You recognize a confident person almost instantly.
But if you ask 100 people to define “confidence”, each person would probably give you a different answer.
It’s not always about their clothes, cool stories, power poses, or material success that shows confidence.
In my experience, it’s more about what confident people don’t do that sets them apart.
So in this article, let’s go through 15 telltale signs of insecurity and timidness that confident people never do.
Wipe these from your life and you can watch your confidence increase.
1. Get defensive when corrected
Confident people understand their own strengths and weaknesses and are able to listen to constructive criticism.
They’re comfortable acknowledging when they’ve made a mistake, but they also stand up for themselves when they’re being blamed for something they didn’t do.
When you’re comfortable with who you are – you don’t have to defend your insecurities.
Confident people regard feedback not as threatening, but as an opportunity to improve.
2. Try to please everyone
Confident people don’t seek outside validation. They do the right thing to help others, but they don’t go out of their way to please everyone around them.
People pleasers tend to have low self-confidence because their worth depends on other people.
True confidence comes from the inside, not from the outside.
A confident person knows they’re doing amazing things with their life and continue to focus on their dreams and goals.
The fact that you have haters is a good sign that you’re actually doing something with your life.
3. Talk more than listen
Some people love talking because they’re trying to prove themselves to the people around them.
But the truth is, the more confident someone is the less likely they feel like they have to prove themselves.
Confident people don’t try to dominate the conversation or steer the conversation in a particular direction, because they’re comfortable going with the flow.
They valuing listening to other people because they see it as an opportunity to learn.
Listening to people is an excellent quality to have. But what else makes you unique and exceptional?
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4. Make fun of other people
Putting other people down is a tactic used mainly by insecure people to make themselves feel better and look better by comparison.
Confident people tend to have inner strength and they use that strength to support the people around them.
When you’re comfortable with who you are and what you offer in the world, you don’t feel a need to artificially make yourself better in front of others.
5. Aassume they have all the answers
Confident people aren’t know-it-alls. They exhibit a willingness to listen to other people’s viewpoints and ideas.
They don’t automatically think their ideas are the best and they understand that others have a lot to offer.
A confident person keeps an open mind and tries to see an issue from both sides.
There’s no reason to think black and white. It limits your thinking
They think in shades of grey.
6. Play the victim
They don’t try to blame other people or let life just happen to them.
They focus on what they can control.
Confident people feel more in control of their destinies instead of being at the mercy of the universe.
When something goes wrong, an insecuree will pin the blame literally on anyone else.
But that doesn’t lead to growth or taking responsibility for their life.
A truly confident person has integrity. They’ll own up to their mistakes and work on improving themselves so it doesn’t happen again.
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7. Overcompensate to impress
Some people may buy fancy cars and big houses as soon as they reach success, showing everyone just how much money they have in the bank.
Sure, you may impress people with your things, but you won’t impress them with you.
Confident people don’t feel the need to show off their material possessions because they’re not trying to impress anyone. They’re already comfortable and secure with themselves.
Confident people create genuine relationships based on shared histories and fun memories because these are the friendships that truly matter.
Superficial ones built off the back off your latest sports car? The moment your car is gone, the friendship is gone, too.
8. Intimidated by others’ success
Confident people aren’t threatened by other people’s success.
Instead of comparing themselves to others, they focus on being better than who they were yesterday.
They’re proud of their achievements and what they’ve learned in their life.
There’s no need for a confident person to compare themselves to other people’s success…it doesn’t serve a purpose.
They focus on what they can control: their own performance.
9. Obsess over the past
Confident people have more positive internal dialogue than insecure people.
They don’t constantly obsess over their faults and past mistakes.
They understand that the best way to deal with these mistakes is by accepting that they happened and moving on.
They choose to forgive themselves for it and make the commitment to be more careful or mindful next time.
10. They don’t cross their arms
This may sound like a small thing, but crossing your arms over your chest makes you appear defensive and the opposite of confident.
Confident people don’t cross their arms because they’re not feeling defensive, nor do they have anything to hide.
They’re open to experiences and they’re open to meeting new people.
11. Constantly checking social media
Mindlessly scrolling through Facebook and Instagram can waste more time than you imagine.
Most people do it without knowing, but the truth is, it’s not really a habit that’s getting you anywhere fast.
A confident person realizes that it’s fine to scroll through Facebook and Instagram now and then, but it’s not something that you want to do every hour of the day.
A confident person wants to use their time wisely to be more productive.
They still have time for play, which includes using social media, but they’ve cut back their social media use to get done what needs to be done every day.
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12. Compare themselves to others
It can be easy to feel bad for yourself if it looks like your peers have become wealthier than you, or a colleague you work closely with gets promoted even if you’ve been there longer.
Questions begin forming like “Why haven’t I achieved what they have?” or “What do they have that I don’t?”
These are dangerous thoughts to have.
When you measure your own success according to others, you’ll never find the peace nor the satisfaction that you’re looking for.
Confident people understand that the only person they need to please is themselves.
They’re focused on what they can do in their own life.
They go at their own pace and measure themselves based on who they were yesterday.
They accept the progress of others and see it as motivation rather than discouraging.
13. Bother gossiping
Gossiping doesn’t feel like time well spent for a truly confident person.
There’s not much point to it, and most of the time, all you’re really doing is talking bad about someone else who can’t defend themselves.
A confident person realizes that another person’s private life is none of their business.
And when you engage in gossip, all it serves to do is make yourself more judgemental and toxic.
A confident person prefers to be compassionate rather than judgemental.
Rather than gossiping about people behind their backs, a confident person focuses on working towards the goals that they’ve set for themself.
14. Surround themselves with people who bring them down
As the famous quote says: “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
A confident person doesn’t want to hang out with toxic or mean people.
They don’t want to spend time with people who belittle them or gossip about other people.
Instead, a confident person makes sure to spend time with people that are just as optimistic as they are.
People who have goals and don’t treat other people like doormats.
It’s not easy to let go of people in life, but sometimes it’s necessary to improve your attitude and life.
A confident person wants to focus on their goals, and the best way to do that is to get rid of things that bring you down.
15. Try to be like everyone else
Trying to fit in and be like everyone else is a recipe for living an inauthentic life.
One important trait of any confident person is the ability to be authentic to themselves.
If that means being different from everyone, then so be it.
A confident person would rather stay true to themselves and express themselves for who they are than stick to a pre-written script that sounds the same as everyone else.
This also means that a confident person understands who they are.
There’s no hiding because they know their strengths, weaknesses, and everything in between.
They don’t try to be someone they’re not, and this means they get the most out of life because they stick to their strengths.
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