Eliza Hartley
As a person, it’s critical to recognize that our upbringing significantly shapes our behavior, values, and overall personality.
Sometimes, being raised by strict and overprotective parents can leave lasting marks on us, often leading to an array of distinctive traits and behaviors.
Strict and overprotective parenting refers to an environment where the child is excessively controlled or shielded from the world around them. This might be through imposing too many rules, showing extreme concern about their safety, or limiting their independence.
Such parenting can leave an enduring impact on the child which may not always be easy to identify. However, certain clear-cut signs can help detect if you’ve grown up under such circumstances.
These signs will help you understand if your personality traits are a result of strict and overprotective parenting.
1) You were seldom allowed to go out
Often, strict and overprotective parents tend to limit their child’s exposure to the outside world. This isn’t always as straightforward as an outright ban on all social activities. Sometimes, it might’ve been more subtle, like constantly discouraging you from spending time with friends or creating an environment of fear and anxiety around going out.
You might recall your parents always having a reason for you to stay home. Maybe they expressed concerns about your friends’ influence, or insisted that family time was more important.
Alternatively, they may have set unreasonable curfews that made socializing difficult, or constantly needed your help with something at home whenever you planned to go out.
2) Overemphasis on perfection
As a child, you might have felt an intense pressure to be perfect in everything you did, whether it was academics, sports, or even your behavior at home.
Strict and overprotective parents often set high expectations, pushing their children towards perfection. This could manifest as an obsession with grades, constant criticism of your performance in various activities, or an unhealthy focus on your mistakes rather than your efforts.
The constant need to meet these expectations might have made you develop a fear of failure or made you overly critical of yourself, even for minor mistakes. This is a result of the psychological concept known as perfectionism, which can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression in the long run.
3) Independence was discouraged
You might remember your parents stepping in to solve your problems, even when you could have handled them yourself. Or perhaps they made decisions for you, never allowing you to make choices independently.
You may have noticed that they were always ready to jump in and ‘rescue’ you at the slightest hint of trouble. It may have seemed like they were just trying to protect you, but in reality, this behavior might have stunted your ability to develop problem-solving skills and hindered your growth as an independent individual.
Ironically, the more they tried to shield you from the world, the less prepared you might have felt to face it on your own.
4) Your emotions were often dismissed
Remember when you were upset and your parents told you to stop being so sensitive? Or when you were angry and they just brushed it off as a tantrum?
Growing up with strict and overprotective parents often means having your feelings and emotions invalidated or dismissed. In their bid to maintain control, such parents may not allow space for their children to express negative emotions, or even label them as ‘overreacting’.
A study published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that children from overly controlling backgrounds tend to have higher anxiety and less effective coping skills in unpredictable environments.
5) You often felt like you were walking on eggshells
Growing up, there might have been a constant undercurrent of tension in your household, making you feel like you were always walking on eggshells.
Strict and overprotective parents often create an environment where the smallest mistake or deviation from rules can result in harsh criticism or punishment. This might have left you in a state of constant vigilance, always careful not to upset them or do anything wrong.
Please remember, it’s not your fault if you felt this way. Children should have the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them, without the fear of harsh consequences. This kind of pressure can be extremely stressful for a child and it’s okay to acknowledge the impact it may have had on you.
6) Privacy was a luxury
Remember when your diary wasn’t really private, or when you couldn’t close your bedroom door? Maybe your parents knew all your passwords, or they would insist on knowing who you were texting.
Strict and overprotective parents often blur the boundaries of privacy. They might justify it as their concern for your safety, but it can feel like a constant invasion of your personal space.
Having no privacy can be frustrating and suffocating. It’s completely normal to want your own space and to have parts of your life that are just yours. As you grow up, you should be able to establish boundaries and have them respected.
7) Spontaneity was a foreign concept
Growing up with strict and overprotective parents often means spontaneity is a foreign concept. Any deviation from the plan could cause a lot of stress or even lead to cancellation of plans.
Weekend sleepovers at a friend’s place? Only if it was planned weeks in advance. A spontaneous trip to the ice cream parlor after school? Not without a detailed itinerary and a thorough safety briefing.
While it’s all in good fun now to look back and chuckle at the lengths your parents went to ‘plan’ your fun, it’s important to remember that it’s completely okay to be spontaneous and enjoy unplanned adventures.
8) Personal achievements were never enough
Remember when you brought home a good grade, but it was still not good enough? Or when you scored the winning goal, but the focus was on the one you missed?
Strict and overprotective parents often have a hard time acknowledging their child’s achievements. There’s always something more you could have done or some area where you could have done better.
This constant need to prove yourself can be exhausting. It’s important to recognize that your worth is not defined by your achievements. You are enough just as you are.
9) You’re not alone in this
If you’ve recognized these signs in your own upbringing, remember: you’re not alone.
Many of us have grown up with strict and overprotective parents, and these experiences have shaped us in different ways. It’s okay to acknowledge that some aspects of your upbringing might have been challenging or damaging.
But it’s important to remember that your past doesn’t define you. You’re not doomed to repeat the patterns of your parents. You have the power to shape your own life, establish your own boundaries, and build healthy relationships.
Moving forward from a strict upbringing
If you’ve identified with most of these signs, it’s likely you’ve had a strict and overprotective upbringing. This realization can stir up a myriad of emotions, and it’s okay to allow yourself to feel them all.
Being raised in such an environment can be challenging, and the effects may linger into adulthood. But remember, this doesn’t define you or your future.
Take this information as an opportunity for self-reflection and growth. Remember, having a few or all of these signs doesn’t make your parents bad people. They likely did the best they could with what they knew.
