He’s told you that he likes you—loves you, even—but he’s still not willing to commit.
You were cool with it at first, but then it got a little, well… painful. And now you’re wondering if you should wait a bit more or move on.
I will be direct and say it loud and clear: Cut him off.
In this article, I listed 10 reasons why you should definitely leave a guy if you want to commit but he doesn’t.
1) Your time is precious
I know what you’re thinking.
You’re thinking…” well, no one else has come along anyway. So might as well be with him while I wait for the right one.”
Or “But I love him! No time I spend with him is wasted.”
But while reasons such as these are valid, they’re also not the wisest. Especially so if you’ve been together for a long time already.
Listen. It might feel like you have all the time in the world right now, but time is a very limited resource. It’s precious. Don’t waste it chasing after the wrong guy.
Every second that you invest in a dead-end pseudo-relationship is wasted time.
And yes, this is even when you’re enjoying yourself. After all, that is time you could have spent looking for the right guy or working on yourself.
Besides, the right person will come—trust me. And you’re better off investing your precious seconds in yourself so that when you finally meet him, you’re ready.
2) You will keep feeling inadequate
If you insist on being with someone who CLEARLY doesn’t want to get into a relationship with you, then you’ll always feel like there’s something wrong with you.
In fact, it’s possible you’re already suffering from low self-esteem right now.
Perhaps you’re staying because you’re afraid no one better will come along (of course, that’s not true).
Or perhaps you spend so much time and money on your looks so he’ll finally want to commit to you (he won’t).
The non-relationship situation is distorting how you see yourself. It’s making you wonder if there’s something wrong with you—with how you look, how you think…if your breath stinks.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you…well, except that you’re staying with the wrong guy.
Get out now, you precious thing. Get out before it’s impossible to recover.
3) It’s not your job to guide a “lost” guy
So let’s say that he’s telling the truth—that he really loves you but just can’t commit because he’s still trying to find himself or something.
It could be because he’s still working on his career, or he still wants to date around, or he still wants to find himself.
Then, the best thing to do is leave him alone.
He’s not your project.
You don’t want to be the one to lead him to the path he wants. And honestly, you can’t. He’s the only one who can figure out his life.
Instead of focusing on him, focus on yourself.
And what if he ends up not figuring out his life ever? It’s possible. Or what if he figures out his life but then ends up with another woman instead?
Don’t wait for a guy to be ready.
Because anyway, if he really loves you, he’ll come back once he’s indeed ready. But until then…go live your life without him in the equation.
4) It’s the only way to rebuild yourself
This is basic knowledge. In order for you to become a better version of yourself, you have to get rid of the things that are holding you down.
I’m telling you this based on my experience.
I was in a dead-end relationship. I thought that I could just shrug it off while I try to improve other aspects of my life. But no matter how hard I tried, I was stuck in the same place!
It wasn’t until I broke up with my ex that I saw my life change dramatically—from my career to my health. What’s interesting is that I met my soulmate just a month after I broke it off with my ex.
What helped me was that I finally said “enough is enough” and asked for help. During that time, I was introduced to a shaman named Rudá Iandê.
Unlike other gurus out there who just talk about cliché stuff, he’s actually very sensible. I like his badass approach to how to achieve total life transformation.
So first, definitely let go of this guy.
And once that’s done, I advise you to get guidance from Rudá.
If you want to get a preview of the teachings of Ruda, check out this excellent free video. Here, he explains some radical methods to achieve what you truly want in life.
5) You’ll become bitter if you stay longer
Let’s be fair here. He’s not automatically an assh*le if he can’t commit. In the same way, you’re not “needy” if you want to commit. You just don’t match.
However, if you stay longer, you’ll start to resent him…and because of this, you’ll start to view love and men differently.
You’ll start to think that all men are “users” or “losers who can’t commit”—just wimps who can’t make up their minds.
You might even think dating (and love) is a total waste of time.
This is expected if you allow yourself to stay in a “relationship” that’s clearly not good for your well-being. All that pent-up frustrations and anger will boil to the surface and turn into one big blob of bitterness.
Love is beautiful, life is good, and humans are awesome.
Don’t allow yourself to marinate in bitterness. Get out while there’s still sunshine left in you.
6) You can’t beg for commitment
You shouldn’t have to ask for love and commitment. They must be given freely and willingly.
If he has told you over and over again that he doesn’t want to commit, then you’ll get nothing but misery from forcing him to.
Sure, you might have fun together for a while, but those same issues that kept him from committing will haunt you later.
And he’ll resent you for it too. You’ll get into fights and he’ll shout “I told you I don’t want a relationship!” or “I told you I’m not yet ready!”
When a guy isn’t ready, he simply isn’t ready.
Maybe he knows he doesn’t have the time and energy to keep up with a relationship, for example. Or perhaps he knows that the two of you simply aren’t going to work out, even if he can’t actually say why.
If you want to get together with a guy, he should be as willing and ready to be in a relationship as you are. Anything less is a recipe for heartbreak.
7) You’ll make him do the impossible
You can’t force a man to commit, this is true.
But there are cases where all you need to do is give him a little scare and… bam! He’s putty in your hands.
These are cases when he already wants to commit but is simply scared to make the jump.
Cutting him off will snap him off his fantasy that you’re always there forever and ever.
Sure, getting into a committed relationship with you might be a little scary—but you know what’s scarier than that? Losing you for good.
The more badly he wants you, the better this will work.
How do you do this?
Make him feel like a winner.
Make him feel like a million bucks simply by having you in his life. So that when you cut him off, he’ll definitely feel your absence.
The thing with men is that they’re unnecessarily complicated with commitment. They have a list of things they want out of their women before they commit.
But you don’t actually have to tick off all the items on their list. The important thing is that you make him feel like you’re the perfect woman for him.
This is something I learned from relationship expert Carlos Cavallo. For more insight into the way the male mind works, I suggest checking out his free video.
You’ll definitely learn a lot about men and commitment in just a short amount of time.
8) You’ll regain your self-confidence
Being with someone who makes it clear that they don’t want to commit to us can be gut-wrenching. I’m sure you agree or else you wouldn’t be reading this article.
As I mentioned earlier, this kind of set-up can damage your self-esteem, even if you’re the prettiest, smartest, richest girl in the ‘hood.
The more you’re staying with a guy who doesn’t want a relationship, the deeper the cut.
But once you break free from him, you’ll start to gain the confidence you once had. Or even make it better.
It might not seem like it at first—a part of you would think you’re single and ugly because you don’t have a guy—but that will soon be replaced with dignity and self-respect.
You’re awesome because you have the balls to walk away from something that’s clearly not good for you.
You’re awesome because you know you deserve better.
9) You’ll know how you really feel about him
Here’s something you probably don’t want to hear: you don’t love this guy, not really.
I mean, there could be other reasons why you’re staying with him.
Maybe you’re just attracted to something (or someone) you can’t have. You see it as a challenge that he’s not giving you exactly what you want, and so you want to prove to yourself that you’re good enough to change his mind.
And because of this, you might not see the real him.
He’s still a puzzle you want to solve.
Remove the “thrill of the chase”, and there’s a possibility he’s not really what you want in a partner, after all.
The only way to know if he’s really what you want is by detaching yourself from him and looking at him from afar.
Cutting him off will help you see things clearly.
10) It’s the first step to finding the love you deserve
Someone who isn’t willing to commit to you isn’t going to give you the love you deserve. It’s simply the way it is.
Think about how imbalanced your situation is.
Here you are, willing to give him all your love and attention. And him? He’s holding back.
No matter how happy he might make you right now, he simply isn’t giving back enough.
You might be fine with it now, but eventually, you’ll come to resent him…and yourself.
By cutting him off now, you’re setting yourself free.
Free to look for someone who can actually give back. Free to look for someone who you don’t have to “force” or “convince” to love you back.
Hells, you might even find someone who loves you so much you’ll slap yourself and wonder why you even wasted so much time with someone who didn’t deserve you!
Life is too short for a bad romance.
Trying to “convince” someone to love you when they clearly aren’t into it will only drag you into an unhappy relationship. And it’s not going to be healthy for either of you.
During this time, it also helps if you were to ask yourself exactly why you feel this way for him. You see, sometimes we cling to people because we have an insecurity or we view love differently.
For now, one thing is clear. You have to love yourself more than this guy.
And you start by doing the right thing right now: cut him off…and then start healing.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.