice or a listening ear.
But when it comes to their own struggles, they stay silent. They don’t want to burden anyone, or maybe they don’t think anyone would truly understand.
So they keep giving, hoping that by helping others, they can ignore the weight of what they’re carrying themselves.
Bottom line: Not everything is as it seems
Social media has given us a way to stay connected, but it has also made it easier than ever to hide what we’re really feeling.
Just because someone looks happy online doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling in real life. Behind every perfect post, every joke, every carefully curated image, there could be a story we don’t see.
For many, social media becomes a place where they share everything—except what truly matters.
Maybe the most important thing we can do is look a little closer, listen a little more, and remind the people in our lives that they don’t have to pretend to be okay. Sometimes, just knowing that someone truly sees us can make all the difference.
