No relationship is smooth sailing 24/7, and sometimes we have to face the harsh reality that we might be the cause of turbulence.
While this article isn’t going to be an easy read, it will jerk you into action and hopefully help you realize how your behavior or actions are affecting your partner and the success of your relationship.
So, take a deep breath, and let’s get to it. Here are 12 confronting signs you’re the problem in the relationship:
1) You’re always the victim
Every relationship has ups and downs, but if you constantly feel like you’re the victim and your partner can do no wrong, it could be a sign you’re the problem in the relationship.
Because by always playing the victim card, you’re avoiding taking responsibility for your actions!
Remember, it takes two to tango.
Your partner can’t always be in the wrong (otherwise you would have left them a long time ago), so maybe it’s time to reflect on your own behavior and own up to your mistakes.
2) You hate compromising
Another sign you’re the problem in your relationship is if you hate compromising.
You’re happy for your partner to give in, but you’re not having it if they ask you to meet them halfway – you refuse to budge.
Even when it comes to the small stuff, like choosing a restaurant or picking a movie, you always get the final say.
The truth is, if you’re never willing to sacrifice anything for your partner’s happiness, it could lead to major problems in the relationship. Your partner may feel that their needs and desires aren’t taken seriously, and over time?
They will start to resent you!
3) You never apologize
Do you find it tough to apologize?
Do you feel it’s better to sweep issues under the rug rather than own up and admit your mistakes?
If so, this is another sign you might be the problem in your relationship!
Even if you both bounce back to normality after an argument, if you never apologize, it can make your partner feel like their feelings aren’t validated or understood.
It also indicates that you’re refusing to acknowledge your part in the argument.
Ultimately, this can wear a relationship down.
4) You constantly criticize your partner
After the honeymoon stage of a relationship, we start to see our partners for who they really are – quirks and weird stuff included!
And this is where small comments start to creep in…
But there’s a fine line between constructive criticism, such as:
“Hey, I can see you’re really stressed with work, and I feel it’s affecting our communication. Can we set aside some time to spend together and work on this together?”
And negative criticism:
“It’s impossible to talk to you! You’re always stressed out and I’ve had enough of it now.”
If you relate more to the second statement, not only could you be the problem in your relationship, but you could also be seriously damaging your partner’s self-esteem!
5) You’re emotionally unavailable
Being emotionally unavailable means you might find it hard to share your feelings or express your emotions.
So, why could this be a problem for your relationship?
Well, to build trust and a strong connection, we need to be able to communicate and show how we feel – it’s the basis of any healthy relationship.
And if you’re unable to, it could cause a disconnect between you and your partner.
6) You like to be in control
Another sign you’re the problem in the relationship is if you’re overly controlling.
This might look like this:
- Always wanting to know where your partner is
- Dictating what your partner can or can’t do
- Controlling who they talk to/what they eat/what they wear
The truth is, the list could go on. When you try to control every aspect of your partner’s life or even a small part of it, it shows that you don’t trust your partner to make their own decisions.
Now, you may not realize the impact you’re having, but ultimately, you’re disrespecting your partner.
This leads me to the next sign:
7) You struggle with jealousy
Often, if we distrust our partners it stems from insecurity and displays itself as jealousy.
Now, a little bit of jealousy is normal in relationships – no one likes the idea of their partner potentially falling for someone else!
But if you find yourself jealous over small things, such as your partner even speaking to someone of the opposite sex, or having a social media account, something isn’t right.
Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and if you don’t trust your partner (without them giving you a reason not to) you could be causing issues in the relationship.
8) You don’t support your partner’s goals
Here’s a little scenario for you:
Your partner comes home and tells you they’ve been offered an amazing work opportunity, but it involves going away for a couple of days with their company.
How would you feel about this?
Is your immediate reaction one of fear? Or would you encourage them to go and pursue their goals?
If you lean towards the first, it could be that you aren’t supportive of your partner’s goals and decisions.
This might stem from insecurity and a lack of trust but know that holding your partner back could put a strain on the relationship.
Your partner will feel like their aspirations don’t matter to you, and this can be incredibly hurtful.
9) You’re never satisfied
Continuously feeling unsatisfied about your relationship and partner could be a sign you’re the problem in the relationship…
But the truth is, no one is perfect!
And if you’re constantly focussing on what your partner does wrong (rather than looking at all the great stuff they do), this could seriously impact your relationship.
Not only will they feel bad, but you can end up in a negative cycle of always criticizing or looking at what you don’t have, instead of what you do have.
10) You have unrealistic expectations
Following on from the previous point, you might feel unsatisfied because your expectations are unrealistic.
If you feel like your partner is responsible for your happiness, you’re setting them up for failure (and you, for disappointment).
Or, if you feel like your partner should be romantic 24/7, this is unrealistic and something that they simply won’t be able to achieve.
Now – not all expectations are bad. It’s good to have some ground rules and expectations that you’re both on board with.
But if you’ve got unrealistic expectations that can’t be fulfilled, you might be the problem in the relationship.
11) You avoid conflict like the plague
Isn’t it a good thing to avoid conflict?
No – this is a myth!
Conflict is natural. How we deal with it is what matters.
Sweeping issues under the rug, ignoring your partner, and never discussing uncomfortable things are surefire ways to ruin a relationship.
We’ve already mentioned how important trust is in a relationship, but for trust to develop, there needs to be communication.
And if you’re avoiding it, I’m sorry to say, you’re not helping the relationship, you’re harming it!
12) You don’t prioritize the relationship
The final sign you’re the problem in the relationship is if you don’t make time for it!
Life gets busy – we’ve all got work commitments, social lives, families, and hobbies to keep up with.
But if you’re not prioritizing your relationship…it’s a good indicator that you could be neglecting it!
If this is the case, your partner likely feels that you don’t take the relationship seriously. This could lead to frustration, resentment, and ultimately, a breakup.
You’re the problem – now what?
If you’ve realized that you’re the problem, don’t worry. This is a good start to fixing the issues in your relationship.
The truth is, most of us have toxic behaviors that we aren’t even aware of. It takes a confronting conversation (or an article like this) for us to realize.
So, the next step is to work on those areas!
For example, if you realize that you struggle with jealousy, this usually stems from insecurity. Start exploring your emotions and triggers, and rather than take it out on your partner, work on your own self-esteem.
If you’re emotionally unavailable, read up on how to connect with your emotions.
The point is, just because you’re the problem, it doesn’t mean you can’t turn things around and cultivate a happy, healthy relationship!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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