Navigating conversations with people who never really listen

We all like to feel heard. But what happens when you’re constantly being talked over, redirected, or made to feel invisible in conversations?

That’s where conversational narcissism comes in. It’s not always loud or aggressive—it’s often subtle. But over time, it leaves you feeling drained, frustrated, and strangely alone, even in the company of others.

I know this firsthand.

Years ago, I worked alongside someone who turned every conversation into a monologue. Whether we were talking about weekend plans or a work issue, they always found a way to make it about themselves.

At first, I brushed it off. But eventually, I realized I was walking away from our chats feeling dismissed and unseen.

That experience made me dig deeper into the psychology behind this behavior—and more importantly, what we can do about it.

In this article, we’ll explore:

• What conversational narcissism actually is (and what it isn’t)
• Signs to look for in everyday interactions
• Tools to navigate these conversations without losing your mind (or your compassion)
• A Buddhist approach to letting go of what doesn’t serve you

Let’s dive in.

What is conversational narcissism?

At its core, conversational narcissism refers to the tendency to steer conversations back to oneself, often without realizing it.

Unlike clinical narcissism, which is a diagnosable personality disorder, conversational narcissism is more common—and more socially accepted.

But here’s the catch: Just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s harmless.

When someone constantly redirects the focus to themselves, they’re signaling (intentionally or not) that your thoughts and feelings don’t matter as much as theirs.

Over time, this dynamic can damage relationships, breed resentment, and chip away at your sense of connection.

Common signs of conversational narcissism

So how do you spot it? Here are a few behaviors that often show up:

1. Constant story-topping
   You mention a trip to the mountains. They immediately jump in with their even better adventure.
2. Shift responses instead of support responses
   You share a struggle, and instead of showing empathy, they respond with their own story. Example: “You’re feeling anxious? Yeah, I’ve been so stressed lately too…”
3. Hijacking the topic
   No matter what the topic is, it somehow ends up circling back to their interests, problems, or achievements.
4. Monopolizing airtime
   They speak for long stretches without inviting your input or asking questions.
5. Subtle invalidation
   They might say things like, “That’s not a big deal,” or “You’re overthinking it,” when you try to express something personal.

To be fair, most people do some of these things occasionally. But when it becomes a pattern—especially one that leaves you feeling unseen—it’s worth paying attention to.

How to deal with conversational narcissists

Let’s get practical. If you’re regularly dealing with someone who dominates conversations, here are a few tools that can help:

1. Use “conversational judo”
   Redirect the conversation gracefully. You might say, “That’s interesting. I’d love to come back to what I was saying earlier…”
2. Set small boundaries
   You don’t need to confront the person harshly. A simple, “Can I finish my thought?” or “Hang on a sec—I want to share something too,” can be powerful.
3. Change the rhythm
   Ask more questions yourself. This might sound counterintuitive, but it shifts the conversation away from monologue mode and into more balanced dialogue.
4. Mirror what’s missing
   If they rarely ask how you are, model it. Be the one to ask thoughtful questions. Sometimes, people mirror what they experience.
5. Limit emotional investment
   This is where non-attachment becomes essential. You can care about someone without clinging to the idea that they must change for you to feel okay.

My own turning point

That colleague I mentioned earlier? I eventually stopped expecting them to give me the kind of exchange I craved.

Once I let go of that attachment, I felt lighter. I still talked to them—but I no longer felt disappointed when the conversation didn’t go deep.

Instead, I reserved my emotional energy for people who could meet me there.

That was a small but meaningful act of self-respect.

The Buddhist principle of non-attachment

In Buddhism, non-attachment doesn’t mean apathy. It means releasing the tight grip we have on expectations—especially the ones that bring us suffering.

When we interact with someone who constantly dominates the conversation, we often carry an invisible hope: Maybe this time they’ll ask about me. Maybe this time they’ll really listen.

That hope, when unmet again and again, leads to frustration.

But when we practice non-attachment, we stop hinging our peace on someone else’s behavior.

Instead, we accept the moment for what it is. We listen if we want to, speak when it feels right, and walk away when we need to—without bitterness.

That inner freedom is more powerful than trying to control someone’s attention.

Closing thoughts

Navigating conversational narcissism isn’t about diagnosing or blaming. It’s about noticing patterns, honoring your own needs, and choosing how much energy you give.

When you stop trying to wrestle attention from people who don’t offer it freely, you free yourself. And in that space, you begin to attract the kinds of connections that feel mutual, present, and real.

And if you ever catch yourself dominating the conversation? Just pause. Breathe. Ask a question.

That single moment of awareness might be the beginning of a deeper connection—not just with others, but with yourself too.