There’s a world of difference between couples who are frequently physically intimate and those who aren’t.
That difference isn’t just about the amount of physical touch involved, but it also manifests in certain behaviors.
You see, couples who are rarely physically intimate often show specific behaviors, as per psychology. It’s not a one-off thing. It’s a pattern.
Now, I’m no stranger to these patterns.
Having founded the Love Connection blog and spending countless hours helping couples navigate their relationships, I’ve seen these behaviors time and time again.
And now I’m here to share these insights with you.
So, buckle up. This isn’t just about pointing fingers or laying blame – it’s about understanding, acknowledging, and working towards change.
1) They engage in less non-sexual touch
Intimacy isn’t always about sex. In fact, non-sexual touch plays a crucial role in maintaining a sense of connection and understanding between couples.
Interestingly, couples who are less physically intimate often engage in lesser non-sexual touch.
This could be as simple as holding hands, hugging, or simply touching each other in a comforting way.
You see, these seemingly insignificant acts of physical contact can actually help build a strong foundation of trust and intimacy.
They serve as little reminders of the love and affection shared between two people.
When these small acts of touch start to fade away, it might indicate a decline in physical intimacy. It’s a subtle yet telling sign.
Now, this doesn’t mean that every couple who doesn’t hold hands constantly is in trouble.
But it’s about the pattern. If non-sexual touch has noticeably decreased or disappeared entirely, it may be an indication of a larger issue at hand.
It’s not about jumping to conclusions but about noticing patterns and understanding what they might signify.
2) They communicate more verbally
Now, this might seem counterintuitive. More communication is usually a positive sign in relationships, right?
Well, not always. When physical intimacy starts to wane, couples often turn to excessive verbal communication as a substitute.
This can range from discussing mundane daily activities, constant texting, or even engaging in deep and meaningful conversations.
Believe it or not, this over-reliance on verbal communication can sometimes be a cover-up for the lack of physical closeness.
It’s as if the couple is trying to fill the void left by the absence of physical touch with words.
If there’s an upswing in verbal communication that coincides with a decrease in physical closeness, it might be worth exploring further.
Again, it’s about looking for patterns and understanding what these patterns might be indicating about your relationship.
3) They might be more codependent
Now, this is a topic that I’ve delved into deeply in my work. Codependency can be a sneaky little thing that creeps into relationships unnoticed.
And interestingly enough, it often shows up in couples who are less physically intimate.
A codependent relationship often involves one partner relying heavily on the other for emotional, mental, or even physical support.
While it might seem like a strong bond on the surface, it could be an unhealthy attachment that’s sucking the life out of your relationship.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I explore the concept of codependency in detail.
It’s a pervasive issue that affects more couples than you’d think.
But back to our point. If you notice that you or your partner are overly reliant on each other to the point where individuality seems to be fading away, it might be time to sit down and reassess your relationship.
A lack of physical intimacy can sometimes be a symptom of deeper issues like codependency.
Look for patterns, understand what they signify, and take steps towards healthier dynamics in your relationship.
4) They may resist change
Couples who are less physically intimate often show a resistance to change.
It might seem as though they are stuck in a rut or are simply comfortable with the status quo. But there’s more to it than meets the eye.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” Now, she wasn’t specifically talking about relationships, but her words hold true here as well.
Embracing change, even if it scares us, can be the key to unlocking a deeper level of intimacy and connection.
In my experience working with couples, those who resist change often do so out of fear or insecurity. They cling onto familiar patterns, even if they are not particularly fulfilling.
This can result in a stagnation of physical intimacy.
If you find yourself or your partner resisting change, it might be worth exploring why. Is it fear of rejection? Fear of vulnerability?
Identifying and addressing these fears can help rekindle physical intimacy and bring about positive changes in your relationship.
Just remember, “The only thing constant in life is change.”
5) They maintain a certain distance
Physical proximity is a telltale sign of intimacy. When couples are physically intimate, they naturally gravitate towards each other.
But when physical intimacy is lacking, a certain distance often creeps in.
I’m not just talking about the physical space between you when you’re sitting on the couch. It’s more about the invisible boundary that seems to keep you apart.
In my work with couples, I’ve noticed this pattern repeatedly. Those who are less physically intimate often maintain this invisible barrier, almost like a safety net.
They might share the same bed, but there’s an unspoken understanding to keep to their side.
This distance could also extend to social settings.
They might avoid public displays of affection or even subtle actions like brushing a stray hair off their partner’s face.
If you notice this pattern in your relationship, it might be worth addressing it openly.
6) They might avoid eye contact
Eye contact is powerful. It’s a form of non-verbal communication that can convey a multitude of emotions.
But in couples who are less physically intimate, eye contact often becomes scarce. It’s almost as if looking into each other’s eyes becomes too intense, too personal.
I recall a quote by James Baldwin, “Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”
In my interactions with couples, I’ve often noticed that those struggling with physical intimacy avoid prolonged eye contact.
It might seem insignificant, but it’s a subtle sign that shouldn’t be ignored.
If this sounds familiar, try to consciously make more eye contact with your partner.
It can help reestablish a deeper emotional connection which could pave the way for increased physical intimacy.
7) They might feel more like roommates than lovers
This is a hard truth that many couples grapple with. As physical intimacy wanes, couples might start feeling more like roommates than lovers.
The relationship dynamics might shift from romantic to platonic.
You might find yourself sharing responsibilities, making joint decisions, and leading a life together – but without the spark that once defined your relationship.
This transformation is usually gradual and can often go unnoticed until one day, you find yourself wondering where the romance disappeared.
It’s a tough spot to be in. It can leave you feeling confused, frustrated, and even lonely despite being in a relationship.
If you find yourself in this situation, it’s crucial to open up a dialogue about it with your partner.
Raw, honest communication can help you both identify the reasons behind this shift and work towards reigniting the lost spark in your relationship.
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Final thoughts
Understanding the dynamics of your relationship isn’t always straightforward.
The subtle nuances, the unspoken agreements, and the quiet shifts can often go unnoticed, leading to a significant drop in physical intimacy over time.
As we’ve explored in this article, there are signs that can help you identify these shifts.
From avoiding eye contact to feeling more like roommates than lovers, these signs can be telling.
It’s essential to remember that acknowledging these signs isn’t about laying blame but about sparking a conversation.
As Audrey Hepburn once said, “The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.”
Take this opportunity to reconnect with your partner – emotionally, mentally, and yes, physically too.
In helping couples navigate these challenges, I’ve found that understanding is half the battle. The other half is about taking action.
To help you with this, I’d like to share a video by Justin Brown that explores the complexities of finding a life partner.
It’s a thoughtful reflection on shared values, growth, and mutual support in a relationship. I believe it complements our discussion perfectly.
Remember, love is a journey filled with ups and downs. Embrace it with an open heart and an open mind.
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