James Carter
If you’ve ever been ghosted, you know it’s not a pleasant feeling.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re always the one reaching out, you know it’s equally frustrating.
Welcome to the complexities of human interactions.
However, maintaining true friendships isn’t as simple as avoiding ghosting or constant reaching out.
In fact, our behaviors and mindsets play a crucial role in how well we can sustain these relationships.
It’s not an easy task for everyone. Some people struggle more than others. Usually, that’s because they display these 8 specific behaviors.
Now, this is the kind of insight you won’t get just anywhere.
It takes a deep understanding of the human mind and its intricate workings to pinpoint these behaviors and learn how to navigate them.
But don’t worry, that’s why I’m here.
To shed some light on these behaviors and hopefully help you build and maintain those lasting friendships we all crave.
1) Emotions are a rollercoaster
Who hasn’t experienced the whiplash of an emotional rollercoaster?
One moment you’re on cloud nine, and the next, you’re plummeting into depths of sadness or frustration. But hey, that’s just part of being human, right?
People who have a difficult time sustaining true friendships often experience these emotional highs and lows more intensely.
And not just their own emotions, but those of others as well.
They tend to absorb the feelings of those around them like a sponge, making it challenging for them to establish boundaries and maintain a stable emotional state.
In essence, their emotional world can become so overwhelming that it hinders their ability to build and sustain strong friendships.
But don’t get me wrong, having deep emotions isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
It’s about learning to manage them effectively and constructively, which is no easy task, but definitely achievable with mindfulness and understanding.
2) Struggling with trust
Trust me when I say, I’ve been there.
I used to have a habit of doubting everyone’s intentions. Every kind gesture was met with skepticism, every compliment was questioned.
It was like my mind had a one-track mission to find ulterior motives in even the smallest of actions.
It was exhausting, to say the least.
This lack of trust, as you can probably guess, made it incredibly difficult for me to sustain true friendships.
After all, how can you build a strong bond with someone if you’re constantly questioning their motives?
Over time, I realized that this behavior was more about my own insecurities than about other people’s actions.
I had to learn to trust not just others, but also myself and my ability to judge character.
Once I started working on that, friendships didn’t seem so complicated anymore.
3) Difficulty with vulnerability
Being vulnerable is like being on a tightrope.
On one side, there’s the risk of sharing too much too soon and overwhelming the other person.
On the other side, there’s the risk of not opening up at all, leading to superficial relationships.
Brene Brown, a renowned research professor, has spent years studying vulnerability and its impact on our lives.
She found that vulnerability is actually the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness.
People who struggle with maintaining true friendships often have a hard time being vulnerable. They might fear rejection or judgment, leading them to keep their walls up high.
To form deep and meaningful connections, one has to dare to be vulnerable.
It’s about embracing our imperfections and allowing others to see our authentic selves.
4) Frequent misunderstanding
Ever had one of those moments where you say something, but the other person takes it entirely the wrong way?
We’ve all been there. Miscommunications happen in every relationship. But for some, it’s a recurring theme.
People who often find themselves in misunderstandings can have a hard time sustaining true friendships.
These frequent miscommunications can lead to conflicts, hurt feelings, and eventually, the breaking down of the relationship.
The key here is active listening and clear communication.
It’s about ensuring that we’re not just hearing the words, but understanding the emotions and intentions behind them as well.
It’s also about expressing our thoughts and feelings in a way that leaves no room for misinterpretation.
5) Consistency isn’t my strong suit
I’ll admit it: I’m not the most consistent person.
Sure, there are areas in my life where I maintain a steady rhythm.
But when it comes to friendships, consistency hasn’t always been my strong suit.
I have a tendency to be all in one moment, then suddenly disappear the next.
It’s not intentional, and it’s definitely not because I don’t value my friends.
It’s just that life gets in the way, or I get caught up in my own world and forget to reach out.
It’s something I’ve been actively working on because I’ve realized how essential consistency is in maintaining strong friendships.
People who struggle with sustaining true friendships often display inconsistent behaviors. They might be present and engaged one moment, then distant the next.
This lack of consistency can create insecurity and instability in the relationship, making it difficult for a true friendship to flourish.
6) Over-giving is a thing
At first glance, being generous and always willing to lend a hand seems like a wonderful trait, right?
Well, like most things in life, too much of a good thing can become detrimental.
People who constantly give and give, often at the expense of their own needs, can actually struggle with sustaining true friendships.
It may seem odd, but over-giving can lead to an imbalance in the relationship, making it feel one-sided.
Instead of fostering a bond of mutual respect and support, it can create a dynamic where one person is always the giver and the other is always the receiver.
This not only exhausts the giver but can also make the receiver feel uncomfortable or indebted.
The key here is to find a balance.
It’s about understanding that a true friendship is built on mutual give-and-take, where both parties feel valued and supported.
7) Difficulty accepting differences
We’re all unique in our own ways. We have different interests, beliefs, values, and ways of doing things.
For some, these differences can be a source of fascination, an opportunity to learn and grow. For others, differences can be a source of discomfort or even conflict.
People who struggle with sustaining true friendships often have a hard time accepting differences.
They may feel threatened or judged when someone doesn’t agree with their views or does things differently than they do.
True friendships aren’t about finding someone who is exactly like us.
It’s about appreciating each other’s uniqueness and learning how to respect and accept our differences.
After all, it’s these differences that add flavor and depth to our relationships.
8) Avoidance of conflict
Conflict is often seen as something negative, something to be avoided at all costs.
But believe it or not, conflict can actually be a catalyst for growth and deeper understanding in a relationship.
People who shy away from conflict, who sweep issues under the rug instead of addressing them head-on, can find it challenging to sustain true friendships.
Avoiding conflict might seem like the easier route, but it only leads to unresolved issues and resentment building up over time.
The reality is, no relationship is without conflict. It’s how we handle these conflicts that determines the strength and longevity of our friendships.
It’s about having the courage to express our feelings, even if it’s uncomfortable, and then working together to find a resolution.
Understanding our own behaviors
If you’ve journeyed with me this far, it’s my hope that you’ve gleaned some insights into the behaviors that can make sustaining true friendships a challenge.
Acknowledging these behaviors isn’t about self-blame or criticism. It’s about self-awareness and understanding.
As Carl Jung, a renowned psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, once said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Let’s take these insights and use them as stepping stones towards building and maintaining the true friendships we all desire and deserve.
Because at the end of the day, it’s not just about being a good friend to others, but also about being a good friend to ourselves.
