Couples who lose their spark and eventually break up usually adopt these 8 habits (without realizing it)

We all know that couples who seemed inseparable and rock solid yet somehow ended up drifting apart and calling it quits.

Unless you have a crystal ball, unfortunately it’s impossible to predict if a relationship will work out.

However, from my experience as a relationship expert, I’ve seen countless couples unknowingly fall into certain patterns, leading to them to eventually break up.

These behaviors aren’t always dramatic or overt; they’re usually small, everyday actions that, over time, can dim the spark between even the most passionate partners.

While I can’t predict your relationship future, I can share these patterns and habits with you to help you make better choices before it’s too late.

1) Lack of communication

Research shows that lack of communication is one of the biggest culprits behind a fading spark and a leading cause of divorce and relationship breakups.

As a relationship expert, I’ve seen how couples often slide into this habit without even realizing it. The daily “how was your day” conversations slowly start diminishing and before they know it, silence takes over.

Communication is the bedrock of any relationship. It’s how we understand our partners, their needs, their desires, and how we express our own.

When communication dwindles, misunderstandings start to creep in. Little issues become big problems and the spark that once held the couple together begins to flicker.

In my experience, I’ve seen many couples default to this habit of limited communication. They’re often so caught up in their own worlds that they fail to realize the damage they’re causing to their relationship.

This might sound scary but don’t worry. Awareness is the first step towards change. Recognizing this habit is already a big step in the right direction.

2) Taking each other for granted

The second habit I’ve noticed in couples who eventually break up is taking each other for granted.

This one hits close to home. I’ve been there, done that, and it’s not pretty.

When the novelty of a relationship wears off, it’s easy to slip into a comfort zone where you assume your partner will always be there, regardless of how you treat them.

But here’s the thing – love needs nurturing. It’s like a tender plant that needs watering and sunlight to survive and grow.

As the famous author, Stephen R. Covey once said, “Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important.” And in relationships, your partner should always be important.

When we take our partners for granted, we’re essentially saying that they’re not important enough to invest our time and effort in. And that’s when the spark starts to dim.

3) Codependency

Another habit that often sneaks up on couples is codependency.

Trust me, I’ve seen it, and I’ve lived it. It’s a tricky one because it often comes disguised as love.

You might think you’re just being supportive or caring, but there’s a fine line between healthy support and unhealthy dependency.

Codependency is when a person becomes so reliant on their partner that they lose their individuality. This leads to a power imbalance and can cause resentment and dissatisfaction in the relationship.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into this topic and provide tips on how to maintain a healthy balance in your relationship.

4) Too much togetherness

Now, this point might seem a bit counterintuitive but hear me out.

In my experience, couples who spend every waking moment together are just as likely to lose their spark as those who don’t communicate enough.

You see, just like individuals, relationships need breathing space too.

Being glued at the hip 24/7 might seem romantic at first, but it can actually lead to saturation and loss of individual identity over time.

What’s more, as psychology shows, spending too much time with your partner can lead you to neglect your own needs and wants, negatively affecting your wellbeing.

It’s a delicate balance. While it’s important to spend quality time together, it’s equally crucial to maintain your individual interests, hobbies, and friendships.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder sometimes. A little space can actually bring you closer by allowing you to miss each other and appreciate your partner more when you are together.

5) Neglecting the small things

Here’s something I’ve learned from my own journey and in dealing with countless couples – it’s the little things that count.

Couples who lose their spark often overlook the importance of small gestures.

They forget that a surprise note in the lunch box, a random hug, a spontaneous ‘I love you’ can work wonders in keeping the flame alive.

In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to forget these small tokens of affection. But these are the things that remind us of why we fell in love in the first place.

So, my advice to you is this – don’t neglect the small things. A little effort goes a long way in keeping your love alive and kicking.

6) Avoiding tough conversations

Let’s get real here. No relationship is all sunshine and rainbows. There are stormy days, and that’s okay.

Couples who lose their spark often have a habit of avoiding tough conversations. Whether it’s about financial issues, in-law problems, or dissatisfaction in the bedroom, ignoring these hard topics won’t make them disappear.

In fact, they’ll fester and grow bigger, creating a mountain of resentment and misunderstanding.

That’s why, author and inspirational speaker Simon Sinek claims that difficult discussions are necessary for growth in a relationship. He explains that they bring issues into the light where you can tackle them together.

7) Ignoring self-care

This is a habit I’ve been guilty of in the past, and I see it often in couples who lose their spark – ignoring self-care.

In the whirlwind of love, work, and life, it’s easy to neglect our own needs. But as the famous quote goes, “You cannot pour from an empty cup.”

If you’re not taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally, it will eventually reflect in your relationship. You might feel exhausted, irritable, and less affectionate, leading to a dulling of the relationship spark.

Make sure to prioritize self-care in your daily routine. Because a happier you will make for a happier relationship.

8) Holding onto past mistakes

Let’s talk about something we all do but seldom admit – holding onto past mistakes.

It’s a toxic habit that I’ve seen in many couples who eventually break up. When we hold onto past errors, grudges, and arguments, it becomes a heavy weight that drags the relationship down.

Forgiveness is not easy, but it’s essential for a healthy relationship.

Holding onto past mistakes prevents the relationship from moving forward. It creates a toxic cycle of blame and resentment.

So here’s the raw truth – we all mess up. We’re human. If you want to keep the spark alive, learn to forgive, let go, and focus on the present.

Conclusion

And there you have it – the 8 habits that often lead couples to lose their spark and eventually break up.

From my experience, recognizing these habits is the first step towards reigniting the spark in your relationship. Knowledge is power, and now that you’re aware of these habits, you can work on breaking them.

If you found this article helpful and want to delve deeper into maintaining a healthy relationship balance, check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.