Eliza Hartley
No parent sets out to raise a miserable, joyless child.
But sometimes, without realizing it, certain behaviors can drain the happiness from a child’s life.
Parenting is tough, and we all make mistakes.
However, some patterns—when repeated over time—can shape a child’s mindset in ways that lead to insecurity, anxiety, or a lack of fulfillment.
Raising a happy, resilient child is about being aware and, when we recognize the behaviors that steal joy from our kids, we have the power to change them.
Here are seven common parenting behaviors that can lead to unhappy children—and what to do instead:
1) Criticizing more than encouraging
Kids thrive on encouragement—they look to their parents for validation, support, and a sense of self-worth.
But when criticism outweighs encouragement, it can chip away at their confidence.
Of course, every child needs guidance.
But constantly pointing out what they’re doing wrong—without recognizing what they’re doing right—can make them feel like they’re never good enough.
A child who grows up feeling criticized more than supported may struggle with self-doubt, anxiety, and a fear of failure.
Instead of exploring the world with curiosity and confidence, they become hesitant and insecure.
The fix? Shift the balance.
Correct when necessary, but don’t forget to acknowledge their efforts, strengths, and progress.
A little encouragement goes a long way in shaping a child’s sense of joy and self-belief.
2) Controlling every decision
I used to think that being a good parent meant making the best choices for my child—what they wore, what they ate, who they played with, and how they spent their time.
I thought I was guiding them in the right direction.
But over time, I noticed something troubling.
My child became hesitant, always looking to me for approval before making even the smallest decisions.
When faced with choices, they’d freeze up, afraid of getting it “wrong.”
That’s when I realized: by controlling everything, I wasn’t protecting them—I was robbing them of the confidence to trust themselves.
Children need structure and guidance, but they also need room to make choices, take risks, and learn from their mistakes.
When parents micromanage every aspect of their child’s life, it can leave them feeling powerless and unsure of their own judgment.
So I started letting go—little by little.
Letting them pick out their own clothes (even if they didn’t match), choose their own hobbies, and make age-appropriate decisions—the change was incredible!
They started to trust themselves more, smile more, and step into their own independence with joy.
3) Dismissing their emotions
When a child is upset, it can be tempting to say, “You’re overreacting,” or “It’s not a big deal.”
But to them, it is a big deal.
When their feelings are constantly dismissed, they start to believe that their emotions don’t matter.
Studies show that children who grow up with emotionally dismissive parents often struggle with emotional regulation later in life.
They may suppress their feelings, have difficulty expressing themselves, or even develop anxiety and depression.
Every child needs to learn how to manage emotions, but that starts with feeling safe to express them in the first place.
Instead of brushing off their feelings, try acknowledging them: “I can see you’re really upset right now. Do you want to talk about it?”
This simple shift makes a huge difference in helping kids feel understood and valued.
4) Setting unrealistically high expectations
There’s nothing wrong with wanting the best for your child.
But when expectations are set too high—without room for mistakes or growth—it can create constant pressure and fear of failure.
Children who feel they must always be the best at everything often develop perfectionist tendencies.
They tie their self-worth to achievements, believing that love and approval are only given when they succeed.
Over time, this can lead to stress, burnout, and a deep fear of disappointing others.
Instead of focusing only on results, try celebrating effort and progress.
Let them know that it’s okay to fail, as long as they keep trying.
When children feel supported no matter the outcome, they develop resilience—and find joy in learning, rather than just in winning.
5) Making love feel conditional
A child should never have to earn love.
But when affection and approval are only given when they behave a certain way or meet certain expectations, they start to believe that love is something they have to work for.
This can look like withdrawing warmth when they make a mistake, only praising them when they achieve something impressive, or using guilt to control their actions.
Over time, they learn that they must suppress parts of themselves to be accepted—and that’s exhausting.
It creates a deep fear of rejection and makes it hard to trust relationships—even later in life.
Instead of making love feel transactional, show them that they are valued for who they are, not just for what they do.
A child who feels unconditionally loved grows up with a sense of security that allows them to experience true joy.
6) Never apologizing
Parents aren’t perfect—we all make mistakes.
But when a parent refuses to apologize, it teaches a child that admitting fault is a sign of weakness rather than growth.
Children are incredibly observant.
If they see that mistakes are always brushed aside or justified, they may struggle to take responsibility for their own actions.
Worse, they might feel that their feelings don’t matter if an adult can hurt them without ever acknowledging it.
A simple “I’m sorry I raised my voice. I was frustrated, but that wasn’t fair to you.” can go a long way.
It shows children that everyone makes mistakes—and that real strength comes from owning up to them and making things right.
7) Not showing affection
Children don’t just want love—they need it.
Not just in words, but in actions.
A lack of physical affection, warm gestures, or simple moments of connection can leave a child feeling emotionally starved, even if all their other needs are met.
Hugs, kind words, a gentle touch on the shoulder—these small acts create a deep sense of security.
They let a child know they are safe, valued, and loved just as they are.
Without them, they may grow up feeling distant, disconnected, or unsure of their own worth.
Love should never be assumed. It needs to be shown, over and over again.
Childhood shapes everything
The way a child experiences love, discipline, and emotional connection in their early years doesn’t just shape their childhood—it shapes their entire life.
Research shows that the emotional environment a child grows up in influences their self-esteem, relationships, and even how they handle stress as adults.
The patterns they learn from their parents become the foundation for how they see themselves and the world around them.
A child who feels controlled may struggle to trust their own decisions, and a child who doesn’t experience warmth may have difficulty forming deep connections later in life.
But awareness brings change.
The smallest shifts—a little more encouragement, a genuine apology, an extra moment of affection—can make all the difference.
Because at the heart of it all, every child just wants to feel seen, accepted, and loved for exactly who they are.
