Adrian Volenik
For most people, physical attraction to their potential partner is in the first place when they’re looking at relationship priorities.
Without it, they won’t even engage in anything else.
On the other side, some people look at relationships differently. They look to have an emotional connection first instead of being physically attracted.
But how do you know if you belong to the first or second group of people? Well, here are clear signs you value emotional connection over physical attraction.
1) You enjoy deep conversations
You enjoy conversations that dive deeper into thoughts, feelings, and life experiences.
The kind of talks that go beyond surface-level chit-chat and allow you to connect with someone more intensely.
You appreciate partners willing to explore their emotions and share them openly, and that’s why physical attraction takes the back seat with you.
For most people, it’s the other way around, isn’t it? They first look at the physical characteristics, and only then do they take a closer look at the emotional connection and compatibility.
Unfortunately, in many cases, the second part happens deep into the relationship. Then people break up because of “irreconcilable differences.”
2) Friendship is the foundation
Another sign that you value emotional connection over physical attraction is that you believe in having a friendship first.
In other words, building a strong foundation of friendship before diving into romance is your preferred approach.
This means getting to know each other’s personalities, interests, and quirks. Basically, you’re enabling a connection built on trust and companionship.
That’s a great approach for many reasons:
- Trust and comfort are essential for a strong romantic relationship
- Starting as friends encourages a deep emotional connection
- Friendships often involve shared interests, leading to enjoyable experiences as a couple
- Friends are skilled in open and honest communication, a crucial aspect of a successful romantic partnership
- Friendships tend to stand the test of time, creating a solid base for long-term compatibility in a romantic relationship
3) Shared interests are attractive
Beyond physical appearances, you’re attracted to people who share your hobbies, values, and passions.
In your opinion, these are a basis for bonding and creating opportunities for meaningful experiences together.
I know many people in relationships where the partners don’t have almost any shared interests. For example, one is heavily invested in golfing, while the other can’t stand it.
They spend most of their free time apart because the golfer is spending all their time golfing while the other partner is doing their own thing.
Needless to say, their relationship is on the brink of death. It’s clear it doesn’t have the following important ingredient:
4) Partner who’s there for you
Emotional support is crucial in any relationship, right? When you value emotional connection, you seek a partner who’s there for you during both the good times and the challenging ones, offering a shoulder to lean on and a listening ear.
You believe in personal growth and encourage it in your partner.
I personally can’t even imagine a relationship where I’m not supporting my partner’s dreams and aspirations and where we aren’t helping each other become the best versions of ourselves.
We genuinely listen to each other’s thoughts, concerns, and ideas, valuing the perspective and making each other feel heard.
5) Empathy matters
Empathy is another trait that’s high on your list. You highly value empathy, as it allows you and your partner to understand and connect with each other’s emotions.
I’m lucky enough to have a wife who’s able to put herself in other people’s shoes. My shoes.
Whenever we have a disagreement, she’s the first one to offer a solution and suggests we work together.
When you value emotional connection more than other things, you look for a partner like that. An empathetic partner who will understand you and be there for you.
6) Communication
Effective and open communication is a cornerstone of your relationships. You believe that honest dialogue helps in resolving conflicts, expressing desires, and building trust.
From my experience, when both partners value open communication, they feel comfortable expressing their desires and needs to their partner.
Whether it’s discussing their dreams and goals for the future or sharing what they’d like now, open communication allows both partners to understand each other’s wishes.
7) Intimacy beyond physical
While physical intimacy is important, you emphasize emotional intimacy just as much, if not more.
For you, feeling deeply emotionally connected is a prerequisite for a fulfilling physical relationship.
Intimacy beyond the physical creates a soulful bond between the two of you. It’s the feeling that you’re not just lovers but kindred spirits who share a deep connection that transcends the superficial.
With years, physical intimacy takes the back seat anyway, and we cherish more the fact that we have someone beside us we can talk to.
8) Quality time
When you value emotional connection over physical attraction, spending quality time together is a priority.
Whether it’s going on adventures, enjoying a quiet night in, or simply being present with each other, these shared moments strengthen your emotional connection.
My wife and I go to the beach every single day after work. It’s our safe space where we spend quality time together without looking at our phones and where our son can run and play freely with other kids.
We all get some vitamin D, meet new people, and get the chance to rest our minds for a couple of hours.
I truly believe this quality time brings the three of us even closer together. As does the ability to do the following:
9) Conflict resolution
When conflicts happen, you prefer addressing them calmly and collaboratively. Working together to find solutions strengthens your emotional bond instead of letting conflicts drive a wedge between you.
Instead of viewing conflicts as battles to win or lose, you approach them as opportunities for compromise and collaboration.
You recognize that finding a middle ground or solutions that satisfy both parties is more important than individual victory.
For example, you and your partner have conflicting opinions on where to spend the holidays.
Instead of insisting on your choice, you emphasize that spending time with the family is important to both of you and that you need to work together to find a compromise to this relatively silly issue.
10) Long-term perspective
Do you approach relationships with a long-term view, believing that a lasting emotional bond is what sustains them through the ups and downs of life? Of course, you do.
After all, you’re interested in building a future together based on a deep emotional connection.
When you have a long-term perspective, you recognize that relationships face diverse challenges.
I’m talking about important things like career changes, health issues, kids, etc. Emotional connections built on trust and understanding give you the resilience to navigate these challenges effectively.
My wife and I have been together for around 15 years already. I can’t even begin to describe how many ups and downs we’ve been through.
When I look back at these times, it feels like they were a lifetime ago. Yet, we would have broken up a long time ago if we didn’t have a deep emotional connection and solely relied on the physical attraction we still undoubtedly have.
11) Respect
What it all boils down to is having mutual respect. It’s a fundamental aspect of your relationships.
When you have mutual respect, you honor each other’s boundaries, opinions, and independence, creating a healthy and respectful emotional connection.
Having and getting respect is infinitely more important than physical attraction, isn’t it?
Physical attraction can be momentary and subject to change over time due to aging, illness, or lifestyle changes.
In contrast, respect is enduring. It’s based on an appreciation for each other’s character, values, and contributions, making it more likely to withstand the test of time.
Final thoughts
If more people valued emotional connection over physical attraction, there would probably be far fewer divorces, and people would be together longer than they are now.
When the base for the relationship is friendship, respect, communication, support, and empathy, it has a better chance of surviving.
On the other hand, a relationship that’s founded on physical attraction is doomed to fail.
