We all make mistakes and treat each other in ways we regret.
But what crosses the line too far to ever go back?
When should you fully cut someone out of your life and say goodbye for good?
Here’s my list.
11 important reasons to cut someone out of your life
1) They threaten your basic survival and wellbeing
If somebody is challenging your basic right to survive and thrive then it can be necessary to tell them goodbye.
What does this mean?
For example, if a landlord has been constantly raising costs on you and lying about the price of utilities, it could be time to break your contract and leave.
In a personal example, if you have a friend who is getting in trouble with the law and has been bringing dangerous people around your apartment then it could be time to at least take a break.
We can’t choose what others do with their lives, nor can we force them to make the choices we think are best.
If somebody in your life is literally putting you in danger or making your life significantly dragged down by problems which are not your own, then it can be high time to pull the plug.
2) They cause you to lose your job or relationship
Another of the lines that shouldn’t be crossed is getting someone fired or dumped.
Where exactly you draw the line is ultimately up to you in this regard.
Is it one nasty rumor that a friend or coworker spreads about you that sinks your personal or professional life? Or would it take more than that for you to cut someone out of your life?
That boundary is something you have to establish and stick to, but for me it is when somebody doesn’t respect you enough to respect your work or relationships.
After all, these are two fundamental parts of what make us tick in this world, and if people make it clear they don’t care, then just how much do they care about you?
Anybody who’s sabotaging your work or love life is somebody you should think seriously about cutting out of your life for good.
3) They defraud you in order to get money
Money is just money, but it also gives you a lot of freedom in this world.
When somebody tries to take your money from you by deception, they have fundamentally disrespected and aggressed against you.
It’s that simple.
Sadly, one of the most common types who tries to defraud people of their money are spiritual gurus.
They promise true happiness and a future of everything you ever dreamed about if you just “raise your vibrations” and “integrate” your trauma…
Or touch the right kind of crystals with the right incantations.
Spoiler: it’s bullsh*t.
And these kinds of fraudsters are people you should cut out of your life, as well as all other fraudsters.
But please remember to be polite to telemarketers. They’re just doing a job they’re paid to do by unscrupulous companies.
4) They try to force you to do dangerous things
You will notice so far on this list that I have focused on the actions people do which should lead to you cutting them out of your life.
That’s because people show you who they are and how they regard you through their actions more than their words.
That’s why this following point is so crucial…
Another of the important reasons to cut someone out of your life is if they try to force you to do dangerous things you don’t want to do:
- Risky substances
- Reckless driving
- Unsafe sexual practices
- Committing crimes
- Joining cults
- Assaulting or harassing people
The truth is that usually we’re only vulnerable to this sort of pressure if we feel insecure or crave approval from others.
That’s why addressing it involves more than just cutting this person out of your life, it requires building yourself into a person who stands up for themselves.
Into a person who’s in touch with their personal power.
All of us have way more power than we realize but have been conditioned by family, society and our peers into thinking that we are just cogs in the machine.
Sadly, many of our jobs and economic models also teach that to us as well.
But it doesn’t have to be this way: you can find your personal power and thrive.
I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. He’s helped thousands of people align work, family, spirituality, and love so they can unlock the door to their personal power.
He has a unique approach that combines traditional ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist. It’s an approach that uses nothing but your own inner strength – no gimmicks or fake claims of empowerment.
Because true empowerment needs to come from within.
In his excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can create the life you’ve always dreamed of and increase attraction in your partners, and it’s easier than you might think.
So if you’re tired of living in frustration or having people push you to do what you don’t want to do and going along with it, you need to check out his life-changing advice.
5) They harm your family or loved ones
Anybody who harms your family or loved ones is not somebody you should give the time of day to ever again.
If the buck stops anywhere, it stops here.
Jesus said to forgive your enemies, and I like the sound of that. The principle, however, isn’t always so neat.
When somebody harms your family or loved ones, it’s rarely just a one-time thing.
Think of an abusive individual who’s married to your sibling, for example.
You can only forgive up to a certain point before you become an accomplice in the abuse which is occurring against your loved one.
At a certain point you not only have to cut the aggressor out of your life, but possibly also cut them out of your family and environs altogether by involving law enforcement or a very stern talking to.
As for what defines harm? That’s also a line you will have to draw. For me physical or sexual harm is certainly a clear line.
But psychological and emotional harm is also well worth considering. There’s a certain point at which behavior harming you or your loved ones is just dragging everyone’s life backwards.
6) They lie to you frequently about important matters
Dishonesty is present in many forms in our daily lives and also in major forms such as in the mainstream media.
Perhaps that’s part of why so many people have cut that out of their lives as well.
On the individual level, serious dishonesty causes big issues and if left unchallenged it can fester and grow into an epidemic.
The list of examples is long. From romance to career, untruth leaves a scar and turns everything solid into shifting sands.
You no longer know the next step you should take because you don’t know who you can trust.
Are the facts you’re being told at work even true and can you rely on them?
Is your partner cheating on you again or are they telling the truth this time like they swear they are?
Repeat dishonesty is not something that can really be negotiated with and if it’s coming up too often in somebody you know, it’s time to cut that person out of your life if possible, or at least reduce their footprint in your life.
7) They lock you in codependency
Codependency is an unhealthy attachment that occurs often in romantic relationships but also in friendships, family relationships and work environments.
What it means is basically that two people link up in a way that brings out the worst in each of them.
Despite the connection being unhealthy, it reinforces bad habits that are satisfying to both of these people psychologically.
For example, a codependent couple may fall into a “victim” and “savior” pattern, or an avoidant and anxious pattern, chasing each other endlessly and reinforcing toxic tendencies.
Codependency is tough, because it’s two-sided.
You could have an anxious attachment style but if your partner isn’t avoidant then it doesn’t really become codependency, it becomes more of a one-sided chase for affirmation (and usually ends in a breakup in short order).
But if you are finding someone dragging you into codependency it’s a good reason to take a break from them and consider cutting them off.
If not permanently, at least taking time apart to figure out how you can become more whole in yourself before joining your life to somebody else’s.
8) They encourage your addictions and vices
The choices we make are our own, but it’s always good to know that those around us have our best interests at heart.
Unfortunately that’s not always true by any means.
I always think about an old friend and roommate who was in a long-term relationship with a very nice-looking and polite young lady with blond curls and sweet face.
She looked like she was from the 1950s and I always found her friendly and charming.
He seemed zonked out a lot when we hung out, but I figured he must just be working hard at the nightclub where he was employed as a bouncer.
Then he broke up with her and got even more zonked out until one night our other roommate started shouting and I heard his car pull out of the garage at top speed.
He almost died of a cocaine overdose that night.
Now his behavior made more sense in retrospect. He must have got in with the wrong crowd and started doing it at the nightclub. I wondered about his girlfriend and how she was taking his addiction issues and the OD.
I asked our mutual friend and he looked shocked.
“Dude, she’s the one who got him into it and kept getting him to use and have benders and sh*t.”
Trusting the wrong person close to you can cost you your life.
Be very careful about who you trust by your side and whispering in your ear, because if they’re encouraging bad habits and vices then they are not somebody you should have in your life.
9) They show you who they are (and it’s toxic and distressing)
Maya Angelou famously said that when somebody shows you who they are you should believe them.
Her point was that you should respect yourself enough to cut abusers and horrible people out of your life.
Don’t keep giving endless second chances to those who don’t deserve it.
If somebody shows you that they dislike you, disrespect you or have no time for you on a consistent basis, take them at their word.
If somebody never answers your texts or seems uninterested in you, return the favor right back.
Don’t waste your time and energy chasing rainbows that never have any pot of gold at the end.
“Whether it was a toxic friendship, romantic relationship or a toxic family member, I realized that the best thing to do was to just walk away.
“If I couldn’t walk away physically, I could walk away emotionally by accepting who this person had revealed themselves to be.”
10) They expect you to fix their life for them and provide for them
As kids we are provided for and hopefully have people looking out for us and feeding us.
But as we age out of adolescence and into adulthood, we begin to take more responsibility for our own survival and earning a living.
One of the most important reasons to cut someone out of your life is if they demand that you let them feed off you their whole life.
These are crazy times economically and inflation is affecting a lot of people as well as the rapidly shifting nature of work.
But that doesn’t mean you or anybody else has a responsibility to feed and clothe someone else once they’re no longer at a young age.
And if you’re finding that you yourself keep leaning back on others to support and care for your basic needs, it’s also time for a reality check.
What is holding you back from taking full responsibility for your life?
And how can you overcome this feeling of being “stuck in a rut”?
Well, you need more than just willpower, that’s for sure.
I learned about this from Life Journal, created by the highly-successful life coach and teacher Jeanette Brown.
You see, willpower only takes us so far…the key to transforming your life into something you’re passionate and enthusiastic about takes perseverance, a shift in mindset, and effective goal setting.
And while this might sound like a mighty task to undertake, thanks to Jeanette’s guidance, it’s been easier to do than I could have ever imagined.
Now, you may wonder what makes Jeanette’s course different from all the other personal development programs out there.
It all comes down to one thing:
Jeanette isn’t interested in being your life coach.
Instead, she wants YOU to take the reins in creating the life you’ve always dreamt of having.
So if you’re ready to stop dreaming and start living your best life, a life created on your terms, one which fulfills and satisfies you, don’t hesitate to check out Life Journal.
11) They’re addicted to the victim mentality and demand you buy into it
The victim mentality is corrosive and awful. It makes you weaker and it’s like a pair of sunglasses you put on that get glued to your head.
Everything looks different and you can’t see it any other way anymore.
You’re the victim, you really are. Anyone who doesn’t see it is just victimizing you even more by not recognizing that you’re a victim.
If you have somebody like this in your life, try to minimize your close contact with them.
Listening to them vent may be the price of loving them or caring about them, but if they are also demanding you feed into their victim complex that’s when you can’t continue in good conscience.
“Where a healthy person experiences an injury or a setback, susses out their role in the situation, and then identifies the piece of it they can work on, a toxic person immediately shifts into self-pitying, woe-is-me mode.”
Don’t encourage this in someone you know, for their own good as much as yours.
It doesn’t go anywhere good.
Vaya con dios
Cutting someone out of your life is a big step and it’s not something any of us really want to do.
Think of it more gradually as lessening your time around someone and de-prioritizing them.
Try to figure out where your own life is headed instead, and let those who are draining your energy and tackling you off track follow their own path.
Maybe you’ll meet them down the road once they’ve taken a few more twists, but for now these are not the kind of people you need to spend time with.
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