7 behaviors of people who are only tolerable in small doses, according to psychology

Some people are great—in small doses.

You know the type. At first, they seem charming, funny, or even insightful. But spend too much time with them, and suddenly, they drain your energy or test your patience.

As someone passionate about mindfulness and human behavior, I’ve always been fascinated by what makes certain personalities harder to be around for long periods.

And according to psychology, there are specific behaviors that make people more tolerable in short bursts—but exhausting over time.

In this article, I’ll break down seven of these behaviors so you can recognize them in others (or maybe even yourself). Let’s dive in.

1) They always make it about themselves

We all know someone who somehow turns every conversation back to themselves.

You could be sharing a personal struggle, an exciting achievement, or even just talking about your day—yet, within seconds, they’ve hijacked the discussion with their own experiences.

At first, it might seem harmless. After all, they’re just sharing, right?

But over time, it becomes clear that they’re not really listening. They’re just waiting for their turn to talk.

Psychologists call this conversational narcissism—a tendency to dominate discussions and steer them toward oneself. And while it’s not always intentional, it can be exhausting to deal with for long periods.

People appreciate feeling heard and understood.

So when someone constantly shifts attention back to themselves, it creates an imbalance in the relationship—making them more tolerable in small doses rather than as a constant presence.

2) They drain your energy with constant negativity

We all have bad days, and sometimes we just need to vent.

But some people seem to live in a permanent state of complaint—constantly pointing out what’s wrong with the world, their life, or even the smallest inconveniences.

I once had a coworker like this. Every conversation with him turned into a rant about how unfair everything was—his workload, the company, even the weather.

At first, I tried to be understanding. After all, we all need to blow off steam sometimes.

But after a while, I noticed that after every interaction with him, I felt drained. His negativity was contagious, and it started affecting my own mood.

Psychologists refer to this as emotional contagion—the phenomenon where one person’s emotions influence those around them. And when someone is constantly negative, it can bring down the energy of an entire room.

Of course, we should support our friends through tough times.

But when someone’s negativity becomes a permanent state of mind rather than an occasional venting session, they become far easier to handle in small doses.

3) They always have to one-up you

Ever share a story, only to have someone immediately jump in with a bigger, better, or more dramatic version of their own?

You tell them about a great vacation you just took—suddenly, they’re talking about the time they traveled twice as far for half the price.

You mention how you’ve been working hard at the gym—now they’re telling you about the time they lost 20 pounds in a month.

At first, it might seem like they’re just trying to relate. But over time, it becomes clear: they’re not listening to connect, they’re listening to compete.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I talk about how ego often drives this kind of behavior.

We all want to feel important, but when someone constantly turns every conversation into a competition, it creates distance rather than connection.

True confidence doesn’t come from outshining others—it comes from being secure enough to let others shine too.

Psychologists call this need to one-up others status-seeking behavior—a tendency rooted in insecurity rather than actual confidence.

And while ambition can be healthy, people who always have to prove they’re “better” can be exhausting to be around for long periods.

4) They dominate conversations but never ask about you

Good conversations are a two-way street.

But some people seem to treat them like a personal monologue—talking endlessly about their own thoughts, opinions, and experiences without ever showing genuine curiosity about the other person.

This behavior can be particularly frustrating because, as humans, we’re wired to crave connection.

Studies show that when people feel heard and understood, they experience higher levels of emotional well-being and satisfaction in relationships.

But when someone constantly talks without listening, it creates an emotional imbalance—making interactions with them feel draining rather than fulfilling.

If you want to spot this behavior early, pay attention to how often someone asks follow-up questions.

According to Harvard research, people who ask thoughtful questions are perceived as more likable and engaging. On the other hand, those who never inquire about others tend to be seen as self-absorbed—and are often best enjoyed in small doses.

As Daniel Goleman, the psychologist who popularized emotional intelligence, once said:
“Empathy and social skills are social intelligence, the interpersonal part of emotional intelligence. That’s why they look alike.”

5) They’re too agreeable

At first, it might seem like having someone agree with everything you say would be a good thing. After all, conflict can be exhausting, and it’s nice to feel validated.

But here’s the catch—when someone never challenges you, conversations start to feel shallow. Instead of engaging in meaningful discussions or offering fresh perspectives, they just nod along and tell you what they think you want to hear.

While being agreeable is generally seen as a positive quality, research shows that people who avoid expressing their true thoughts and opinions often struggle with authenticity in relationships.

And over time, this can make interactions with them feel… well, kind of boring.

Genuine relationships thrive on honest dialogue. We grow through constructive disagreements and new perspectives—not just hearing our own thoughts echoed back at us.

So while agreeable people may be easy to get along with in small doses, their lack of depth can make long-term connections feel unfulfilling.

As Carl Jung once put it: “A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them.”

6) They humblebrag (and think you don’t notice)

We all appreciate confidence, but there’s something uniquely irritating about a humblebrag—when someone disguises self-promotion as a complaint or false modesty.

It sounds like this:

“Ugh, I barely studied for that test and still got the highest score.”

“I’m so exhausted from all the job offers I’ve been getting lately.”

“I hate how people always assume I’m in charge just because I have such strong leadership skills.”

At first, it might seem subtle. But over time, humblebragging becomes grating because it feels disingenuous.

Research from Harvard Business School found that people who humblebrag are actually less likable than those who just outright brag.

Why? Because we value authenticity more than forced humility.

Psychologists suggest that humblebragging stems from a desire to boost one’s social status while avoiding the negative perception of arrogance. Ironically, it often backfires—making the person seem insincere rather than impressive.

If you want people to respect your achievements, honesty works better than false modesty.

As Brené Brown, a leading psychologist on vulnerability and authenticity, once said: “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

7) They give unsolicited advice (but never take any)

Some people just can’t help themselves. The moment you share a problem, they jump in with advice—whether you asked for it or not.

It doesn’t matter if you just needed to vent or were already working through a solution on your own. They assume they know best and feel compelled to tell you exactly what you should do.

But here’s the irony: when the roles are reversed and they need guidance, they rarely listen. Suddenly, their situation is “different,” their struggles are “more complicated,” and your advice somehow doesn’t apply.

Psychologists call this the illusion of superiority, a cognitive bias where people overestimate their own wisdom while undervaluing input from others. Studies show that those who frequently give unsolicited advice often do so not to help, but to assert control or feel important.

Of course, guidance can be valuable—but only when it’s invited. Nobody enjoys feeling like their experiences are being “fixed” rather than understood. And when someone refuses to take the same advice they dish out? That’s when they become far more tolerable in small doses.

As psychologist Stephen R. Covey once said: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

Bottom line: Awareness is everything

The people we spend time with shape our energy, emotions, and overall well-being. Some bring out the best in us, while others—no matter how well-intentioned—can be draining in large doses.

Recognizing these behaviors isn’t about labeling people as “bad” or cutting them off completely. It’s about understanding your own limits and protecting your mental space.

If certain behaviors exhaust you, it’s worth asking: do I ever exhibit these tendencies myself?

At the end of the day, relationships thrive on balance—between speaking and listening, giving and receiving, engaging and stepping back.

The more mindful we become of these dynamics, the better we can foster meaningful connections while maintaining our own peace of mind.