Roselle Umlas
If you’ve ever been in a relationship long enough for the honeymoon stage to wear off, you’re probably familiar with what so often happens next – boredom.
Boredom isn’t exactly a dealbreaker, and it definitely isn’t a good enough reason to dump your SO. It’s quite common, even with couples who love each other deeply.
That said, some lucky ones do manage to beat the odds, simply because they’re smart enough to practice certain daily habits that keep the spark alive.
So, it isn’t really a matter of luck, when you think about it. It’s a matter of effort.
If you want to follow in their footsteps, here are 7 daily habits of couples who never get bored with each other.
1) They notice what their partner is doing right
How do you keep your partner feeling good day in and day out? It’s pretty simple – pay them a compliment!
It could be a really tiny thing, like maybe you like the way they styled their hair today. Or how you appreciate that they dropped by the store to pick up some milk.
Why does this matter a lot? Because, according to psychologists, taking each other for granted is the one thing successful couples never do.
Lack of appreciation is the quickest way to turn a relationship from sweet to not just humdrum, but downright sour.
Noticing the positives shows that you’re paying attention and appreciating their efforts. It’s a small gesture that can keep things fresh. After all, who doesn’t love feeling valued and seen by the person they care most about?
2) They respond to each other’s “bids” to connect
Speaking of being seen, another daily habit that couples who never get bored with each other do is to respond to each other’s “bids”.
According to psychologist John Gottman, bids are “the fundamental unit of emotional communication.”
And they’re not always verbal or obvious. They can be non-verbal, too, like for example, your partner squeezing your hand. Or it could be a funny or sexual gesture. Basically, it’s any attempt or request to connect with you.
Couples who never get bored with each other are that way because they are alert and responsive.
As Gottman said after observing couples who were still happily married, “Maybe the important thing is how these people pay attention to each other, no matter what they’re talking about or doing.”
3) They dish out affection daily
I’m not just talking about a robust sex life here. More to the point, it’s about the non-sexual types of affection, like holding hands, hugging, kissing, and all that.
Why is this so important in staving off boredom?
Because physical affection brings with it a whole host of feel-good chemicals, such as oxytocin (the “bonding” hormone), dopamine, and serotonin. And at the same time, it lowers the release of stress hormones.
I mean, it’s hard to get bored if you’re getting a daily dose of this goodness, isn’t it?
But not only that, affection also serves as a thermometer to gauge your partner’s level of interest and investment. In fact,one study found affection to be one of the four factors that predict a couple’s longevity.
When you have proof day in and day out of your partner’s emotional investment in your relationship, it feels so much more fun to go through life with them.
This brings me to the next point…
4) They get playful and laugh together
Every time I see couples pranking each other or just laughing together, I immediately think that they have a huge advantage – their relationship is never boring!
My husband and I do the same thing, and I can say that it’s a big reason why we truly enjoy each other’s company, even after decades of being married. A lot of silliness goes on in our household, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
According to the Greater Good Magazine, playfulness serves a deeper function beyond entertainment. Kira M. Newman writes, “Play can bring us a sense of security, offer a way to communicate, and even help us resolve conflicts.”
So let that silly side of yours loose, and not only will it be so much fun, your relationship will actually be much healthier for it.
5) They do at least one nice thing for each other
This one can be hard to pull on the daily, especially if you’ve got a busy life and too many responsibilities.
But it’s worth the investment because it’s all in aid of connection. Even when he’s got a packed schedule, for example, my husband manages to make me coffee in the mornings. In return, I like putting together a snack for him to enjoy once he gets home.
The point is, when it comes to relationships, it’s the little things that matter most. In fact, an interesting survey of over 5,000 participants found that small acts of kindness were actually more valued than gifts.
Remember that old saying, “An idle mind is the devil’s pIayground”? So yeah, it’s easier to avoid feeling bored when you’re preoccupied with thinking of ways to be kind to your partner.
6) They do at least one thing together
For some couples, this could be a short walk after dinner. For others, it could be answering a crossword puzzle or watching a favorite show together.
And when they feel that things are getting boring, they try out new things together. All phones set aside, of course.
The simple truth is that quality time is the currency of relationships; how you spend it really matters. Without it, there’s no way to make new memories, and that’s a surefire path to boredom.
Doing at least one thing together, no matter how busy you are, keeps your connection and sense of partnership strong. It keeps your relationship dynamic and exciting.
That said…
7) They also do their own thing
Just because you’re part of a couple and you need to spend time together doesn’t mean you need to do everything together.
You see, having your own thing is also healthy. According to the folks at Grace Therapy & Wellness, “Personal space is an essential component of any healthy relationship. It allows individuals to maintain their independence, nurture their individuality, and develop a sense of self-worth.”
I can’t imagine my life without my alone time. I think I’d have been long bored if my husband and I spent every waking minute together!
There’s something to be said about coming apart and doing your own thing separately – it gives us the chance to miss each other.
Couples who never get bored with each other have mastered that delicate balance between togetherness and individuality. They know that to keep things interesting, they have to be growing, both separately and together.
Final thoughts
Does all of this sound like a lot of effort? It might seem so, but honestly, that’s what healthy, exciting relationships require.
But it’s the kind of effort that pays off in profound and fulfilling ways. The more you put in, the greater the returns.
I think it’s well worth the investment. After all, as psychotherapist Esther Perel says, “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.”
