Confidence isn’t something we’re all born with.
While some women may be too crippled to fulfill what society expects of her, others defy them.
Confident women carve their own path in society.
They follow their passions, regardless if people might think they aren’t being “lady-like.”
They don’t feel intimidated when they’re the only woman on the team, nor do they feel shy about voicing their dissenting opinion.
We admire confident women for their actions and aspire to be more like them.
But a good portion of their confidence actually comes from the things they don’t waste their time doing.
Here are 13 of the things that they won’t bother doing.
1. Comparing Her to Others
Hopping on social media and seeing people you know get the promotions they’ve wanted, or see them pose at the beach with their well-toned body makes it far too easy to start comparing ourselves with them.
We think we work hard, then see the success of others, and feel depressed at how fruitless our effort has been so far.
We get discouraged and lessen the amount of focus we give to our work because we think, “What’s the point? We’ll never be as good as them.”
Confident women do not only waste their time scrolling through social media, but they also know how to feel secure in what they’re doing.
They don’t feel the need to compare themselves because they understand that different people have different goals in life.
They trust their own process and focus on their own lane.
2. Complaining About Her Circumstances
No one chooses where they’re born.
One woman might look around at her circumstances – the wealth of her family or the quality of where she lives – and pass the blame of why she isn’t successful to them.
While those factors do tend to play a role in one’s success, that doesn’t mean she still can’t try to do something about it.
A confident woman knows how to not only accept the reality of her situation, but take the steps necessary to make the changes she wants to see.
3. Focusing on What Others Think of Her
Others often stop themselves from doing what they’re passionate about or what they know to be the right thing to do because they’re afraid of what others might think of them; they might stand out too much or be called weird.
They feel shy.
But confident women don’t let that stop them.
If they learn about unethical practices in her company, or that someone isn’t being treated equally, she stands with the victims and speaks out about this to those in higher positions.
Though others might get angry at her for doing that, she doesn’t care.
She knows what’s right and she’s going to do it regardless.
4. Pitying Herself
Some people might say that if only they were presented with the opportunities that others have been presented with, she could finally reach her potential.
She might get stuck thinking that she’s only someone who’s inexperienced, therefore never going to acquire the experience needed to climb social and corporate ladders.
She wallows in pitying herself without doing anything to change her situation.
A confident woman, on the other hand, accepts her situation.
She accepts who she is, has a growth mindset, and finds ways to rise above her situation.
5. Staying in Dead End Jobs
Some people tend to stay in their job because they feel as if they have something to prove.
They might also feel like they need to stay in the company because they’re afraid of following their own passions, change, or trying something new.
If she starts realizing that the job she’s in isn’t headed towards anywhere meaningful or fulfilling, she’s willing to leave and find someplace better.
Life is only so long. She isn’t going to spend it working somewhere that doesn’t align with her own values nor lead to where she wants to go.
6. Committing to Toxic Partners
There are some people who feel they can’t escape the relationship they’re in.
Even when their partner is already calling them names and treating them unfairly, sometimes they feel as if they have the power to change their partner for the better.
Often, others struggle to find the confidence and courage to speak out about their relationship problems.
But a confident woman has a clear understanding of her worth.
If she’s with someone who constantly doesn’t treat her well, who often lies to her or starts taking the relationship for granted, she isn’t afraid to speak up about it.
By doing this, she also inspires others in the same situation to do the same, helping them find their voice and realize their own worth.
7. Chasing What’s Trendy
Trends come and go.
If it’s trendy to spend a few thousand dollars on the latest fashion, others might do it just that just to stay with the crowd.
But confident women aren’t looking for validation from others in that way.
She wears what she wants to wear, trendy or not.
Even if people look at her funny for wearing something that looks like it came from a much older generation, if she likes it and is comfortable wearing it, that’s all that matters to her.
8. Spending Time with Negative People
The company you keep tends to have a great effect on your mindset and behavior.
If you surround yourself with people that like to gossip or backstab people, you might find yourself looking at others in a mean-spirited way.
Confident women know that this won’t be the best path to both success and personal fulfillment.
That’s why when people are negative around her, she moves away from them and tries to find people who are more aligned with her own values.
She moves away from toxic people in favor of finding people who are driven to be successful and support doing what she believes is right.
9. Doubting Herself
While being confident is important, often being too confident can lead to trouble.
That’s why a confident woman knows how to doubt herself – but just the right amount.
There are those that spend most of their time doubting their own skills, becoming their own obstacle for starting on their passion projects.
But a confident woman doesn’t spend too much time doubting herself.
She understands that she can only really do what’s in her control; whatever the outcome of her actions are is beyond her.
It’s about acting despite not knowing whether or not what she does works out in the end.
10. Playing Games in Relationships
A strong elegant woman brings out the best in her partner.
She doesn’t waste time playing games, indulging in drama, or messing about with the feelings of others.
We all need to live meaningful lives and earn the respect of the people we care about.
That’s what men want from a relationship above all else — respect. More than love and even more than sex.
There’s a new concept in relationship psychology that spells all this out. It’s called the hero instinct.
An elegant woman doesn’t need help from a man, but she equally isn’t afraid to let him solve little problems, come to her aid, and prove himself useful. She knows this gives him a sense of meaning and purpose.
To learn more about the hero instinct, check out this quick video by relationship expert James Bauer.
He reveals the things you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can make to trigger this very natural instinct in your man.
11. Looking for Validation from Others
A confident woman isn’t the type to wait until someone calls her a painter before she paints.
If she wants to become a painter, she paints, regardless of her skill level and what people say.
She doesn’t wait for someone else to tell her whether or not she’s a success.
Whether it’s earning much, or earning little and making an impact, a confident woman defines success on her own terms.
This allows her to avoid playing the validation game that most people tend to play.
12. Ignoring Her Feelings
Confident women are those that have a better grip on their emotions than others.
It’s why, even though they’re afraid, they can still take actions to do the right thing.
She can do this because she understands that running away from negative feelings only makes them linger longer.
She has the courage to face her emotions head-on, processing her sadness or anxiety to their full extent.
Research has shown that confronting one’s emotions, no matter how difficult it may be, is one of the healthiest ways to overcome them.
Once she knows she can overcome her negative feelings, she gains the confidence she needs to make an impact on others.
13. Regretting Her Actions
We all have moments in our lives we’d rather not remember – but sometimes it’s those painful memories that are the most addictive to replay over and over again in our minds.
Regret can be crippling, however.
Confident women know this.
They know they could either spend their time replaying the moment they were too afraid to speak out when they knew it was the right thing to do, or they could accept it for what it is: the unchangeable past.
By accepting that the past happened, she no longer time travels back to it mentally trying to change it.
Instead, she looks forward.
Those regrets might have even made her much more confident now; it taught her the most valuable lesson she needed to hear.
Becoming a Confident Woman
Confidence isn’t just something that you acquire one day, like buying a new phone or a new house.
It’s something that comes over time, the more you follow in the footsteps of confident women; following their lead, seeing not only what they do but don’t do.
It’s a lifestyle and a mindset change.
These don’t come easily. It will be difficult, and expecting yourself to be perfectly confident after only a few months would only be setting yourself up for disappointment.
Give yourself a chance. Have patience. Although not everyone is born a confident woman, anyone can learn to become one.
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