There’s nothing worse than a bad break up. It can ruin lives and take years to fully get over, and some people never get over their painful ex-relationships.
As someone who’s written countless relationship articles, let me just say: there’s no amount of advice you can give someone who isn’t truly ready to move on from the pain of their current partner or ex-partner.
That’s why I decided to look into Katherine Woodward Thomas’s Conscious Uncoupling Quest on Mindvalley.
Some people call it the ultimate instruction manual to getting over any bitterness and resentment you may be feeling towards an ex or soon-to-be ex.
So I tried the Conscious Uncoupling Quest out myself, and here’s my full and honest review.
Why I Gave Mindvalley’s Conscious Uncoupling A Shot
Unlike most people who first delve into Conscious Uncoupling — whether the New York Times bestselling book or the course on Mindvalley — I didn’t go into it with the intention to heal a broken heart or get over a past relationship.
Thankfully, I’m still young enough that I haven’t had any horrible relationship breakup experience (yet!).
What attracted me to Conscious Uncoupling was how differently it approached the topic of post-relationship healing, and as someone who spends so much time writing about relationships and love, I was really intrigued by the possibility of learning a new approach to an entire school of thought that I felt had been already covered by everyone on the internet.
So what makes Conscious Uncoupling different?
The first thing that caught my eye was the general scientific nature of the way the teacher and author, Katherine Woodward Thomas, handles the topic of detaching or “uncoupling” from our significant other.
She takes something that is generally explained with vague and intangible elements — the act of “falling out of love” gracefully — and reframes it with a systematic approach that anyone can follow.
It’s a completely new way of looking at it, so much that when I first started doing my research on Katherine, I found that some critics considered her too “New Age” for their liking.
But with nearly 30 years of professional psychotherapy under her belt, I figured that she had to know what she was talking about.
And honestly, so many of us need this kind of help.
We spend so much time learning how to love ourselves, become better partners, and create perfect relationships.
But we spend so little time (if any time at all) learning the other end of this — figuring out what to do when the relationship ends, and how to ensure that you grow rather than regress after the end of a long and brutal relationship.
Too many of us just try to cope with the pains and struggles of a dysfunctional relationship or breakup without any idea of how to do it right, and the reason is this: we don’t really know that there’s a right way to do it.
There’s no guidebook, no instruction manual, and so many of us blunder our way from one breakup to another without ever fixing ourselves emotionally or mentally in the first place.
Why shouldn’t there be a guidebook or an instruction manual?
Why shouldn’t there be a way to pragmatically go through the process of uncoupling yourself from another person, to save yourself and those around you as much pain as possible?
After looking into Conscious Uncoupling, I felt that this was the scientific and systematic approach to post-relationship heartache that the world needed, and I had to give it a shot.
What the Conscious Uncoupling Quest is All About
Let’s begin with the most obvious question: what in the world is conscious uncoupling?
Conscious uncoupling was first coined by Katherine Thomas in 2009, building off the concept of uncoupling which has been around since the mid-20th century.
Katherine felt the need for conscious uncoupling as a response to the way society thinks about marriage and divorce, which is that marriage is this end-all-be-all relationship where we have to choose one person and stick with them for life, and if we don’t, we’ve failed not only as a couple, but as two individuals.
Divorce is seen as the ultimate mistake that only failures make, leading to pain and guilt for ourselves and for our children, and we end up seeing our partner or ourselves as the bad guy for letting this animosity happen.
This leaves us with the inability to part ways amicably, inflicting us with wounds that last for months if not years after the end of the relationship.
It also leaves us with tons of unhappy and incompatible couples who stick with each other simply because they don’t want to admit that they’ve failed as a couple, and accept the pain and guilt that comes with that failure.
Katherine came up with the idea of conscious uncoupling to introduce a new paradigm to her patients and students.
Again, uncoupling had already been around decades before Thomas ever came on the scene; to uncouple is to simply part ways with your ex-spouse amicably, keeping a sense of mutual respect for each other to minimize any negative impact on the children and on the self.
But Katherine’s concept of conscious uncoupling involves the healing and self-reflection of the self that basic uncoupling doesn’t truly consider.
We want to consciously and proactively uncouple from our previous partner and relationship so that we can build the confidence and self-awareness to leave behind any baggage instead of letting it infect and doom our next relationship.
The Conscious Uncoupling Quest
The Conscious Uncoupling Quest on Mindvalley is Katherine’s love letter to her students: in this 35-day program, Katherine Thomas walks with her students through daily video lessons and teaches them her 5-step program to truly consciously uncouple.
Students will learn how to…
- Understand the internalized toxicity that is causing damage to all your relationships, and ultimately leave this toxicity behind
- Figure out the basis behind your guilt, rage, and any other debilitating emotions
- Protect yourself and your children from the lingering pain and guilt
- Discover your own worth as a person outside of the relationship
- Learn how to forgive yourself and your ex-partner and truly grow from the relationship instead of allowing it to hold you back
All of this is done in a 5-week, 35-day program, with each week focused on each part of the 5-step program.
These 5 steps include:
- Finding your emotional freedom
- Reclaiming your power and your life
- Breaking the pattern and healing your heart
- Becoming a “love alchemist”
- Creating your happy even after life
Who Is Conscious Uncoupling For?
|You would love Conscious Uncoupling if…
|Conscious Uncoupling might not be for you if…
|You are stuck in a loveless marriage and neither you nor your partner have the guts to pull the trigger
|You are in a happy relationship and you know how to deal with your emotional problems with your partner
|You have trouble finding a new relationship because you can’t let go of the baggage from the past
|You think you have some issues due to past relationships, but you aren’t truly ready to accept this reality and seriously act on it
|You don’t feel like you can forgive your ex-partner and you still want some kind of final close to that chapter of your life
|You aren’t the type who really benefits from online learning and video lessons, and would prefer face-to-face personal counseling instead
This is one of the few courses on Mindvalley where I would say that we could all use its lessons at one point or another in our lives.
But Conscious Uncoupling is most relevant to anyone who feels like they are currently being held back by a relationship, whether one they have right now or one they ended a long time ago.
Bad relationships can truly hurt us as people, and that’s not always someone’s fault.
Two good people can be in a bad relationship together for a number of reasons; they might be incompatible or they might be at different stages in their lives.
And when we find ourselves stuck in a bad relationship or still feeling the pain and guilt of a previous bad relationship, we can regress as individuals.
We can become guarded and withdrawn, and become more prone to negative emotions like anger and jealousy.
The Conscious Uncoupling Quest is for anyone who feels like they might be suffering from these issues, and is ready (or almost ready) to truly accept that they have them and tackle them head-on.
If you’re going through a break up, almost about to break up, or struggling with the pain, guilt, and grief of a previous break up, Conscious Uncoupling can help you pick up the pieces you need to heal and become whole once more.
What Makes Katherine Woodward Thomas The Perfect Mentor
Katherine Woodward Thomas is a relationship and self-help expert.
She’s often called the “breakup guru” for her revolutionary approach to life after relationships.
She writes extensively about her relationship philosophy and has published two New York Times Best Selling books.
One of her two most acclaimed works, Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After, is essentially this program in book form.
Katherine is an A-list relationship expert and was the one responsible for mediating Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s divorce.
She’s regularly featured on The Today Show, as well as numerous outlets including Women’s Health, People Magazine, and The New York Times.
If you’re unfamiliar with Katherine, there are free videos up on the Mindvalley Talks YouTube channel that will help you understand what drives her relationship principles.
How To Heal Past Relationship Pains and Step Into a Future Full of Love is a great introduction to Katherine and her refreshing approach to relationships and true love.
Unlike other relationship experts, her advice doesn’t end with finding love or how to attract the right people. Katherine has a holistic approach to creating meaningful partnerships, whether it’s with other people or with yourself.
She understands what it means to find love and what should be done in order to let it go.
If you’re the kind of person who finds it difficult to strike a balance between falling in love and setting boundaries, I definitely recommend checking her out.
It’s important to reiterate that Conscious Uncoupling is not some theoretical approach to self-healing after breaking up.
Katherine is open about how the popular method originated and how it was inspired by her own divorce with her husband of ten years.
The best part of working with Katherine as a mentor is that she understands exactly what it means to feel lost, heartbroken, and worried for your loved ones and those entangled in the relationship after a breakup.
Katherine’s Conscious Uncoupling program is a tried and tested method to healing and coming out happy and healthy out the other side of a breakup, whether it’s a short fling or a long marriage.
Everything You Get With The Conscious Uncoupling Program
The Conscious Uncoupling program is a three-part program completed over the course of 35 days. For $399 for a solo access or $599/year for the Mindvalley Quest All Access Pass, you get access to the following items:
- Exclusive support from the Conscious Uncoupling coaches from Mindvalley
- Seamless digital access on any of your mobile or computer devices, whether it’s Apple, Android or even Apple TV
- Lifetime access to Conscious Uncoupling’s exclusive online community
- The Mindvalley App for learning on the go
If you sign up today, you also get a ton of bonus content included with your quest.
The program will include various guided meditation audio and exercises to help reinforce what you learned from the quest and to help you navigate your emotions throughout the process:
- An exclusive “Calling In The One” talk by Katherine to better understand how to attract a better partner for next time. This can only be unlocked after the entire quest has been completed.
- 5 Healing Meditations. At the end of every week during your five-week journey, you’ll get access to meditative work that is designed to help you balance your emotions and navigate your personal transformations
- Reclaim Your Power & Your Life Audio. Another extra set of guided meditations to help you build up confidence.
- Break The Pattern, Heal Your Heart Audio. You’ll be listening to extra meditative content at the end of each week. These recordings should help you unpack subconscious desires that keep you in the loop of bad relationships or poor relationship decisions.
- Become A Love Alchemist Audio. This set of meditative exercises is designed to help you tune into your inner love alchemist, and how to become a great lover for your future partner.
- Create your Happy Even After Life. This meditative series is centered around each week of the quest, helping you achieve a fuller, happier existence even after a break up.
The Conscious Uncoupling Quest breaks down this self-healing process into five crucial steps. The program is divided into three parts, with each video course taking about 20 minute a day:
Part 1: From Grief To Relief
Part one is all about reframing how you feel about the relationship.
With this part, Katherine helps you unpack your emotions and guides you into achieving a mindset that’s more conducive to moving forward.
Here you’ll learn how to break free from your relationship and see the breakup as an opportunity to open your heart and attract positive changes in your life.
Part 2: Break The Pattern & Reframe Your Love Life
If part one was about setting up the necessary foundation for success, part two is all about doing the actual work needed to get those life-changing results.
Part two is dedicated to self-reflection and understanding whatever recurring patterns are present in your life, and how to break free from these patterns to attract better relationships in the future.
Part 3: Create Your Happily Even-After Life
The final part of the quest is all about developing new habits, boundaries, and standards for a happy relationship.
I especially liked the 7 practical self-care practices students can follow to learn how to love yourself throughout the healing experience.
Here, Katherine helps students establish better relationship agreements in order to prevent past relationships from happening and ultimately win in new relationships.
Is The Conscious Uncoupling Quest Worth It?
I think the biggest realization I learned from all this was that the idea of “moving on” is so wrong.
We think that “moving on” means moving forward from a past, broken down, trainwreck of a relationship, but trying to fit this growth into that kind of frame makes it impossible for many of us, because that’s not actually what happens.
We never “move on”, as if we’re walking from one chapter of our lives to the next, because we can’t.
We can’t forget what happened to us and we can’t not be affected by those past feelings and experiences.
Instead of trying to move on, Katherine Woodward Thomas teaches her students to evolve forward.
Accept that what happened to you truly happened to you, and forgive yourself for those events if any forgiveness is needed.
Don’t try to walk away from it and bury the past behind you, because you’ll never be able to do it.
I personally haven’t gone through a devastating breakup but I feel equipped to deal with one after finishing the Conscious Uncoupling program.
I can only imagine how this quest could be life-changing for someone who’s going through a messy divorce, a difficult split up, or any heartbreaking end to a relationship.
With a systematic process like Conscious Uncoupling, you’ll learn how to save yourself from heartache by engaging in meditative techniques to reinforce your decision and empower yourself to move forward.
Instead of coasting from one relationship to another, Katherine motivates you to examine failed relationships under a microscope so you can avoid the same heartache in the future.
Do I recommend the Conscious Uncoupling quest?
Definitely. Katherine as a mentor offers a lot into the world of love, heartache, and love after life for people who are fascinated with relationships like me, but especially for people who are in relationships themselves.
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