Cougar love: 16 reasons young men are attracted to older women

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Woman with a younger man

You’re a strong, independent, and successful woman. You can have a relationship with any man of any age, but for some reason, you notice that dates are more comfortable and fun with younger men. And young men seem to be drawn to you.

As strange as this may seem to you, you’re not alone. This is becoming more and more common.

Women in positions of authority are finding emotional fulfillment from dating young men. And young men prefer dating cougars to younger, immature women. It’s sexual tension waiting to blossom.

What’s going on here? These 16 things:

1) He loves your experience

There’s no getting around it: experience is valuable. You’ve become wiser and better at coping with difficult situations in life.

You’ve been through it all in life, and a young man feels like there’s so much to learn from you.

You’re the rock he’s always wanted. You might be attracted to his zest for life, but he loves the fact that you’ve got your life together and won’t take any shit.

And yes, experience also applies to the bedroom.

Dean, 28, explains it well in Beyond Ages:

“One of the biggest reasons why do younger men like older women is: life experience. They’ve been in the game for a long time. They know things the younger girls can only dream of! This obviously translates into various departments – whether relating to what’s going on inside her mind or what happens inside the bedroom.”

2) You know what he wants

I’ve recently come across a new concept in relationship psychology that explains so much about who men fall in love with.

And I think it hits the nail on the head as to why men are attracted to older women.

It’s called the hero instinct. Relationship expert James Bauer coined the term.

Watch his excellent video here.

In short, a man wants to see himself as a hero. As someone his partner genuinely wants and needs to have around. Not as a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.

As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.

I know it sounds a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them, especially an older woman. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

And I couldn’t agree more.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to feel like a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a protector.

Older women are more likely to recognize this need in men and feel empowered to actually trigger this instinct.

I don’t often pay much attention to popular new theories in psychology. Or recommend videos. But I think the hero instinct is a fascinating take on what makes a man fall in love and why they’re more attracted to older women.

If you want to learn more about the hero instinct, check out James Bauer’s free video here.

Some ideas are life-changing. And when it comes to relationships, I think this is one of them.

3) He can learn a lot

The older you are, the experience you have. The more experience you have, the more you can teach.

That’s why younger men are so attracted to older women, especially the men that are ambitious and want to expand themselves intellectually.

Gareth Rubin in The Telegraph explains it perfectly:

“You’ll understand when you’re older.’ Literally everyone has heard those maddening words, and yet when you’re in a relationship with someone older than you – going to dinner together, choosing a flat together et al – you realise just how true it is.”

Rich life experience is hard to come by, and a man will mature more quickly if they have someone to learn from.

What’s more, you’ve had experience with different types of men, and you can easily point out the young man’s flaws and opportunities for growth.

You understand what kind of man he is and what kind of man he can be.

4) You both know what you want

You’re older, wiser and know exactly what you want. A casual fling? Or a serious and meaningful relationship? You find the guy that’s right for you.

According to Alan Angal, 36, he was attracted to his older fiancée, Jennifer Siegner, 45, for her stability:

“With some women I dated, they wanted to play games, but Jennifer always communicated that she wanted something real…I always knew where I stood with her.”

And while you might think that young men only want something quick, it’s not entirely true.

Some guys become so in love with you, they just want to be with you for the rest of their life. In other words, you’re “the one”.

Some studies have found that men prefer honest women, particularly for long-term relationships.

5) He respects you for all that you’ve achieved

You didn’t become a successful woman out of nowhere. It’s taken hard work, dedication and persistence.

He understands, admires and respects this, as he knows how difficult it is for a woman to rise in the ranks.

According to psychologist, Sam Owen, this may be a reason why younger men like older women:

“Young men nowadays probably also recognize that older women are adept at diligently juggling so many responsibilities (career, children, housekeeping, fitness, finances, socializing), which makes them intriguing and attractive and a more secure option.”

You’re filled with wisdom and stability and he can’t believe his luck that he has become part of your life.

6) He learns a new perspective

Most people spend time with those who are their own age. This goes for dating as well.

So when you spend time with someone who is in a different stage of life, you see life through a different lens. It cannot be underestimated when can be learned from this.

According to Vincent, a man who has been dating an older woman, there is so much to learn:

“Just the fact that there’s so much to learn from an older woman, that they have so many more life experiences to draw upon, is an adventure to me. It’s like a rush.”

You have a better idea of what’s important in life, and most importantly, what isn’t.

Instead of worrying about little petty issues at work, you can help him see that there are bigger issues to focus on.

Getting his priorities straight gives him a huge upper hand in life.

7) You are confident and independent

Most younger ladies are more concerned about what people think of them.

This can lead to superficial and insecure tendencies (selfies anyone?).

But older women have been through that phase. Life experience has given them a better idea of who they are and what’s really important in life.

You don’t care as much what people think of you. You know it doesn’t matter. Young people tend to seek validation from others because they aren’t sure of who they are.

Folk wisdom suggests that confidence is attractive and research has also suggested that men and women rate confidence as an attractive trait in a potential partner.

For a young man, this self-confidence you possess is captivating. It also leads to less drama, which is extremely attractive to any man.

8) You are emotionally mature

Young people are filled with energy and hormones and as a result their emotions can get out of control.

But an older woman has learned how to control her emotions. She’s been through the ups and downs of life.

This doesn’t mean that you’re boring. Quite the opposite. You understand the value of basking in joyful moments and making the most of it.

Men also love the fact that you don’t play games, as Gareth Rubin describes in The Telegraph,

“Mind games are very much the environ of the younger girl. Past 40, women are utterly upfront about where you’re going very wrong – brutal, certainly, but an easier way to live in so many other respects.”

You just won’t get lost in toxic emotions that offer no value.

Why is this all so appealing for younger men?

Because an older woman can help him process his own emotions.

Male and female brains are biologically different. For instance, the limbic system is the emotional processing center of the brain and it’s much larger in the female brain than in a man’s.

That’s why women are more in touch with their emotions. And why guys can struggle to process and understand their feelings.

The thing is, to stimulate the emotional part of a man’s brain, you have to communicate with him in a way that he’ll actually understand.

I learned this from relationship guru Michael Fiore. He’s one of the world’s leading experts on male psychology and what men want from relationships.

Watch this excellent free video to learn about Michael’s life-changing solution for dealing with men who won’t open up to you.

Michael Fiore reveals what you need to do to make your man commit to a passionate relationship. His techniques work surprisingly well on even the coldest and most commitment-phobic men.

If you want science-based techniques to make a man fall in love with you and STAY in love with you, check out this free video here.

9) You have refined tastes

Partying is fun when you first start getting involved in the club scene, but it can get pretty boring pretty quickly.

An older woman doesn’t want to go out dancing and get smashed. She’d rather go to a nice restaurant, have some wine and bask in meaningful conversations.

According to Amy Fleming in Guardian:

“Maturity brings more grown up (and healthier) eating habits, with an appreciation of robust flavours like game, sour cheese and anchovies.”

After all, she’s worked hard for her money throughout her career and she wants to spend it wisely.

Therefore, young men love the calmness that comes with hanging out with you. You show them the good life, and they learn to appreciate the finer things.

10) You can have intellectual discussions

Older women have more life experience and can offer more wisdom to a conversation.

Because let’s be honest, you don’t care who is dating who or what celebrity just got married. You’d rather have meaningful discussions about what your goals are in life, and what interesting books you’ve read recently.

In “Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance,” authors Felicia Brings and Susan Winter interviewed more than 200 men to discover the allure of older women, and one man found the fact that he can talk about anything is rather enticing:

“Pat is very special. Not only is she beautiful, but she has a wonderful sense of humor and is very giving. The ability to talk about anything with her was refreshing and engaging.”

A lot of young men are sick of the superficial discussions that come with dating someone their own age.

An older woman helps them understand more about almost any topic.

11) You are financially stable

A big problem for a young man is financial security. After all, they haven’t been working for a long time and haven’t had time to move up in their career.

The last thing they need is a younger girl mooching off him at every opportunity she gets.

But with older women, the bills are evenly split. After all, you’ve had time to build your wealth and you don’t need to depend on a man for money.

This is a huge plus for a young man. They don’t have to worry about financing another person’s life. Also, they know that you’re in the relationship for the right reasons, rather than using him for money.

12) They don’t have to worry about having children

Some men aren’t interested in having children. Young men, especially. The great thing about older women is that they have either decided that they don’t want children, or they’ve had children, and they’re already grown up now.

According to a man who is dating an older women, starting families is rarely an issue with older women:

“I think younger women are sometimes too focused on starting families and that is rarely an issue with older women. I’ve always had relationships with older women. They know themselves. They have so much more to offer and they are looking for different things. They are not just looking for guys who will be good fathers and providers.”

This allows the man and woman to concentrate on the relationship and focus on their connection, rather than create a family and deal with all the stresses that come with it.

And anyway, young men want to focus on their careers. They simply don’t have time to focus on their career AND children.

13) They love your emotional support

Some men love the nurturing qualities that older women have. You’ve been through a lot in life, you’ve got your shit together and you can offer mental and emotional support that a young woman simply can’t.

Interestingly, a study found that men at a British university preferred women who had positive personality traits like openness, kindness, and assertiveness.

This is extremely appealing to a young man who is only just starting his career and figuring out what he wants to do with his life.

14) You’re good at cooking

As an older single woman, you’ve mastered the art of cooking. You’ve had to cook for yourself, and sometimes, cook for your own family. You know what tastes good and what nutritional needs a young man has.

And let’s be honest, young women cook less and prefer eating out and ordering food delivery. That’s what happens when you grow up with technology. Not only can this break a young man’s bank, but the food is more unhealthy as well.

You know how to look after your man and will cook him everything he desires.

15) She’s more direct and knows what she wants

Whereas a young woman doesn’t really know what she’s looking for in the dating scene, older women have been around the block. They know what they like, what they dislike and what they need to be happy.

Gareth Rubin in The Telegraph says that men tend to love a woman that knows herself:

“The smiles and nudges of your friends are nothing compared to the excitement of a relationship with a woman who knows herself, and what she wants.”

This is great for a young man because no games are played. They already know if you like them or not. There’s no need to say to you “let’s go back to my place and watch a movie”.

Instead, he can be more direct with his intentions because you’re more direct as well.

No games, no excuses, no bullsh*t. When a young man and an older woman date, it’s honest, authentic and direct.

16) You both envision a future of possibility

Being a young man, he has the world in front of him. There are so many things he wants to achieve, and with you by his side to guide him along the way, the possibilities seem limitless.

Likewise, you’ve come, you’ve seen, and you’ve conquered. And guess what? You want to keep on doing that! It’s what makes life fun and meaningful.

For you, there’s so much more in life that you want to experience and achieve, and a young guy by the helm will help you get there!

[To dive deep into specific techniques to help you calm down and reduce stress, check out my no-nonsense guide to using eastern philosophy for a mindful and peaceful life here].

What an older women sees in younger men

1) He’s open-minded

This is what you love about younger men. They’re more free and open-minded. The older men who refuse to budge from stereotypical ways of living irks you to your core.

“Younger guys tend to be more active, have less baggage,” says Soletti, an event planner who regularly hosts dating mixers.

Young men are willing to try new things, embrace new concepts and explore the big wide world. Life is too short to settle down in a boring 9-5 job and not experience everything that life has to offer.

You’ve worked hard and a young man is more likely to bring out the energy and zest in you.

2) Older women think younger men are more attractive

A chiseled chest? 6-pack? A nice butt? Let’s be honest, younger men have that sex appeal going on.

Not only physically, but they’re more likely to be spontaneous as well. A deep and meaningful sex session on a weeknight? Why not!

In fact, a study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that women who dated younger men reported high levels of sexual pleasure and satisfaction.

This makes younger men incredibly sexy to you. And sexually it works. We’ve all heard that men tend to peak sexually in their younger 20s while women peak in their 30s. This makes for a lot of crazy, loved filled sex!

RELATED: The strangest thing men desire (And how it can make him crazy for you)

3) His attitude and energy are infectious

Younger people tend to be more adventurous than their older counterparts. A younger man encourages you to try new things and get out there in the world.

They help you live in the moment and relish an upbeat, positive outlook on life. It doesn’t matter how old you are, we’re all capable of living vibrantly.

And when life is as short as it is, why the hell not!

4) You enjoy the attention of younger men

In the past, it’s pretty common for older men to date younger women. Maybe this is filling some sort of need to do with their own insecurities. Or younger women are particularly attracted to the older man’s money. But that’s a story for another time.

What’s important here is that the attention a young man gives an older woman makes them feel sexy and special.

Perhaps you’ve been under the impression that you’re old and passed your used-by-date – but a younger man reminds you how truly sexy and intelligent you are – and that makes you feel amazing!

5) You aren’t interested in dating “boys”

Let’s be clear: Not all younger men feel the void for older women. They’re not attracted to boys who act immature and are only about what happens in the bedroom.

You like strong, powerful and mature men. You like men who are confident and not afraid to say what they think.

You also believe in equality, which a younger men is more accustomed to. Susan Winter, co-author of the book Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance explains:

“Older successful men are used to being in control of a woman, and that doesn’t sit well with modern women…Younger men have grown up with working women and have worked for female bosses, so they’re more likely to treat women equally.”

After all, you’re self-assured and independent – and you want the same in any man you date.

6) It makes you feel younger

Being with someone who is younger, and more active and playful can bring out the young, happy-go-lucky attitude you.

Perhaps you’ve been a bit jaded from life experience, but a young man has the capability to bring out the passion and excitement buried within you.

Life becomes more fun, and that’s exactly why a young man and an older woman is a match made in heaven.

7) It widens the pool of available men

Dating younger guys opens up a much bigger pool of possible partners—which increases your chances of finding a great partner.

People get married, have families and old men just aren’t as good-looking anymore.

This is why being open to a dating younger man gives you a wider array of options in the dating market. This means she has a great chance of finding someone she can connect with.

8) Less potential caretaking in the future

When you date a man that’s 5 years older, that age difference may not change your life when you’re younger. But when you’re 75 and they’re 80, it means that you have to become the caretaker for the older man.

But if you date someone younger, there’s less chance of that happening. And seeing as women live longer than men, there’s more chance of getting old together at a similar rate and you can both take care of each other.

How you can attract a younger man in your life…

Being a cougar certainly comes with its benefits, but it can be hard to draw a younger man into your life.

Whether you enjoy the attention of the younger generation, or simply want to widen the pool of men in your life, it is possible.

While the tips above are a great start, none of them are guaranteed to work each and every time, which means you’re working in the dark.

That is, except for one.

The hero instinct.

I mentioned this one right at the top of the blog for one very important reason. It works.

It’s the key to attracting a younger man into your life and also keeping him them.

Many young men have yet to experience the joys of love. They’re still finding their feet in the dating world. Triggering his hero instinct will surely sweep him off his feet and straight into your arms.

To learn more about the hero instinct, watch this excellent free video.

The video reveals the simple things you can do to bring out this very natural male instinct, including the text messages you can send him.

Although a relatively new concept, the hero instinct a game-changer. It’s one of the best-kept secrets in the relationship world and it’s all that stands between you and future happiness.

If you’re tired of being the older woman and want to see if your relationship has a future, then watch the video today and start making changes.

Click here to watch the free video.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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